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“Whoa man, what you doing?” Jessie rushes his way across the yard, looking pissed as fuck.
“Do you know what time it is?” he asks, confusing me because I thought he was staying at Tac’s place.
“I need to talk to Maddy,” I explain.
“Again,” he takes an exasperated breath. “Do you know how late it is? She’ll be sleeping.”
“I know, but this is important.” I look him over and notice he’s wearing sweats and a T-shirt. Even more strange is the fact he ain’t got anything on his feet other than socks. “Have you been sleeping in your truck?”
“Without sounding like a jerk, Screw, you haven’t had jack shit to say for the past twelve years I’ve known you, and now at whatever time this is, you wanna talk?”
“Who is it?” a croaky voice comes from behind me, and when I turn around, Maddy has opened the door. Like Lydia, she’s wearing a T-shirt that barely covers her, and Jessie instantly moves to place himself in front of her.
“Jessie, what are you doing here? Aren’t you leaving for Nevada early in the morning?”
Suddenly a thought comes to mind that changes my original plan.
“I need in on that Nevada run.” I force the words out of my mouth before I question myself.
“You really think that’s a good idea?” Jessie ignores Maddy’s question and focuses on me.
“I’m sure.” I stare back at him. It's a perfect opportunity to put some distance between me and Lydia. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.
“We’ll talk about this in the morning,” he tells me before turning his attention back to Maddy. “Go back in and get some sleep.” He tries to move her back inside, but she isn’t budging.
“You didn’t answer my question. What are you doing here, and where the hell are your boots?”
“Please, Mads, just go back to bed,” he begs, looking seriously deflated.
“I need in,” I reinforce. I get he’s stressed out with whatever it is they got going on, but the more I think about it, the more I realize I need to be on that run.
“We made a club decision on who would go and why,” he snarls through his teeth at me.
His pupils swallowing the blue of his eyes is a sure-fire sign that he hasn’t told Maddy what we talked about yesterday during church.
“I just can’t be here right now,” I confess, sounding like I’m on the fuckin’ edge.
He studies me for a while, and I can tell he’s contemplating.
“Mads, please.” He takes a breath, calming his tone, and this time, instead of arguing, she steps back into the cabin and slams the door in his face. He swipes his hand over his face before turning back to look at me.
“I ain't happy about sitting this one out either, but we agreed.” He keeps his voice low so she can’t hear him.
“I know what we agreed, but the terms don’t technically apply to me, and I need to get out of here for a few days. You know it’s risky only sending two members and a Prospect on the road with all that value. They could use an extra set of hands,” I point out. Nevada ain’t an easy run to make. Jessie knows I’m talking sense.
“I’ll cover you with Prez and Brax in the morning,” he promises, and my eyes instinctively move over to my cabin. I’m being selfish. I know it’ll hurt her that I’m leaving, and all because a grown-ass man can’t control himself.
“We’ll all watch out for the girl, but she should stay with your brother and Alex while you’re away. She’s vulnerable.” Jessie makes a good point.
“I’ll back you, but that doesn’t mean I agree with this. Right now, your place is here, brother. She needs you.” His words cut into me like a sharp blade. I should have said no when she asked me that question back at the cabin. A straight fucking no. Of all the people, why would she want it to be me? And why the fuck can’t I handle the thought of it being anyone else?
“If you're doing this to avoid her…”
“Just get me on the fucking run, Jess.” I move off his porch and stomp across the yard, back to my own.
Lydia is exactly where I left her, stretched out in my bed with a slight smile on her lips as she sleeps. Over the years I’ve sustained my fair share of wounds. I’ve taken bullets and blades and have the scars to prove it, but watching her… having her so close and at the same time knowing we were so far apart causes the type of physical pain I can’t withstand. And I know it’s gonna leave a lot more behind than bruises and scars.
I quietly pack up the shit I’ll need for the run. I should wait until tomorrow and say goodbye to her properly. Promise that I’ll be safe and home soon. But I know that one look into those eyes, and one wobble of those lips that I want to suck between my teeth, will make me want to stay. The result of that could be devastating for her and for me.
