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“That’s perfect. Thank you, Mrs. Lucas.”
She stands, walking me to the door. “It’s my pleasure, Callum.”
She closes the door behind me, and I sag into the cool wood, eyes shutting for a tiny moment of peace. But then the air shifts. I feel his heated, angry gaze. “Miss Madison.” My eyes snap open to see Lincoln leaned against the receptionist’s desk. So, I do what I do best, I walk away quickly. “Callum.” He calls after me repeatably before he finally catches me by my elbow, pulling me toward his strong, comforting body. He leans down by my neck, his lips grazing the choker before he whispers, “Where is your bow, Doll Face?”
I squeeze my eyes closed, fighting away the reaction he causes to my body. Fighting the sadness of him noticing a part of me is missing. The air is thick with emotion, making it hard to breathe. “Let me go, please.” He does and I spin around to stare at his shoes, not being able to look at his face.
“Listen, if this was about what happened at the gala, I’m sorry. Everyone has their limits but—”
I cut him off. “I don’t want to do this anymore,” I whisper.
“What?” he asks, voice full of despair.
“I…” My voice trembles as I fight the slamming of emotions crashing into me. “I don’t… Us. I don’t want there to be an us anymore.”
“It’s far too late for that, baby, because I lo—”
“Raven,” I whimper, my eyes slamming into his as I look up.
His face falls. “Why are you doing this? Why, when I finally admit that I lov—”
“Raven. Raven. Raven,” I scream, drawing the attention of passing students and teachers. Lincoln doesn’t care, though. His eyes bleed into mine, and it breaks me, but soon, he’ll be disgusted by me, by us. What we’ve done.
“You said you wouldn’t be one of my ravens,” he whispers as I turn on my heel, breaking me even more. Like a heart attack, my chest burns with a pressure so heavy I want to cry out. I go to the closest girls’ bathroom and call my mom.
“Hello?” she answers, confused.
“Hey, Mom. Can you call the office and get me out early? I’m not feeling too good.”
“Yes, sweetheart. Same thing from the gala?”
“Yep,” I mumble.
“Okay, I’ll call right now. I love you.”
“Love you too, Mom.” I sigh, leaning my head against the tile wall.
* * *
Macy invitedme and the entire senior class to her Halloween party. After a week of avoiding Lincoln’s text messages and dodging his attempts to talk to me at school, I want to let loose… but I can’t.
First loves are fatal. Leaving you desolate. You spend your time daydreaming of a future you can never have. Planning things that are out of reach. Lost in the illusion of forever and then left with a heart that can barely beat. First loves are the what-ifs, the malignant fate of your heart never being whole again. First loves imprint themselves on you. Tattooing themselves on your soul, forever stained. Nothing hurts like a first love. They set the standards for the next. Whether these standards are high or low, it all comes back to the first one. Do you truly ever get over it? Or does it haunt you like a cloud of depression? Sneaking up on you randomly, hiding the sunshine and leaving you bedridden?
“Cal.” Macy pops up in front of me, bringing me to the here and now. She’s dressed like a sexy cheetah. Spots along one side of her face, following the outline of her brow bone. She wears a black corset, small volleyball shorts, and cheetah ears. “Nice outfit.”
I look down, taking mine in. I am basically wearing the same, except for my fishnet stockings, black angel wings, and dark lipstick. That was the one piece of armor I refused to lose. “Thanks, Macy.” I smile.
Macy went all out. The trees in the backyard are covered in spiderwebs, the grass cast in a misty fog. Statues of villains from horror movies and books litter the yard along with giant spiders and fake bloody limbs. She even made Halloween-themed treats. Looks like a Pinterest board come to life. I fucking love it.
I mingle around. Drinking red eyeball punch, skipping on the alcohol. I wasn’t feeling it. I wasn’t really feeling anything but disgust with myself lately.
Jake grabs my hand, pulling me into his body as he guides me upstairs and into a room. Josh waits on the bed, both of them dressed likeBaywatchlifeguards. Showing off the muscles they work so hard for. “You’ve looked so sad this week, Callum. What’s up?” Jake asks. Crossing his arms and peering down at me.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” And I don’t. I want to move on and forget it happened.
He nods, grabbing my hand and leading me to the bed, sitting me next to Josh. Jake takes the seat on the other side of me. They lean over my lap, mouths connecting so close to mine, and it does something to me. Watching them brings a sense of want I haven’t felt in days, curling around my body, knotting in my stomach. My mouth parts in a silent gasp as Josh moves his hand into Jake’s pants, while Jake’s hand skates up my thigh. Josh’s other hand follows Jake’s, their touch hot. Exhilarating.
Jake breaks away from Josh, both looking at me with bee-stung lips. “Do you want to have some fun, babe?” Jake asks.
