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As I take my seat on the couch set at one end of the room, it strikes me that I haven’t enjoyed a day as much as this for many years and it’s all because of Jessica and her family. My mother surprised me too and I’m still trying to deal with that.
Jessica hands me a coffee and kicks off her shoes, settling beside me with her feet tucked up under her, and groans. “What a day.”
“You can say that again.”
She clinks her mug to mine and smiles. “Thanks for your help. You’re not so bad, really.”
“I’d be grateful if you kept that to yourself.”
As the fairy lights in the tree beside us twinkle, I relax as the caffeine hits my system and I yawn loudly. “Sorry, now I’ve stopped, my body thinks it’s time for bed.”
I’m not sure if it’s my imagination, but Jessica blushes a little and once again it hits me straight in the heart.
“You, um, don’t have to go if you’re tired.”
She seems embarrassed and I smile. “Don’t I?”
“They have four bedrooms. I could use their room and you could have the guest one. Unless you’d prefer to leave, of course. I mean, not everyone would want to sleepover in a strange house with someone else’s kids. If you’d rather not, you don’t have to…”
“I’d love to, but unfortunately work gets in the way.” I cut her off, and she stops, the pink glow to her face illuminated by the soft lighting and in this moment, I have never seen a more beautiful woman in my life.
“OK.” she whispers and I can tell she’s struggling with her feelings which gives me hope at least and then she ruins my mood with a carefully worded sentence that I can’t really deal with right now.
“Tell me about your friend, the one you lost?”
“I’d rather not.”
“Why?”
“I said I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Is it because you were the one at fault?”
“Who told you that?” I stare at her in shock, and she shrugs. “Nobody. It was just a hunch that obviously panned out.”
“You know nothing.”
“Then tell me.”
I’m not sure if it’s my imagination tricking me, but she shifts a little closer and I’m caught up in the moment. The fact her knee is resting against mine and the heat of her body combined with the scent she wears is messing with my mind.
Her voice is soft and inviting and I am having a hard time resisting pouncing on her and forcing her to feel the same way, so to distract my own turbulent mind, I sigh heavily.
“Ok, but when I finish, you’ll hate me even more.”
“I don’t hate you, Robert.”
She touches my knee and whispers, “I’m just having a very hard time convincing myself that I do.”
She laughs at my shocked expression and sighs. “I’m my own worst enemy. I’m sure you’ve learned that by now and sometimes I say things that seem the right thing at the time, but a different part of me disagrees. It’s that part I’m struggling with now, so any help you can give me on hating you would be most welcome.”
The fact she’s grinning settles my heart because obviously we are both thinking along the same lines and I suppose she was right to apply the brakes because, as she said, she is here to do a job and I must respect that. However, she’s a detective for a reason and so I must give into her curiosity and tell her something I can’t even admit to myself, about the time I chose money over friendship.
“His name was Samuel, but everyone called him Sam. We were friends at uni and shared a room.”
As I cast my mind back to that time, I remember how long it took me to start liking myself again. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea, but I suppose you should always face your fears, so I take a gulp of coffee and continue.
“I told you about my childhood. It was quite lonely, and I never really understood what friendship meant. It was always about the end goal. Achievement. Being the best and driving yourself to extremes to be the best you can be.”
