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I’m not broken anymore.
“Hm?” That’s all the noise I can make, a stifled grunt.
“I met a guy last night.” She lowers her voice and gives me a conspiratorial look. “I slept with him, Daniel. In the club.”
I try to keep my features composed, even though I’m utterly burning with jealousy. She fucked some guy in the club? That’s not her usual style. It’s usually weeks of angst and anticipation over a new guy before she goes to bed with him and inevitably finds it disappointing.
It doesn’t occur to her that telling me this might hurt my feelings, and that’s on me. I swallow them down. I agreed to be her friend, and this is what friends do. They listen. As their friend tells them how they banged some total stranger… fuck.
“You’re judging me,” she says, shrinking down in her chair.
“I’m not judging you. I’m just worried about you.”
I am judging her. I am judging her a nubile, fertile, perfectly feminine creature in my domain. One I want to conquer and claim for my own. The thought of another man even looking at her, let alone touching her makes me feel a dangerous rage. I work to keep it contained. This is how the rats felt, probably, but I am not a rat, and I don’t have to give into the anger.
I clear my throat. “Briarlee.”
“Yeah?” She’s in a daydream about that guy.
“Do you want to get dinner sometime?”
“Oh, sure,” she says casually. She doesn’t understand what I’m asking. Not a meal like these safe daytime lunches. I mean dinner. A date dinner.
“I mean, do you want to go out with me?”
The look on her face is a horror show.
* * *
Briarlee
Oh, god. I wish he hadn’t asked me that. I mean, he knows I’m not interested in him that way. And I just told him I was with another guy last night. So the timing isn’t good. I really don’t want to hurt his feelings. But I also don’t want to lead him on. Some of my friends say I shouldn’t even go to lunch with him anymore. They accuse me of leading him on. But he is my oldest friend in the world, even if he has an unrequited crush.
“Daniel, you know I…”
“Don’t worry,” he says, his jaw tightening. “I shouldn’t have asked. I’m glad you had a… nice time last night. I have to get into the lab. There’s a lot of work going on today. Have a good one.”
He stands up.
“Daniel…”
“I’ll see you around.” He gives me a stiff smile that doesn’t reach his nose, let alone his eyes.
“Dan…”
He’s already gone. I didn’t realize he could move that fast. He doesn’t even really seem to need the cane today. The limp isn’t as bad as it used to be. Maybe he’s getting better? How did I not notice that before? Maybe because whenever we’re in the same room, I’m thinking about myself, not him.
I hope he finds someone who loves him the way I know he loves me.
More guilt creeps in. I’ve known he loves me for fifteen years. And we’ve never kissed, let alone slept together. He was a gentleman even as a teenager. And now… I push the guilt away. I don’t owe him sex just because he’s a friend. I even get a little angry. He made it weird. He knew it would be weird. And now I feel weird for telling him what I did last night.
Dammit.
I wish I had the guy I slept with’s number. I wish I knew his name. But all I have is his cum still soaking my panties because I didn’t change them, just like he told me not to.
* * *
Daniel
I am shaking with anger that I know I am not entitled to. She’s a grown woman and she’s allowed to have a one-night stand if she wants to. She’s also allowed to turn me down for a date. It was stupid to ask. After all this time, if she wanted me, I’d know.
It’s time for another dose. It’s best to concentrate on work. Test the effects of the drug. The first dose was very promising. Even Briarlee noticed the difference before she shot me down… dammit. I try to get her out of my head, but it’s harder than ever. Her rejection feels more unfair than ever, though I know it isn’t.
I got home, take another shot of the formula, and lie down. Drowsiness immediately after the first dose was a symptom in some of the rats, and it seems to be a symptom for me too. I’ll have to remember to make a note about that. Maybe try adding a stimulant to the mix to ward off the soporific effects. For now, I’m happy to sleep and forget about Briarlee and the lucky guy who got to have her.
