AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I’ll never forget the way Gauge looked at me as he led Candy to the bunk room. His emerald eyes I love so much looked back at me with nothing at all—no warmth, no emotion, only indifference. Gauge wanted me to see him with Candy, no longer caring.
He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Not my Gauge. Not the sweet man who I fell in love with.
Unable to comprehend what I was seeing, I followed. The door closed behind them. Still, I moved forward. My hand shook as I turned the knob only to find it locked. There’s only one reason Gauge would lock the door.
He was done with me. We are over.
My heart didn’t shatter—it was obliterated. Like the ferocity of a bomb erupted in my chest, decimating my soul. Gauge did everything he promised he’d never do and didn’t bother to stop when he saw me exit the kitchen. He simply didn’t care how his actions would affect me.
I feel like such a fool for trying to save our relationship when he never wanted it to begin with.
At that moment, I didn’t know what to do. Some women would burst in, argue, brawl. But what would be the point? I would not continue fighting for a man who didn’t want me. I’m not a confrontational person. No matter how much he hurt me, I would never go against my character. He can crush my soul, throw away my love, but I would be damned if I lowered myself to the level of a pathetic ex-girlfriend. I did the only thing I could—I walked away.
Tears blur my vision as I retreat to the kitchen. The rental is tiny—nowhere to hide away from my pain. The kitchen seems like my personal dwelling. No one will bat an eye seeing me in here, no matter the hour.
I’ve been sitting at the kitchen table for maybe five minutes when I hear a bedroom door open. They didn’t go at it very long. I guess that’s how it is when you finally give in to your cravings—no need to drag things out for an hour the way Gauge would do with me.
Before I can stop, I look up, spotting Candy trying to sneak past me, heading to the front door. Her eyes meet mine, shocked I’m sitting here. I expect her to gloat, but she doesn’t. Something close to sadness has her eyes dropping to the floor as she exits the house. No clue why she looks butthurt when she finally got what she wanted. Gauge belongs to her now. I’m the passing fling.
As much as I want to blame Candy for shamelessly pursuing a taken man, the blame lays solely on Gauge’s shoulders. He made the conscious choice to engage in sexual activity after committing himself to me. Doesn’t matter what may have been wrong in our relationship, he had no right to cheat. There’s no excuse he could use to justify his actions, no way to blame me for his poor choice.
A small voice in my head reminds me he tried to break it off last night, but I refused to listen. Had I accepted our relationship was done then, I don’t believe it would change how I feel now. It would still hurt, still feel like a betrayal.
A couple minutes pass before Gauge emerges from the bedroom. My eyes have a life of their own, staring, almost pleading with him to look and acknowledge my presence. He shamelessly adjusts himself through his jeans, not bothering to spare me a glance as he walks out the front door to the party outside. The door not only closes after him, but symbolizes he’s closed our relationship.
What am I’m going to do? There’s no way I can stay with the club after this. Watching Gauge interact with Candy or any other woman will only cripple me further.
I need to leave, but I can’t go back to jumping from town to town to avoid Levi. This time, I need my ducks in a row—I need an exit strategy that will allow me to move on, find a decent job, and support myself.
How the hell am I going to do that with no skills outside of serving food and stripping? I don’t even have a high school diploma, making it impossible to apply to a technical or community college.
My eyes land on my laptop sitting on the kitchenette table—the one Gauge had gifted me to write my recipes. Guess I’ll have to give it back to him…
No, I’m not giving that back. I’ll buy it off of him with the money I took from Benny’s strip club.
Jo’s question from the other night about my goals comes to mind. I mentioned opening a bakery, and Jo encouraged me to look into making it a reality.
The more I think about it, the more I want to pursue it. I don’t need any financial support from the club. Mercy Ravens has taken great care of me, but it’s time for me to spread my wings. The money I have will pay for a handful of college semesters. I could get an associate’s degree and build from there, maybe go to culinary school to become a pastry chef before moving on to starting my business.
But first things first—I need a place to live, a job to support myself, and to get my general educational diploma.
The club has become my family. They will not let me leave without making sure the apartment I move into has top-notch security and the place I work for is fully vetted and will keep my identity private. Yes, I could get a crappy apartment and a crappy job, but then I’m right back where I was. If I want to remain hidden, I’ll work with the club to make it so that I’m secure.
Unable to move along on that front until I talk to Atlas, I press forward with the next step. I fire up my laptop. After some Google searches, I discover the local community college has an online class that helps people get their GED for a small fee. Cash is accepted, meaning I can pay in person at the admissions office. This program would allow me to get my GED in three months. I’d miss out on applying for college courses in the fall, but I could work in the meantime to save more money and apply for the spring term the following year.
The only thing I need to give them is my high school transcripts, which I can request online from my old high school in Utah. They would transfer them to the community college here in Fort Collins.
“Let’s do this,” I whisper to myself.
I put in the request to transfer my school records, and then I complete the application for the GED program. Legally, I don’t have to provide my social security number on the school application, so I leave it blank. But some of the required information makes me uncomfortable—address and phone number, to be exact. Instead of using the rental address, I use the address where the new headquarters is being built. Since I don’t live at the location, I feel comfortable using it as my address. I choose the untraceable burner Chase gave me as my phone number. A few keystrokes and everything is in motion.
The night passes with me seated at the kitchen table, researching college programs for the following year. The same community college has a culinary school, and the price is affordable. After fulfilling my general requirements, I can apply to the program. Within three years, I’ll have my degree and go anywhere.
Living here with Gauge will be difficult until I find my own place, but I’m determined enough to suck it up for the time being. I suppressed my trauma with Levi for years. Would it matter if I hide more trauma caused by Gauge?
From my perspective, the outcome outweighs my discomfort. I want this new future more than I want to hide away from Gauge.
* * *
