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Hunter
I’m trying notto get pissed, but I am. I’m so pissed off for reasons that, deep down, I know aren’t justifiable. But that doesn’t make me feel any better.
“What are you doing?” I ask Jax the moment we get to my room and I close the door. “Seriously, she’s not even officially moved in with us and you’re already kissing her? Which, FYI, is totally unlike you.” I squint at his eyes. “Are you really that drunk?”
Jax fidgets with a leather band on his wrist, something I know he uses to hide the scars of his internal pain. “Honestly, I knew exactly what I was doing when I kissed her.” He begins to pace the room, crossing and uncrossing his arms. “I just feel this connection to her that’s so intense.” He rakes his fingers roughly through his hair then pauses, flicking his gaze to me. “While I’m being honest, I feel like I should tell you that I kissed her earlier when you left us in her bedroom alone.”
“You … what?” I’m having an extremely difficult time processing what he’s saying. Not that I don’t get it. I, too, felt that connection with Raven the moment I laid eyes on her and have thought about kissing her many times. But that’s me, and this is Jax. Jax, who has issues with intimate stuff. It’s why he’s never been in a relationship for long. We actually had to bribe Cassandra, this girl he used to date, because she discovered how deep his issues ran, and if she told the wrong person, this badass image we worked so hard to create would be destroyed.
“I’m sorry.” Exhaling shakily, he meets my gaze. “I really don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I know this isn’t like me. Usually, when I even so much as think about kissing someone, I freak the hell out.” His breathing starts to quicken as he veers toward a panic attack.
“Dude, relax.” I place a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t let those thoughts mess with your head. You’ve worked too hard to let it all collapse.” I give his shoulder a squeeze. “Don’t let them retake control of you.”
By them, I mean the demons that fill our pasts. The people who were supposed to raise us, who ended up trying to ruin us. The monsters that marked our flesh.
Jax and I have similar pasts. Just like Zay. It’s how we bonded. We’ve been through shit together that has created this unbreakable connection between the three of us.
“I’m sorry.” Jaxon takes another breath then looks up at me again. His eyes are teary, but he quickly wipes them with his fingers.
“You don’t need to be sorry, man,” I assure him. “You know we’re here for each other, especially when we’re falling apart.”
“I know, but that’s not what I’m completely sorry for,” he says. When my brows knit in puzzlement, he adds, “I’m sorry for kissing her.”
“Oh.” I press my lips together, unsure of how to reply. On one hand, I don’t want him kissing her for reasons based on my own jealousy. On the other, Jaxon kissing someone is a fucking huge deal, and I don’t want to mess that up for him. “It’s okay.” The words are like sharp fragments of glass on my tongue.
He raises his brows. “You’re okay with me kissing her?”
Shrugging, I step back and sink down onto the edge of my bed. Then I sigh. “Do you want me to be honest right now?”
Jax nods. “Of course I do.”
I chew on my bottom lip. “I want to be okay with you kissing—I know it’s a huge step for you—but I can also see some complications arising with you two living under the same roof. Plus …” I waver, unsure if I want to say the rest aloud.
“You like her, too,” he finishes for me.
I do.
Tonight, when she let me touch her skin … her lips … I thought about it … about tasting her. But I didn’t because I was trying not to cross that line. That line that I always cross. I didn’t want to do that with Raven.
She deserves better.
She really does.
Sucking in a breath, I nod. “I do, which is so weird because it doesn’t seem like I’ve known her long enough that I should even be able to feel this way toward her.”
“Unless she’s Willow,” he stresses.
“Even then, it’s been over ten years since we’ve seen Willow. She’s a completely different person now.”
“She’s not completely different. She does things that are the same.”
He’s right. Raven does do similar things that Willow did, like hitching her pinkie with Jaxon to comfort him.
“I’ve noticed that, too.” I trace my tongue ring along my teeth as I consider alternatives to this situation. I could just tell Jaxon not to kiss Raven. It feels wrong telling him what to do, though. And I would be a shitty friend to tell him he can’t kiss Raven when he’s struggled with intimate stuff for years. Still, that doesn’t make it any harder for me not to want to kiss her, too.
“I’m sorry for freaking out over this.” I rise to my feet. “I have my shit together now.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not going to let you do that.”
