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Pressing redial I listen to the generic automated message saying that the customer I have dialed cannot be reached and I should try my call again later.
My entire body is tense as my mind replays the memories of the last few days and what I said to Ella when I thought she was the one to sell me out to the gossip rags. How the hell was I supposed to know that my mother was holding onto a multi decade year old grudge against my father. It makes sense but it’s never crossed my mind that my mother would be the one to betray the family.
I’m proud of her.
Ella isn’t the type of woman who will give herself easily so I know it’s going to be an uphill battle if I want to get her back. First things first I need to find her and apologize. I park in front of her building and with my heart in my throat and a buzzing of nervous energy in my body I rush up to her apartment.
I bang on the door and suddenly I realize how empty handed I am? Isn’t it customary for men who are assholes to come bearing gifts? Whatever, I’ll buy her anything she wants if it mean I’ll have another chance at being with her. Now that I’ve had her in my life the thought of letting her leave me is torturous.
When I don’t hear anyone coming to the door, I bang again. “Ella! Come to the door. I need to talk to you. Please.” I bang again. Before I calm myself down and knock softer.
Another few seconds past and it feels like my bones are going to jump out of my skin I’m so anxious. My breath gets caught in my chest when I hear the sound of the locks turning on the door.
My hope deflates when I see Carrie instead of Ella.
“I’m glad you decided to calm the hell down because I was getting ready to grab my bat to break your legs.” Her face is void of any laughter. “In fact, I might still do just that. You got five seconds to get from in front of my door Percival.”
She’s pissed. She’s Ella’s best friend, it makes sense that she’d be mad at me too. “Look, Carrie. I need to talk to Ella. This is all just a huge misunderstanding.”
She nods and looks up like she’s deep in thought. “You’re absolutely right about that. This was a big misunderstanding. You must have misunderstood what kind of woman you had in Ella. You must have misunderstood how being in love with someone works. You don’t deserve someone as good as my Ella. I don’t care what you’re excuse is or how you think you’re going to win her back. It’s not going to fucking happen.” She snarls and the deep pit of despair opens wider inside my gut. Still I’m not going to just back down. Carrie can be scary but I didn’t become one of the most successful media CEO’s in the world by just letting people intimidate me.
“Look, I appreciate you want to protect her. She has every right to turn me down again but that’s her decision to make. I fucked up, I didn’t have all he information before-“
Carrie takes a sudden step in my direction and pokes a hard finger into my chest, “You didn’t ask for all the information! You didn’t want it! She would have explained. But she shouldn’t have to, if you knew Ella at all than you would have known that she would never do what you accused her of.”
Moving back a step, trying diffuse the situation, I put my hands up in surrender, “Carrie, I’m not going to argue with you. You’ve got every right to feel this way. But I’m not just going to just walk away. I love her and there’s nothing that you can say that’s going to make me just tuck tail and run.”
Carrie smirks and shakes her head slowly, “Oh yeah, you love her alright. You lover her so much it took you only a matter of hours to fuck another woman. Sorry, she doesn’t want that kind of love.” She tries to slam the door in my face but I put my foot in the way so she can’t close it.
“Carrie, I swear to you I didn’t sleep with Camille. She shouldn’t have been there but nothing happened between us. I’m trying to fix this. Just let me. Please. I’m begging, let me in so I can explain to Ella.” I keep my eyes locked on Carrie’s and pray that she can see through all the bullshit an see that I’m telling the truth.
Her face goes from stone cold ice to just frigid, “She’s not here Percy. After everything that went down she took off. She said she needed a break from the city.”
“What? Where the hell did she go? Can’t you get in contact with her?” The panic begins to rise again. She can’t be gone not this quick, not now after I know the truth.
“She didn’t say Percy, and even if she did, I’m not going to tell you.” Carrie sighs and opens up the door slightly, “I believe you love her but I don’t believe you know what that means. You had her but maybe this is for the best? If she wants to get in contact with you she will. You fucked up and now you’re just going to have to live with it. I’m sorry Percy.” She shrugs slightly before she closes the door leaving me standing here with my heart crushed at my feet.
Without Carrie helping me, finding Ella is nothing short of impossible. She could be anywhere. She could get a job in some small town using an alias and I’d never find her.
I turn an lean against the side wall near Ella’s apartment and slide down to my ass. What the fuck do I do now? About a million ideas involving private investigators, missing person reports and tracking down every contact Ella has ever had jump into my mind. I’m prepared to search every corner of the world for this woman but what hell do I do when I find her and she doesn’t want anything to do with me?
All my life I’ve worked to keep everything in order, worked to be better than what I was supposed to be but after only a few days without Ella, my life’s in shambles. I could try to go back to what I had before but what is the point when I know what I could have with Ella.
She opened my eyes to everything I was missing and now that she’s gone I feel blinded all over again.
39
ella
Sweat rollsdown my face creating a small trickling river between my sports bra enclosed boobs.
It’s been over a week since I’ve talked or seen Percy. It’s not getting any easier. I thought my anger would last longer but when I called Carrie for my daily check in she told me that he stopped by looking like a crazy man.
He told her that he fucked up and wanted to make amends.
Now I’m at war with myself. Most of me is hoping that Percy has a lifetime supply of candy coated laxatives delivered to his door. Every time he takes one- KA BOOM- explosive diarrhea everywhere. On the other hand, I want to know what happened. It’s the journalist part of me, searching for the story behind the story.
Still no amount of curiosity will ever overshadow the broken heart that I have right now. I would have given up everything for Percy. I worked my ass off to make sure that I portrayed him and his family respectfully and he completely destroyed me because of something he thought he knew.
