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Nina ate what she could, repeatedly swiping at tears she wasn’t accustomed to and didn’t know how to stop.
Miss Jeffries lowered into the other chair with a sigh. “Well now. That’s a fine letter. Our Rowan took the high ground, Nina. She’s a friend you’re gonna need to get back, I think.”
Unable to speak, Nina nodded.
“Let me think on all this for a little. You’re gonna have to let some time pass. Let her grieve a minute. The way she is, I got faith she’ll forgive you. Heart like hers won’t be able to help itself. You be careful in the big city and call me if you get lonely, hear?”
Hugging the woman tightly, she inhaled the scent of the lavender talc her foster mother dusted on herself every morning.
“I’m going to miss you, Miss Jeffries.”
“I’m gonna miss you, too. That’s truer than I wish it was.” As Nina leaned back, the lady held her cheek. “Who youwereisn’t who you gottabe. You remember that, Nina.”
“I will, ma’am.”
Softly, Miss Jeffries whispered, “Go on now.”
Nina backed from the room slowly, watching the only person to ever make sure she had a home, food, and protection as long as she could.
Wiping her face, she faced Gage as she stepped out on the porch. He took her bag and helped her into his truck.
When he climbed behind the wheel, she turned to look at him and said, “We made so many mistakes. She left me a letter.”
He took it from her with a shaking hand.
Nina…pretty golden Nina, by the time you get this, I’ll be gone. I want to avoid running into either of you at the bus station. I’m going to ask Mr. Jenkins up the road to drive me to town.
I’ve always loved you, from the first day you came to live with us.
Girls like us react in one of two ways to our pasts. We get stronger…more isolated, I guess. Like me.
The other reaction is like you, Nina. You appear fragile and beautiful. You hide your strength but love easier than you pretend. I can imagine how conflicted you were every time you went to Gage.
Knowing I loved you…wanting him to love you, too.
After what you came from, my only hope is he treated you gently and wiped away some of your painful memories. If he managed to do that for you, I won’t hate him.
I’m sorry I called you a bitch. It was wrong, needlessly hurtful, and you deserved better from me.
I fell in love with Gage when I was twelve years old. He was everything strong and beautiful I wanted to be myself one day. I thought he was a man of his word and it cuts deep to learn he’s like all the rest. I never imagined our time would last forever.
I wanted him to love me once and love me well, to make sure I wasn’t afraid…I hate being afraid, Nina. For him to have a part of me no one else could ever have because I admired him, loved him, long before I knew what it was to lust after him.
I wish you only good things, Nina. Not because we’re both so damaged but because I believe one day, we won’t be anymore.
Find the strength to love yourself no matter what. Don’t give your heart away so easily or you’ll get it broken again and again. Love the woman you’re becoming and forgive the broken girl you were. Talk that time through with someone - a professional - and purge every terrifying moment. Do what you love and make no apologies. Never forget how smart you are (not just pretty). Eat right, get enough sleep, and know that even hurting, I want you to be safe and happy.
While you find your strength, I’ll try to find the softness I crush from inside myself so no one can hurt me.
I ask one favor: leave me my dignity. Don’t try to talk to me. I hate crying more than anything.
Maybe one day, we’ll meet again.
I have a feeling the home will figure into my future somehow. By the time that happens, Gage will be married to some pretty socialite and have six precious children. I think that will be a relief actually.
Go strong, Nina. Maybe kiss him once for me. Sending you love from a tiny soft place I keep hidden behind the iron walls of my heart.
Rowan
