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Although Gauge and Jo offered to accompany me on my first appointment, I declined. This is hard enough to talk about without worrying about what anyone else might think in attendance. I’m also not gullible. I know the family is hoping I’ll reveal Levi’s identity during the session, and I can’t afford for that to happen.
Brandon gives me a polite smile. “Relax, Opal. Today’s meeting is more of an introduction and for you to ask me questions.”
“Haven’t we already done that?”
“Though we met through Jo, we haven’t discussed what your personal sessions will be like or what to expect. Jo has her own set of goals she’s working toward, and they may differ from yours. I more or less want to learn what you’re hoping to gain from this experience.”
Nervously, I wipe my clammy hands over my jean-clad thighs. “I don’t want to be afraid anymore, but I don’t think that’s possible.”
Brandon sits back in his chair, his pen hovering above his notebook. “Why do you say that?”
“Because the man who hurt me is dangerous.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “You promise you won’t tell the others what I talk about?”
“I understand I’m not licensed yet, but I take therapy seriously. I’ve already sworn an oath to myself to keep the topics of my patients’ sessions confidential. These are private matters that are between you and me. No one else will have access to them.”
I frown, recalling the hacker from a few months back that gave the MC grief. “You won’t enter your notes into a computer system?”
Brandon shakes his head. “No. All of my notes remain in journals. Nothing goes into a computer or data system.”
“But someone could access the notebook by stealing it.” Maybe it’s me being paranoid, but nothing is ironclad safe.
Brandon smirks. “They could, but it wouldn’t do them much good.”
Confused, I chock my head.
Brandon hands me his notebook. I take it from him, scanning the contents of the pages. The writing appears to be some sort of shorthand, but with symbols replacing letters. Baffled, I look back at Brandon.
“It’splqaD, my shorthand version of Klingon,” Brandon explains, taking the notebook back. “The security of the MC comes first. When I was interviewed for the position of counseling its members, I promised to make my notes difficult to interpret. I’m a huge Star Trek fan, so it seemed like a suitable solution.”
Relieved, I blow out a huge breath. “That’s reassuring.”
Brandon sets aside his notes and leans forward in his chair, holding eye contact with me. “I understand you’re afraid of revealing your abuser’s identity, but that’s not a concern here. If you want to call him something else, go ahead. If you prefer to use his proper name, you don’t need to worry about it getting out. So, if his name slips, it’s okay. Don’t let that deter you from seeking the mental health you want.”
Reassured, I nod. “Okay. Thank you.”
With my concerns addressed, Brandon picks his notebook back up. “Now, you’re afraid of this man because of what he did to you or who he is?”
“Both, but more because of what he does for a living. He has lots of contacts, both legal and illegal.” I exhale loudly. “I’m afraid of what favors he would call in to get Gauge into trouble.”
Looking thoughtful, Brandon taps his notebook with his pen. “It’s been a couple weeks since your encounter with your abuser from what I recall you telling me in Jo’s last session. Don’t you think that if this man was going to reach out to his contacts or superiors, he would have by now? That some action would have taken place after he discovered this is where you’re living?”
I sit, mulling over Brandon’s question. It does seem odd.
When I don’t respond, Brandon continues. “I don’t know your partner personally, but I know Jo’s partner, Atlas, very well. He and Gauge are best friends. If Gauge is anything like Atlas, then I would surmise your abuser is terrified of having his identity revealed by the MC. That means Gauge has just as much pull if not more than your abuser.”
What an interesting thought. “The MC is heavily involved with state security and the military. But Le—” I bite my tongue to silence my slipup.
“Remember Opal, safe space,” Brandon says, circling the room with his pen. “If you want to use his name, feel free.”
I lick my lips. “It’s difficult to say his name out loud. Painful even.”
“Perfectly understandable and normal for abuse survivors.”
Survivor?I’ve always thought of myself a victim. I prefer survivor. It makes me feel…resilient. Stronger.
I pause before continuing. “L—Levi.” I hesitate again. “Levi is an FBI agent. It’s why I never spoke out when he started abusing me. He warned me that no one would believe me, that I would only make my life harder by double-crossing him.”
Brandon nods curtly, understanding washing over his face. “And you’re afraid his position of power will trump Gauge’s and the MC’s?”
