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With renewed energy to get back to my woman and make her see, make her experience my feelings for her, I went into full focus. Listening to my gut on a high-risk gamble was how we ended up finding the little girl and bringing her home. Gauge took over lead to finish up formalities, allowing me to hop on the first jet back home to Josephine. There was no time for stopping, eating, sleeping, or changing. I couldn’t afford to waste another second without her.
Now I’m pushing well over a hundred racing us back to her place to pick up where we left off three weeks ago. I’m not a fool. I know I can’t charm my way between her thighs before we hash it out, but I have no shame admitting we will be having some long makeup sex afterwards. As soon as I pull up to her condo, she jumps off and races to her front door.
Where the fuck is she going?I’m off my bike, bolting to shove my boot between the door and frame before she can slam it in my face.
“Josephine, please let me explain myself,” I beg. She shoves harder against the door, but she gives up when she sees it’s no use.
I shoulder my way into her entryway, only to have Hades pinning me against the door, snarling and barking against my chest. Her dog is no joke. He will do anything to defend hismamá. But I’m not anyone he needs to fear. I only want to love her.
The dog hates me. I need to win him over, pronto. “Easy, Hades,” I say in a soft voice. “I’m not going to do anything to upset yourmamá.”
He barks four times, like he’s bitching me out, trying to communicate ‘you’ve already upset her.’
I nod and rub a hand down his black coat to calm him down. “I know I’ve already upset her. I never meant to. I wasn’t thinking like a boyfriend. I’ve never had a girl to explain myself to before.”
He cocks his head and grumbles up at me, as if saying ‘then why did you do it?’
I nod again, as I keep rubbing my hand down his back, well aware Josephine is standing behind Hades, watching the whole exchange.Good, I want her to hear all of this.
“In my head I thought I explained it. I said I got a text and had to leave. I never considered for a second I needed to explain myself more, but I forgot my norm is not the same as yourmamá’s. My work is time sensitive, and I was in the zone. SOS usually means a child has been abducted. I’m not supposed to disclose any of this, but you and yourmamáneed to understand exactly why my mind was closed off.”
Hades growls and bobs his head at me.
“A governor’s eight-year-old daughter was kidnapped right from her bed along with her twenty-three-year-old nanny. He and his wife were at a gala. The assailants, who are affiliated with a drug cartel down in South America, killed all the security on site. I left yourmamáand went straight to the military airport and was briefed by the governor’s security team on the flight out.
“First day we spent on the ground gathering whatever intel we could from the locals and authorities. Second day we were busy setting up headquarters near where we believed they were located. The third day was the hardest. Governor received a video message. I’ll spare you the details of what they did to the nanny.”
Josephine gasps, but I don’t look up as I talk. I keep my attention focused on Hades who has now dropped from my chest to my feet, watching me closely, waiting to hear more.
“The video was a warning. The same thing would happen to his little girl if the governor didn’t back out of a bill he was pushing to pass. It would make it harder to bring in illegal drugs to the state. On the fourth day we made a bust on the house where we thought the little girl was being held, but the tip was bad, and we blew our cover. It spooked them into moving her to a different location. Day five was a shit storm of surveillance and collecting info, working to track down her new location. That was when the last text from yourmamácame through,” I explain.
I’m not good at this. I don’t know how to show my emotions or say what I’m feeling without hearing a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to ‘stop being weak.’ Subconsciously, I slap the shit out of that voice. If I can’t be man enough to own what I’m feeling for Josephine and express it to her properly, I don’t deserve her.
I shut my eyes and hang my head, feeling tears running down my face, and I can hear Josephine crying, too. With Hades sitting back on his haunches now and no longer a threat, I direct my conversation to my pixie. She deserves this.
“I knew I fucked up, but I didn’t know how badly until Punk called and said he told you I talked to him. You saw it as me having time for him and not for you, and that was never my intention. Punk had been leading a team in Denver in my absence. He had wrapped up and I wanted a run down.
“Since I had him on the phone, I asked him to check in on my woman and use the excuse about breaking ground. I had him do it because I knew if I called or texted you, my attention would be completely focused on you, and not on the little girl I was there to help. The more distractions, the longer it would take for me to get back, and I didn’t want to waste a second away from you. Any time with you is too precious to fuck around with. I did what I had to do and brought the little girl back to her parents,” I admit.
Josephine sucks in a ragged wet gulp of air, and I finally grow the balls to lift my head and look into her sad weeping eyes. Those fucking gorgeous blue pools bring down the last of my walls.
“I don’t want you thinking I only wanted one last time with you before moving on, because I can never get enough of you. I don’t want you to believe I was ignoring you, because I wasn’t. I read every single text and listened to every message you left as they came in. Your words, your voice, they were what gave me the fuel to move faster and push harder to get the job done and come home. They meant everything to me even though I couldn’t respond. I failed you, because as much as I needed those messages from you, you needed them from me, too.
“I have no excuse. I fucked up, and I was an unworthy asshole. And I’m sorry Josephine, so fucking sorry,” I cry, sinking to my knees at her feet, wrapping my arms around her torso and burying my face against her.
The only times I’ve shed tears in my life were when myabuelapassed and when I lost a brother-in-arms. I cry when I experience loss, but not like this. I’m full on sobbing. Even though I’m putting everything I have into winning her back, I may still lose her if she decides not to forgive me.
This short, feisty, ill-tempered temptress has snuck up on me and wrapped herself around my frozen heart, warming it and bringing it back to life. I have lost so much in my life, and now I could lose the one person who gave me hope for something more than a lonely existence. I cry harder when I feel her fingers run through my hair.
“Maceo,” she whispers with a shaky voice. “Taking off and not being in contact with me is only half the issue.”
I choke down my sob and nod. “I know I overstepped my bounds when I asked Chase to hack into your phone and track you without your consent. It was wrong of me to gain access to your public and private accounts. I had no right viewing your call lists, texts, or emails. Everyone involved in the Mercy Ravens has open access to everything. It’s how we look out for each other. But we enter the club knowing this. I didn’t give you the option, and for that I’m sorry.”
“But why did you do it in the first place?”
“I told you my work is dangerous. Just because I complete a mission doesn’t mean shit can’t follow me home. I’ve had death threats, assassination attempts, and I’ve been caught and tortured. Do you honestly think I would consider getting involved with someone knowing I hadn’t put necessary precautions into place to protect them? I did it for your safety. As wrong as it sounds, I wasn’t going to tell you unless we decided to pursue a relationship. I didn’t want to freak you out. You wouldn’t have given me a chance if I requested this from you before we had our first date. It doesn’t justify my actions, but it’s the reason why I did it. I tried to tell you before I left.”
She sighs heavily. “I know you did, but the text interrupted you. Are you still monitoring everything?”
