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So, like a fucking coward, I write her a short, to-the-point note that I know will hurt her feelings. I don’t see any other way. This is me protecting her. I don’t expect her to understand. I leave the piece of paper propped up by the kitchen table before I head out the door to my bike and prepare to sleep in one of the rutting rooms down at the club–so I avoid having to see her until I get back.
The space beside me is empty when I wake up. Slowly, I start to remember what happened last night and that I’d asked Screwy the question after what I’d recalled at Grace’s.
I’d had to, out of desperation.
I never got a straight yes. What I got was so much more than that, and I still have that warm fuzzy feeling inside my stomach when I stretch out and freely make my way to use the bathroom.
Today seems different, much more hopeful, and I actually catch myself smiling to myself at my reflection in the mirror.
The cabin is quiet, the deck doors are shut tight, and the bitter coffee smell isn’t lingering as I pass the kitchen. There’s no sign of Screwy’s cut where he usually hangs it on the chair.
Something must have come up with the club. Or maybe what happened last night was just a dream to counterbalance my nightmare? What if he hasn’t come home yet?
I don’t like the feeling that thought gives me, and trying to push it aside, I take a shower and dress in some of Alex’s clothes.
Grace said she would come and see me today, and despite knowing that will mean more talking about the past, I’m looking forward to the company. I’ll have to concentrate harder today on trying to remember more details. Even the tiniest thing could be a clue to helping Storm find his sister.
I notice a scrap of paper on the table when I reach up to open the cupboard for some muesli–it’s folded in half and has my name scribbled on the front. I smile when I imagine Screwy writing my name, and I unfold the note carefully, trying to decipher the scruffy writing.
Lydia,
Had to go to Nevada for a few days. Stay with Alex and Squealer while I’m gone. They will take care of you.
I hope while I’m away, you remember who you are.
Screw
I read the words on the page over and over again, willing them to change. Screwy can’t have left. We’ve only just started making progress.
Sitting down at the table, I stare at the note in my hand until eventually the door knocks, and Grace breezes through it.
“Morning,” she hums, placing a travel mug in front of me. “Sweet tea. It’ll change your life,” she smiles, occupying the seat on the opposite side of the table.
“Lydia, what’s wrong!” Her expression suddenly turns serious when she notices my tears, and I hand over the note so she can read it for herself.
“This makes no sense.” She’s as confused as I am after she’s read Screwy’s words. “Brax is the Road Captain. He plans these runs, and…” she manages to stop herself from continuing. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Nevada’s not a long run. Screwy will be back before you know it.”
“I asked him if he would take my virginity last night,” I blurt out, praying to myself that isn’t the reason he’s gone. “I’d had a dream. It must have been brought on by what we’d spoken about, and when I woke up, he was there watching over me. The words just came out when I thought about what you said. I do have a choice now, and I know I want it to be him.”
“Oh, Lydia.” Grace leans across the table and takes both my hands. I hate the way she looks so sad for me, and she quickly recovers herself when Alex lets herself in.
“Squealer got a message from Screwy to say you're staying with us.” She looks confused until Grace hands her the note.
“Asshole!” She tosses it back at the table. “I thought they all agreed—” She’s suddenly silenced by Grace's desperate head shake, confirming that they’re hiding something from me.
“I just came here to tell you that our cabin door’s always open, so let yourself in, get settled, and help yourself to anything you need. I’m heading into the office for a few hours. Squealer’s supposed to be putting the new doors on the kitchen cabinets. It’ll be good to have someone there to make sure he doesn’t end up drinking beer on the deck all day.”
“Wait… Squealer didn’t go with them?” Now I know something is wrong. I may have only been here a short time, but I know that the two of them do everything together.
“He just wanted to be here to take care of Alex,” Grace cuts in, moving around the table and resting her arm on my shoulder. “Please don’t get upset. Screwy will be home soon.”
“I’ll grab us something for dinner on the way home. I’d take you into town with me, but Screwy would go crazy if he thought you left the compound.” Alex smiles awkwardly.
“Screwy might not care as much as we think he does,” I bite sarcastically, going over and over in my head how he’d seemed the last time we were together.
He didn’t mention a run, and he knows how anxious I get without him. Whatever this is, there’s more to it than what Alex and Grace are telling me.
“We don’t have to talk about the past today. We could take a walk around the compound and go see Shaniya. She’s got a day off from the library.”
