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"You'll find your happiness with someone else. It's just too hard for you and I to be together, Nic. It's too hard."
He nods and turns for my door. Before he leaves, he looks at me over his shoulder and says. "Loving someone is easy. It's the easiest choice I've ever made. What's hard is letting go of what everyone else says or things. I love you Nyla, but I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to. If you feel like this is the right thing for you, I'll respect your wishes."
"I'm sorry, Nic. It is." I say and watch in agony as he opens the door and walks out of my life again.
I crumble down to the ground as I hear his car start up and drive away. I cry hard into my own arms before I look around at my surroundings.
I love my freedom and the ability to go anywhere and help people. I love my RV. It's been my home for as long as I can remember, yet right now, it feels like an empty bus.
My mind goes back to the conversation I had with my brother all those weeks ago and how they thought I was running away from life.
This pain I feel can't be what life is. Now that I'm sitting in this empty RV, I'm starting to wonder if it's really worth it or if I just made the biggest mistake of my life letting Nic leave all because I was too scared to stop running.
32
nic
Life goes on.
Even though I want to crawl in a hole somewhere and die, I know that I can't. I have responsibilities and people that depend on me.
I really thought that if I put myself out there, Nyla would see that I was serious. I mean, I offered to give up my home and my hospital to be with her, and she still turned me down. I even told her that I loved her, and it was like it meant nothing to her. Saying I'm heartbroken doesn't even begin to cover how I feel. My heart has been offbeat since I came home without her.
It's been a week since I used all my resources to scour the United States to find her. A week since she stomped on my heart.
Still, I've been trying to keep my spirit up. Even if I didn't get Nyla to love me the way I love her, I don't want to lose the life lessons she taught me. That was the happiness I could feel, and to not take everything so serious.
Of course, it wasn't the same as when she was here. There are no elaborate pranks or midday hookup sessions in the janitors closet, but I did my best to loosen up around the hospital. I wasn't getting so uptight about the little things anymore, and I even occasionally shared in a few laughs with the staff. They all seemed to warm up to the new me. In fact, If I'm honest, it's an easier day when everyone is happy.
Every now and again I pick up snacks or treat them to breakfast to show my appreciation, I know how hard all of them work.
"Hey. Dr. D.," Megan comes up to me as I walk out of the last patient's room, "Thanks for the goodies, those donuts really hit the spot. Did you want one? I don't know if you've had any breakfast today." She asks.
I smile and shake my head. "Oh no, thank you. I have to watch my figure." I joke.
"Well that's good. Because I'm sure there's no more left by now." She laughs, squeezes my arm and walks away.
I look down at the place where she touched me. It was purely platonic, but I know that would have never happened before. I wouldn't have been able to have gotten close to any of them if Nyla hadn't given me a way to open up. Even though I wish I had more of her, I'm grateful for what she did for me.
I drop off my finished chart in the completed bin and as I walk toward the next patient room, I can see my office door is opened slightly.
I know all the staff is either upstairs or in the break room enjoying the cake and donuts I brought in, so it has to be one of the patients. Somewhere they're not supposed to be.
It happens from time to time when I don't lock my door. The patients get nosy and start looking around. I don't have any sensitive information out in the open, but I still don't want anyone in there.
I push the door open wider and see the person sitting in the chair in front of my desk.
Auburn hair up in a bun.
My heart squeezes and I lose my breath.
Nyla.
The neurons in my brain short circuit and at first, I think I must be seeing things.
"Nyla?" I call for her, and she tilts her head but doesn't turn to look at me. I walk slowly to the front of my desk and stare down at her.
She's in business clothes. A button down lilac shirt and gray skirt.
