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My body starts to relax, but my eyes don’t close, and my mind doesn’t switch off. Lydia has brought a whole new kinda pain to my life. One that feels a little like panic and a lot like helplessness, and as much as it unnerves me to feel it. I ain’t ready to lose her yet, so I’ll stand it a little while longer.
Her body makes a sudden jerk that sets my guard straight back into place. My back straightening, and my ears listening for something I might have missed. Her eyes are open now. Wide and tortured as they stare into mine. They stab into my chest like splintered glass, unearthing memories that, no matter how deep I bury, will always emerge.
I manage to swallow past the dryness in my mouth and force myself to look back into them, realizing that whatever I’ve done, for some fucked up reason, has helped her find her calm again.
“You’re home,” she whispers softly, and there it is… That fucking smile that has become my reason for breathing.
“Yeah, I’m home,” I whisper back, my lips now as dry as the back of my throat. “You were dreaming,”
I want her to know that she’s here with me now. She’s safe.
If she’d woken up out here alone, she’d have done what she usually does and tiptoed into my room to be close to me. She’d press her body as tight to mine as she could get it, and it wouldn’t be long before I gave her what she needed. My arm wrapping around her fragile frame and holding her because somehow, I’ve become her light in the darkness.
I’m her protector.
“You never ask me about my nightmares.” She repositions herself to sit upright, her legs still curling beneath her. All the horror on her face turns to curiosity as she waits for my response.
“If you wanted to tell me about them, you would,” I shrug, and she gives a half attempt at a smile.
“I would tell you… if you really wanted to know.” She twists at a loose thread on the shirt of mine that she’s chosen to wear.
It would be so easy to take her up on her offer, but I get the feeling she’d expect something in return, and if the nightmares that taint me are her price, I ain’t prepared to pay it. Those horrors will die with me, and then they will be forgotten. Destroyed to ash and dust so they can’t ruin any more lives.
“I should get to bed.” Standing up, I try to ignore the flicker of sadness I catch in her eyes as I move past her.
“Screwy.” She calls out my name with such desperation that I have no choice but to look back at her.
“If I asked you to, would you take it?” She’s staring back at me, looking nervous.
“Take what?” I narrow my eyes until the pretty little creature in front of me becomes a blur.
“The thing that makes me valuable. If I asked you to take it. So that no one else could. So no one would want me, would you?”
When I realize what she’s talking about, my insides knot. The girl sees her purity as a curse. Those cunts have made her innocence a burden to her, and I want to hang every one of them by their dicks for it.
“You're safe now.” I avoid the question, taking another step away from her, but she moves quickly, her nimble little body blocking mine and preventing me from putting any more space between us.
“But if I wanted it to be you. If I wanted you to take it, would you?” she asks again, her voice shaky and her lips trembling.
Hope and fear build in the huge, unavoidable eyes that stare up at me.
The thought of her giving me what she’s been protecting for so long splits a deep crack into my already damaged heart, it also makes my cock solid as steel, but I have to ignore that. Now, I need to focus on her, to take away the fears that make her lips tremble and her eyes swell with tears. It’s wrong of me to want it so bad. It makes me no better than the men who were prepared to bid for it. And in a moment of weakness, I let myself down.
“For you…” I watch her throat swallow down her nerves while she waits for my answer. “I think I’d do just about anything,” I confess, stepping around her and heading straight for my room, refusing to look back.
She follows behind me closely, sliding her tiny hand into mine, and once we are in the dark, she kisses me the same way she did earlier, that way that sets me on fucking fire.
“Thank you,” she whispers, slowly pulling away and getting herself settled into my bed.
I should tell her to go to her own room. Her body touching mine puts thoughts in my head that don’t fucking belong there.
“I’m pleased you’re home.” She rests her head on my pillow and closes her eyes, and I crouch down beside her, my thumb stroking her cheek until those sweet little hums she makes when she’s sleeping start.
Eventually, I tear myself away and head straight out the door, making my way toward Maddy’s cabin. It’s late, she’ll be asleep, but this can’t wait. I need something to ease the rage that’s built up inside me. I may still have fresh blood on my knife blade from the fight we had at the crank house, but the calm it brought me has long worn off.
Roswell still hasn't given me a name yet, but Maddy might be able to.
I step onto her porch, ready to bang on the door when I hear a car door slam behind me.
