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I hate that Rachel is right. I want to believe that I know what’s best for her and that I’m doing what is right, but honestly, I doubt myself.
I know Colton is out there and aware of their names. He revealed that when he sent the photo of them to King and Rowen. If it hadn’t been for him sending the picture, Rachel and Olivia would’ve been able to continue living where they were. They had to be moved for their protection. This time, there wasn’t a choice.
Sighing, I walk into the living room just in time to watch Ace preparing the chip to insert into Olivia’s arm.
Olivia lies on the couch on her side, her shirt sleeve pulled up to her shoulder, and the back of her arm is wiped clean with an alcohol wipe.
“I can’t watch this,” Rachel whispers and leaves the room.
I sit on the floor in front of Olivia and hold her hand, tracing small circles on the back of her soft skin. “What color do you want to paint your room? And how do you want to decorate it?” I ask, hoping to keep her calm and her attention diverted.
He kneels beside us, squeezing a part of her arm to gather enough skin to stick the needle in.
Olivia’s eyes widen. She squeezes my hand and looks between Ace and me.
“Focus on me, sweet girl. Tell me what we’re going to buy for your bedroom.” She takes a deep breath and begins telling me about her plans.
“I’ve already had a purple room, so I think this time I want yellow. Not ugly mustard yellow, but a pretty pale yellow.” She smiles. “Do you like yellow? Do you think that will be a good bedroom color?” I keep her talking and focused on me while Ace slides the larger-than-normal needle into her arm, implanting the tracking device.
Tears fill her eyes, and her bottom lip begins to tremble, her hand squeezing mine as tightly as she can. “What else do you want in your room?”
“A-a-a TV.” The first tear falls down her face, but my strong girl quickly wipes it away. As she continues talking, Ace cleans the blood away from her arm and sticks a purple Band-Aid on her, rubbing her arm soothingly.
“Am I sick? Is that why I had to get a shot? Am I dying?” she asks dramatically.
“No, not at all. You’re not sick, and you’re not dying.” I climb onto the couch and pull her into my arms. “You have magic inside of you. Ace put magic inside of you so I’ll always be able to find you.” She seems to like that answer because she sits up and smiles.
“If I ever get lost, or if you ever want to see me, you’ll know right where I am so you can find me and see me, right?”
I nod. “Right. I’ll always know exactly where you are.” She climbs off the couch.
“All right, Aunty Lee, we’ve got some shopping to do. I’ll go get dressed.” She takes off running, forgetting all about the brief moment of pain she experienced.
Ace takes her vacated seat beside me on the couch, wrapping me in his arms and pressing a kiss to my head. “You love her so much.” My heart swells as a tear falls down my cheek.
“I do. So much.” I look at him. “I have so many regrets.” He presses his forehead against mine.
“You’re a part of her life now. You have all the time in the world.” He presses his lips against mine, and I return his kiss, hoping like hell he’s right and I will have much more time to be a part of Olivia’s life.
I’ve missed so much, and I want to make up for it as much as possible.
I’ve never admitted it before, but I wish I had been able to be her mother.
I wanted to be her mother so badly.
sixteen
KING
I’ve beenin a funk since discovering that my butterfly has a living child, and I’m having difficulty pulling myself out of it. I’m so fucking angry with her, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I know her life was hectic, but how could she not tell me?Me, of all people.
Rowen has tried numerous times to cheer me up, trying to give Tate the benefit of the doubt, but I’m having trouble with that. I wish I could ask her why. I have so many regrets, and the only way I’ve been able to make peace is by finding myself at the bottom of a bottle every night.
I’ve been torturing myself for two weeks, visiting Sinners and paying for someone to dance for me in VIP room six. In the same room I met my butterfly, and the same room she danced for me for the first time.
Eli fucks his assistant to work through his problems, Rowen fights, and I like to drown my sorrows by drinking and getting a private dance. I’m aware it’s not healthy, but my mind is in a dark place right now. I’m thinking things I shouldn’t, and I’m afraid that if I don’t find an outlet for my feelings, I’ll end up doing something I’ll regret.
So, I choose to drink and enjoy the show.
