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We’ve taken things at a snail pace. Gauge wanted me to return to his bunkroom, but I refused to share a bed with him. It wasn’t fair to continue using Flay’s bunk while Flay suffered on a cot in the musty basement because of Gauge’s actions.
That was one of the first changes I implemented in our new relationship. Flay returned to his bunk, and I moved back into Gauge’s. The only difference this time is Gauge isn’t sharing it with me. He’s bunking on the cot. It won’t be for long as Jo’s quickly working on the new headquarters the crew will move into.
Another big step toward healing our relationship was insisting Gauge thoroughly apologize to Candy for pulling her into our mess. Though he profusely apologized to her after the incident, I felt something more profound was needed besides a knee-jerk apology. However, I didn’t want him to be alone with her while they had their conversation.
Although Candy wasn’t aware of what Gauge was getting her involved in, Gauge knew his actions would damage my trust in him being alone with her. That didn’t sit well with me. I asked Gauge to ask one of his brothers or one of the other MC women to be present while he talked with her. He agreed, knowing I needed the reassurance he was behaving while I was not present. Until they reestablished trust, Gauge agreed to not be alone with any other woman.
I could’ve asked to be present for the apology—Gauge wouldn’t have denied me. But after all the hurtful things Candy said to me leading up to her non-consenting involvement with Gauge’s betrayal, I didn’t want to be involved—with the discussion or with her—while things were still raw. My priority was to work on my issues with Gauge.
In the end, Gauge asked Red to sit with him and Candy while he talked with her. He didn’t want to ask a guy because he felt it was a private matter that one of her girlfriends would be best suited for. It relieved Candy that everything had come to light and Gauge was taking ownership for his actions. She admitted she was still upset, but she wouldn’t let it affect their friendship.
Gauge clears his throat, pulling my attention back to him. He reads a passage regarding tropical rainforests then says, “Explain how deforestation can disrupt the lifecycles of parasitic fungi in a tropical rainforest.”
I recite how most fungi need to grow in specific environmental conditions or even in particular hosts. When those environments or hosts are removed, some fungi die off because they no longer living in favorable conditions.
Gauge gives me a crooked smile. “Good, Gorgeous. You got this section down pat. You ready for a break? We could go into town and grab some coffee, walk around downtown.”
I eagerly agree. Someone can only quiz my brain for so long before it turns to mush.
We ride Gauge’s hog into the city, parking outside our favorite café. After we grab our beverages, we head into the park centrally located in the main plaza. We laugh from our park bench as we watch children run around the playground, screaming with delight.
Gauge links our fingers, pulling my hand up to his lips for a chaste kiss. His lips feel nice against my skin, comforting and familiar. He settles our joined hands on his thigh, continuing to people watch.
It’s all the physical affection I’ve allowed him to give me—a kiss on the cheek or hand, a hug here or there. My initial reasoning for holding off was establishing a solid foundation based on our love instead of our lust.
Yes, I miss his lips on mine. I’ve missed his body inside of mine too. I don’t want to rush into anything sexual, but I’m ready to take the first steps leading to more physical touch.
With the ball in my court, it’s up to me to make the first move.
Sighing, I rest my head against his shoulder. Gauge stiffens at first, but then he ropes an arm around my waist, pulling me closer. The heat of his hard body slowly melts my remaining worries.
“I’m sorry for the unnecessary pain I’ve caused us,” he murmurs against my temple before softly laying a gentle kiss there. “If I could go back and change it, I would do it in a heartbeat.”
“It doesn’t matter what happened in the past as long as we don’t repeat it in the future,” I exclaim, pulling back to look at his handsome face. “I know you’re sorry and I forgive you.” I reach up with my free hand, cup his bearded face, and gently press my lips to his.
Gauge groans against my lips. He pulls back a hairsbreadth before asking, “You forgive me?”
“I love you too much to keep holding on to resentment. So yes, I forgive you.”
Gauge captures my lips with his again, mumbling against my mouth how much he loves me and how he’ll never give me a reason to doubt him again.
CHAPTERFORTY-FIVE
OPAL
Late August 2020
The summer has been relentlessly hot for the mountain region this late in August, but I don’t mind the heat. It means Gauge and I get to spend more time outside, away from the rental, as we work to repair our relationship. When I finish my course work for the day and Gauge is home from assignments, we’re connected at the hip, sharing our feelings or concerns.
It’s been a little over seven weeks since Gauge’s betrayal. Although we’ve talked extensively about the reasons which lead Gauge to hurt me in the most brutal ways, he has not pressed to move along faster in my emotional healing. It takes time to rebuild trust, and Gauge supports my choice to take things slowly. He’s stolen kisses when he can, holds me tight when I need hugs, but there has not been one request for sex or hint of frustration on Gauge’s end. He knows he needs to earn my heart back before we return to our old intimate ways.
Gauge still has his hang-ups, uncertain if he can say I’m his woman when we aren’t back to where we were before his betrayal. I’m constantly reassuring him he has me and I’m not going anywhere. Gauge knows we’re a couple. It’s just his guilt interfering with his common sense.
The thing is, I’m ready. I’m ready to move forward in our relationship. I miss the sexual intimacy between us, and honestly, I need it to get over my hang-ups. Gauge swears he meant none of the harsh things he said in the kitchen when he tried to end things. But for my peace of mind, I want to make love to him and feel it for myself.
Jo worked her tail feathers off to finish the new Mercy Ravens MC Headquarters before the deadline. I intended on moving into a suite with Ebony, but Gauge asked me to move into his suite. It’s a big step, but I didn’t hesitate to accept. Though Gauge put our relationship through the wringer, I trust him when he says he’ll never do anything else to jeopardize what we have. And if he does, I’m kicking him out of the suite.
Since I’m sharing the space with Gauge, he left all the design choices up to me. Excited, I went and found Jo, knowing she would appreciate my giddiness since she’s a designer. Jo cringed when I told her I wanted all the colors of the rainbow—I can’t understand why that would be off-putting. Rainbows are beautiful.
