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“I want you to do more than see me, Aiden.”
His eyes turn molten as he takes a sharp breath in.
“What do you want?” I ask, holding my breath, waiting for him to answer.
Chapter nine
Aiden
“Whatdoyouwant?”she asks, leaning into me.
God help me, that’s a loaded question right now. I want to take her to my bed and show her all the ways I could worship every one of her delectable curves. And then do it all again. I need her words, though. I don’t want to rush her into something she isn’t ready for.
When I went on my walk before coming back to the apartment, I was determined to have her forgive me and somehow make her believe I’m not the guy who’s going to say awful things to her out of anger. She has to know I’m not the asshole who says horribly mean things, then thinks if we avoid the argument, it just goes away. I want to do this right with her. Whatever this is. Whatever she’s willing to give me.
“I want you to know I feel like a heel for making you feel bad about the kiss. What I said was in no way, shape, or form how I feel. I got scared, and it came out as anger. I want you to see the amazing woman who fights to get her life back. I want to be a part of that, whatever that looks like for you, because, Lindsey, you are amazing. I’ve known that from the moment I saw your picture. The light you radiated in those photographs nearly knocked me on my ass. I want you to see yourself through my eyes.”
She blinks up at me, her eyes wide and misty.
“I haven’t been that girl in a long time. She might not be in there still.” Her voice is unsure. It wrecks my heart. God, I wish she could see what I see.
“I know she is, Sunshine. That girl is still you, no matter what you’ve been through. When you broke the glass the other night when your sister and Donovan came into the apartment, you fought the panic back. When I was a complete knob this morning, you fought back. I’ll have to remember you give as good as you get.” I give her a wink and a wide smile. The smile she gives back lights up her face. And my heart. Wow, that thing still works, I see.
“I’ve never been one to back down from a fight. At least not in my previous life.” She looks away and I see the memories dancing in her eyes of who she used to be before her life turned into a nightmare. “After you left, I was so scared, though. I thought for sure you were going to come back and tell me you were moving out or something. I spent half the day trying to convince myself that it would be fine if you left.”
The way her eyes are downcast tells me that she’s embarrassed by the admission. I sweep my hand under her chin, lifting her face so she’s looking at me, needing to make sure she hears me, that she understands the truth behind what I’m telling her.
“Sweetheart, it’s going to take more than a little bullshit argument to get me to leave you alone, I’m afraid. Now that I’ve tasted your lips, I must admit, I’m addicted.” I can’t stand to have her this close, this raw and not feel her lips. Leaning down, I lightly brush my lips over her mouth. Just a little taste. She moans softly at the contact, and a new sensation rushes through my body. It’s as though an electric shock is traveling down my spine. I need to hear that moan again. Pulling back, I look this amazing creature in the eye, trying to gauge her reaction. I need to know she’s ready for this because what’s about to happen is going to change things between us.
“When you kiss me, Aiden, I feel like that girl you describe. The one who’s brave, the fighter. I know she’s in there somewhere. I have to believe that, or I won’t ever be able to move on from the kidnapping. When you look at me, I don’t see the damaged girl reflected back. You say you’re addicted to my kiss? I’m addicted to seeing myself the way you see me. Someone who’s working so hard to get their life back, who doesn’t need constant reassurance that the boogeyman isn’t going to come after her again.” She closes her eyes for a moment and takes in a deep breath. “Like maybe, just maybe, there can be more to my life than living in fear and wondering what awful thing could happen if I leave this apartment.” It’s almost as though her statement is a prayer leaving her lips.
This girl makes me feel ten feet tall. It’s been so long since my opinion about anything has mattered this much to someone. LikeImatter this much to someone. Maybe we don’t have it all figured out and there’s still work to be done for both of us, but fuck, I want her to see how amazing and strong she is every day. I want to be the one she trusts to show it to her. To help her believe it for herself.
She turns slowly and wraps her arms around my shoulders, her fingertips grazing the back of my neck. Feeling her soft curves against the hard planes of my chest with her nails lightly scraping up and down my neck is nearly my undoing. I want to let her lead this, but holding back is an exercise in restraint I’ve never experienced before. But it’s never been Lindsey in my arms until now. This woman practically screams for me to take her and make her mine with nothing more than a simple touch.
She leans up and softly kisses me like I did to her moments ago. Tentatively, like she isn’t sure what I’ll do next. Maybe my words haven’t convinced her yet that I’m not going to freak out and push her away like I did last night. That’s about to be rectified.
I band my arms around her and pull her harder into me, hearing a sweet gasp escape her beautiful mouth. The mouth I can’t stop wanting to devour.
“I want to make this perfectly clear to you now, Sunshine. I want this. I want you and all that entails. The shit that happened last night won’t happen again. I’m not afraid and I’m not going to push you away. The way I see it, we’ve both got shit to figure out and get over, but that’s just part of life. I want to start living life. I want everything you are, even the so-called damaged parts. They match mine,” I say as my eyes bore into hers.
It hits me like a shot to the heart just how true that statement is. Both of us are waiting for the next tragedy, the next boogeyman, to get us as she described it. We’re both waiting for the next person we love to be taken from us. Look where that’s gotten us. Alone, scared, and angry. God, I want to turn that around. I want us to have something good that we don’t have to be afraid of losing.
“I really didn’t think having you move in here would flip my world like this, Aiden. I’m not sad about it, though.” The smile she gives me lights up the dark parts inside of me. The parts that say I don’t deserve this, that I’ll just let her down like my sister. Every piece of me warms as her light travels through my chest. It’s been so long since I felt anything like this. Is this what happiness feels like after all these years?
I lean in and kiss her again, my hands wandering over her back and up to her neck, my fingers getting tangled in her silky blonde waves. The soft kisses and moans are making my cock reach out for attention. It’s been so long since I’ve had someone in my arms that I wanted with this much intensity, if ever.
She pulls back slightly from my kiss and looks me in the eye like she’s trying to read my thoughts.Can she see the barely restrained desire I have for her?The kind I’ve never felt before and honestly didn’t know I could? Does she feel what her soft touches are doing to me? Just then I hear a rumble that, if I’m not mistaken, came from her stomach. She tries to hold in her laugh, but it’s too late. The sensual spell we were under is broken and I bend to rest my forehead against hers, chuckling along with her.
“I suppose you really needed those pretzels, huh?”
“Yeah, suppose so. Ugh. Why does my appetite have to come back full force within the last week? This really kills the mood.” She scrunches her nose, and I can’t help but kiss the adorable little tip.
“Nope. In fact, I was going to suggest we order dinner,” I say.
Lindsey pulls her head away from mine and gives me a skeptical look, as if she doesn’t believe that for a second. Obviously, she’s correct in the thought. The only thing I intended to do was ravage her mouth and any other parts of her body she would’ve been up for. That can wait, though. First, I need to feed my girl.
“Pizza?” I ask her, already knowing the answer.
