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“You gonna go talk to him?” Zay asks Jax with his brow meticulously arched.
Jax’s arm falls to his side as he nods. “Yeah …” He starts for the door, flicking one last glance in my direction before exiting the kitchen.
I swallow hard as I slowly look away from the door and shift my gaze to Zay. Then I brace myself for some asshole remark about how them fighting is my fault. And it probably is. I just can’t quite figure out why, and that pisses me off. Are my people skills so messed up that I literally have no social skills whatsoever?
You’re a freak, Raven.
You’ll never fit in.
No one wants you.
You are broken.
You are a murderer.
You ruin everything.
Tears burn in my eyes. Fucking tears.
What is wrong with me? Why am I crying? Because I messed up yet another thing in my life. I should be used to it by now.
A slow breath eases from my lips. “I should go.”
Yeah, that’s the right thing to do. Let these guys be and stop dragging them into the drama that always seems to be around me.
Zay lifts the candle toward my face. You know, where the evidence of tears are. He zeroes in on my eyes, like he knew I was about to cry. “Go where? There’s a fucking storm going on outside.”
I hurriedly look away from him, blinking a ton of times.
Stop crying, you dumbass. You’re just drunk. Get over it. You barely know these guys, so who cares if you messed everything up?
I cast a glance at the window, mostly as a distraction from my eyes burning again like dirty little traitors. “The lightning’s stopped. Maybe it means the storm’s over.” I step toward the kitchen doorway, preparing to leave. And, with each step, it feels like my chest is squeezing my heart. But I feel like it’s the right thing to do. Zay should agree with me, too. I’ve been in their lives for only days and have caused nothing but issues.
Unexpectedly, his fingers are wrapping around my arm. “You can’t go.”
I knit my brows as I look at him. “Why not? It’s probably for the better. Besides, you didn’t even want me to live here to begin with,” I remind him, totally confused as to why he’s stopping me.
He rubs his lips together and lets go of my arm. “Whether or not I want you to live here is beside the point. Jax and Hunter need you to live here.”
“But they’re mad at me,” I point out, rotating all the way around to face him.
He shakes his head. “No, they’re not. They’re just confused and have to figure this shit out somehow. It might be better if they just do it now, right at the beginning.”
I angle my head to the side. “At the beginning of what?”
He studies me with his dark eyes. “We should go get some more candles and place them around the house. And then try to get a fire going in the fireplace before it starts to freeze.” His boots scuff against the floor as he heads out of the kitchen.
I’m confused. That’s all there is to say? I don’t know what’s going on with Jax and Hunter, and I don’t know what the hell Zay was just talking about when he said the beginning. I don’t know much of anything, really, when I think about it, because I’ve never experienced much. Well, much when it comes to friendships and just being a normal person. My life has been crazy and filled with arrests, abuse, bullying, drugs, and pain. That’s all I know, and I’m kind of tired of it all.
Perhaps it’s time for a change.
Could that even be possible?
Zay turns toward me in the doorway and cocks a brow at me. “You coming?”
I pause for a second before putting one foot in front of the other, heading toward him, hoping I’m going in the direction toward something different.
Only time will tell.
