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As soon as she leaves my posture deflates and I blow out a long breath. I deserved that. Every word. Probably even a few more. I pour my own cup and take a few sips. I need to apologize. That’s all there is to it. I was completely out of line and knew it the whole time, but couldn’t seem to stop the word vomit from escaping my mouth. Never have I had a jealous reaction like that to anyone. That makes me believe even further that stopping anything from happening last night was the right call. She doesn’t need my shit and I’m increasingly uncomfortable with all these emotions coursing through me. I’m wading into waters I am not prepared for.
I knock on Lindsey’s door, ready with an apology.
“I have nothing further to say to you until you pull your head out of your ass, which I highly doubt happened in the last three minutes. Leave me alone, Aiden,” she yells. Fair enough.
“I’m going into the office for a bit. See you when I get back.” Talking to a door reminds me of growing up with my sister. There were plenty of conversations through bedroom doors. Until I stopped trying. I have to live with the fact that if I’d kept at it, she might still be here. She may have never gotten a taste for the shit she used to put in her body. If I couldn’t save my damn sister, what the hell am I good for? That blame rests solely on my shoulders and that fact runs through my mind every damn day.
I just wish I looked at Lindsey like a sister. It would make this whole situation much easier.
After getting ready, I head to Donovan’s apartment. He still has his campaign headquarters but prefers to do as much work as he can at his apartment to stay closer to Kasey. He’s been traveling more and more for the campaign these days, so any time he can spend at home, he does. Though most of his work is conducted at the office, he feels comfortable having our security briefings in his home.
We get through the meeting, going through all the schematics and entry and exit plans with the team that will accompany him. It only takes a couple hours, and the rest of the guys are dismissed, leaving just Donovan and me.
“Lindsey seemed in good spirits last night. It’s always a guess to what she can handle at any given moment.” He says sitting behind his desk while I’m on the opposite side taking one last look at the event space lay out. It’s my job to make sure every t is crossed and i dotted, but his comment has me snapping my gaze to him.
“She’s a lot stronger than people give her credit for.” I’m getting a little defensive. I don’t like people looking at her like she’s some damaged little bird that everyone has to tiptoe around. If this morning was any indication, she’s learning how to hold her own just fine.
“She’s come a long way since she started therapy. I’m glad you’re there to keep an eye on her. Kasey was too close to the situation. Every time she had a bad day, Kasey was worried this was going to be the day we would have to have a serious discussion with her about medication.”
Donovan is a good guy. I know this in my head, yet at this moment, I want to throttle him at his suggestion.
My jaw clenches before I speak. “Just because someone isn’t on the schedule you think they should be for getting better doesn’t mean they need to be locked in the loony bin.”
Donovan leans back, a bit surprised at my outburst. Quite frankly, so am I.
“Aiden, I wasn’t suggesting she needed to get better on anyone’s schedule other than her own, or that she needed to be hospitalized. What has gotten into you?” He looks worried. Can’t say I blame him. After last night and this morning, I’m worry about myself too.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts a bit. I can’t seem to keep my shit together today. “Yeah, sorry. I didn’t get much sleep last night. Lindsey and I had a bit of a row this morning.” I really don’t want to tell him what happened. There’s no telling how he’s going to react, but if I know Lindsey, she’ll tell Abigail and probably her sister in no time. He might as well hear it from the horse’s mouth.
“There was an incident last night,” I begin.
Donovan leans back in his chair, and I feel like a boy in primary school having to visit the headmaster’s office for some sort of offense.
“What kind of incident? Do we need Kasey involved in this conversation?” He looks like he’s ready to pick up the phone to call her at the word go.
“No, nothing like what you’re thinking. It was an incident between me and Lindsey. She was in great spirits last night. She was drunk and playful after you all left.” Is it my imagination or is his body turning to stone right before my eyes?
“Aiden, you better tell me that you didn’t take advantage of my girlfriend’s drunk sister and she regrets it this morning.” His voice is low, and his tone promises swift retribution if I don’t answer the question correctly.
“No, no. I certainly did not,” I begin to explain quickly. “I think that may be the problem, though. I kissed her. We were cleaning up and playing around and I kissed her.” I hang my head, disappointed that Donovan would think I would take it too far with Lindsey, but also worried that just by kissing her, it’s already too late. Not to mention the fact that I did want to take it further. A lot further.
“She was none too happy that I stopped it. I felt like a right arse.” For more than one reason.
Donovan looks less inclined to throttle me after my explanation. He takes a breath and steeples his fingers under his chin, looking me in the eye.
“What do you want, Aiden? My approval to start something with Lindsey? Having you move in there wasn’t a matchmaking scheme on my part. Or Kasey’s. I didn’t think the idea would have crossed your mind, to be honest. I thought you were averse to relationships.”
He’s right. I’m not the relationship type. I had enough ups and downs emotionally dealing with my sister growing up, then even more after her death and leaving the military. I’ve never been inclined to give anything a real shot. There have been a couple of women throughout the years, but nothing serious. When they became needy or wanted more than an easy friendship that included sex, I was out the door. Better to leave them than to hurt them later. I don’t have it in me to give another person that all-consuming love and have them leave. Or die. Not on my watch. Been there, done that. But the idea of wanting something more with Lindsey is still tumbling around in my head.
“That being said, you’re both adults. Kasey may see her sister as a little girl who needs taking care of, but she’s an adult regardless. I don’t want to see this blow up in either of your faces, though. And it could, Aiden. Very easily. You live together and will be for the foreseeable future. Give this some real thought if you decide to go there with her.” There’s no judgment in his tone, only concern for possible heartbreak for Lindsey and I.
“Yeah, I’ve thought of all that, which is part of the reason I slept for shite last night.” Fuck, I must be tired if I’m having this conversation with Donovan.
“What’s the other reason?” he probes.
Shit. In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess.
“Honestly? Your brother.”
