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"Well, you Americans can be quite crude." She wrinkled her nose. "Sorry, that's not the right word, but..."
"It's fine," I said. "We may be crude, but I don't think I'm going to gift my sister a bra and her best friend a pair of thong panties. You have a nice day, ma'am." I was starting to get annoyed. Was it something about the way I looked?
"Oh, well. I mean, I hope I didn’t offend you, sir..." She was flustered, and I shook my head.
I decided not to leave the store immediately, though. I figured I could play with her and see if I could get her even more flustered. She'd annoyed me with her "Americans are crude" comment. The British were normally quite polite, so I'd been shocked that she'd said that. I walked over to a stack of underwear in the middle of the store and picked up a pair of black panties. The front was made of a thin see-through lace, and for a couple of moments, I thought about Alice and what she'd looked like in them. I couldn't believe I was even contemplating getting such an item for her, not that I was seriously considering it. Even if I did get them for her, it wasn't like I'd be able to see them. It's not like she’d model them for me. Though, what a sight that would be...Alice in nothing but a pair of panties. Shit, I knew I shouldn’t be having those thoughts.
"Sir, you’re not interested in getting those for your sister or her best friend, are you?" The lady looked flabbergasted as she watched me rubbing my finger against the smooth silk material.
I turned to her with a serious expression. "No, I was actually thinking I might like to get them for myself." Her jaw dropped, and her eyes widened, and I tilted my head to the side. "I'm not sure, though. Do you think a solid seven-inch cock and big balls would fit into these, or do I need to get a large?" Her face went bright red, and I just started chuckling. "Oops, sorry. I am just a crude American. You can't really expect more from me than that, can you?" I put the panties back down and turned around. "You have a nice day, ma'am." I could hear her gasping as I walked out of the store. I knew I'd been completely over the top, but she'd annoyed me. I was slightly embarrassed that I’d been so crude and confirmed her biases, but I hadn’t been able to stop myself.
I decided to look for another store. Maybe I'd just get some tacky souvenirs after all. I didn't really want to find myself in another embarrassing situation. The next store I walked into had stationery and journals, and I nodded. They looked cute, and the leather-bound journals were embossed with royal insignias. Both Rosalie and Alice would like something like this. "Hi, can I get two of the leather journals?" I asked the young man who was standing behind the counter.
"Sure. Which ones do you want?"
"I'll have this one with the lion and this one with the crown, please."
"Sure, sir. That will be fifty pounds, please."
"Do you take American Express?"
"Yeah, we do," he said.
"Great." I opened my wallet and handed him my card. I stood there for a couple of seconds, thinking it was a fine gift, but it wasn't fun. And I kind of wanted to get something fun for Alice. I wanted to see the expression on her face as she opened the gift.
"Here you go, sir. Thank you."
"Oh, thank you." I took my card back and then the plastic bag he handed me with the two journals.
"Have a nice flight."
"Thanks." I walked out of the store and stood there for a couple of seconds, watching as the crowds of people passed me by. I could hear an announcement that a flight headed to Dubai was about to close its doors, and any stragglers should hurry to their gates. I looked back at the lingerie store. Did I dare buy the panties? And would the lady even sell them to me after I had left her with her jaw almost on the ground? I shrugged. It wasn't like I'd see her again. Plus, I kind of wanted to do something naughty and unexpected. I wanted to see how Alice would react.
I headed back into the store. The lady was standing there behind the counter staring at a magazine. She looked up and stilled when she saw me.
"You?" There was a shrill note in her voice, and I wondered if she’d start screaming for the police or airport security.
"Yeah, it's me. I figured my cock's not that big and will fit just fine." I grinned at her, but she didn’t smile back.
"Oh, sir. Really, we don't use that language in England."
"Well, I guess it's a good thing I'm going back to the United States of America then, right? We have freedom of speech and all that good stuff."
"Well, I just..."
"Look, lady. I'm just pulling your balls, okay? I mean, not your balls. Unless you have balls, but I don't think you do." I stammered, realizing I was just getting her more and more upset. "I'd like to buy a couple of items for my girlfriend, yeah. So no need to get worried or nervous. I'm not gifting them to my sister. Can I get a pair of these black panties and... Do you have anything really risque?"
"Well, sir, what do you mean by really risque?"
"You know, something really naughty."
She stared at me for a few seconds. "Well, if sir goes to the back of the room, in the corner..." She pointed to the corner of the store. "You'll find the more X-rated pieces. I won't accompany you. You can look through them yourself."
"And if I have questions?"
"Well, if you have questions, you'll just have to wait. My assistant will be back after lunch in about twenty minutes."
"Okay then. I guess you don't want to answer any more of my..."
