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“Oh God, you didn’t.” My eyes widen in fear of what came out of Jackson’s mouth. Again.
“Of course I did. You and Kasey never had a brother looking out for you. I like that I get to be the one doing it now. Although I don’t think my threats carry much weight with him.” He grumbles.
I can’t help the laugh that escapes. “I’m sure he was terrified. Shaking in his boots.”
“Har har. You’re lucky I don’t have a fragile ego. Otherwise, I might take offense to your little joke, if that’s what you could even call it.” He’s totally offended.
“It’s getting dark,” I say nervously into the phone. My mind races with worst-case scenarios about where Aiden could be if his car’s here, but he isn’t. This is a good neighborhood and all, but I’m getting worried. I pace the apartment back and forth with my phone still next to my ear.
“Do you want me to come over and wait with you?” There Jackson is again, breaking through my thoughts that aren’t going anywhere good, and willing to just be there for me.
“No, that’s okay.” It’s really not okay, but I’m determined to come across as someone who isn’t afraid of the dark. I’m an adult dammit. Just then, I see someone walking up the stairs to my building. I peek out the curtains and see Aiden letting himself into the building.
“He’s back. I’m gonna go. We’ll talk soon,” I rush out.
“Okay. Let me know how your conversation goes. Or don’t. God, I’m getting way too invested in this girl talk shit.” He says that more to himself than me, and I chuckle at the disgust in his voice.
“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to be a big brother. Comes with the territory,” I tease.
“Ugh. Bye.” Jackson hangs up the phone and my laughter dies on my lips when I hear the lock turn. Time to face the music, I guess. I’m still irritated but have calmed considerably in the last couple of hours. I’m ready to have a rational conversation about feelings. Totally doable.
Aiden walks in and looks around for a second before spotting me standing by the window. The look on his face is apologetic, but I see resolve in his eyes like he came to some sort of decision. Maybe the conversation with Jackson and the walk he took gave him a chance to work out the shit that had him tangled up last night and this morning.
“Sunshine.” He looks at me and puts his hand over his heart. “I am so sorry. I didn’t realize how late it was getting. I know you don’t like to be here by yourself after dark. As soon as I realized the sun was going down, I rushed home.”
Oh man, so he’s sorry about the late hour and not the words he threw at me this morning? Well, we’ll see about that.
“Seriously? No ‘hey, I was a total shithead this morning. What can I do to make it up to you?’ You’re sorry about the time?” I shake my head and turn back to the window, noticing just how dark it’s gotten in the last couple minutes.
“You looked terrified when I walked through the door. Figured I would start there.” I can tell he’s trying to gauge where my mood is before he continues talking. Probably doesn’t want to walk into another land mine. Smart man.
My brows raise to my hairline and my jaw clenches as I head to the kitchen to pour myself a glass of wine and rummage through the cabinets for something to eat. Or take my mind off his disappointing apology. What should I have expected, though? For him to come in and wrap me up in a kiss? Actually, that would have worked.God, I’m a sucker.
“Okay, since we’re starting there, yes, I was getting worried. Dang it, don’t we have some damn pretzels or something?” I’m grumbling to myself, looking through the shelves, when he comes up behind me and opens the cupboard above my head, pulls down the bag, and sets it on the counter in front of me. He doesn’t move. The heat of his body feels delicious behind me. All day I’ve been worrying that he was tired of having to deal with me, possibly looking into other living arrangements.
He leans his mouth to my ear. His arms bracket me while his hands cover mine, which are resting on the counter in front of us.
“I’m sorry about everything. I was a complete asshole this morning, and you didn’t deserve that,” he says quietly.
His mouth moves to the back of my head, and he lays a kiss on the crown.
“These feelings… I’m not used to them,” he tries to explain. I sense him struggling, but I’m not going to make it too easy for him, even if my body is lighting up from that simple kiss alone.
I close my eyes, relishing the feeling of having him so close, feeling the rumble of his chest as he speaks softly to me.
“You can’t do that to me again, Aiden. I’ll always be honest with you, but you can’t accuse me of things that aren’t true and make me feel like some sort of, I don’t know, flighty little girl who doesn’t know her own mind. I mean, I know I’m a little mixed up right now with everything else, so maybe that’s how you really see me…” Insecurity hits me square in the chest. I was feeling such righteous indignation moments ago, too.
“No, Sunshine. I see a strong woman in front of me who went through something so horrific it’s made her see the world as a dangerous place out to get her. I see a woman who works so hard to get back to the person she was before. Before her sheltered world was flipped upside down. I see a fighter.”
“How?” I breathe out. I certainly don’t feel like much of one these days.
“The way you put Kasey and Donovan first, for one. You had no idea if you would feel okay with them living somewhere else, but you never let it show. I know you were nervous about the change, but you were willing to give it a shot because you want your sister to be happy. The way you’ve opened up to me and let me see all the cracks and don’t expect anyone else to fix them for you. The way you stood up to me when I was a complete twat, throwing the kiss in your face. You’re a fighter through and through. You could have given up and never left your bed, but you haven’t.” His voice is reassuring, and I feel all sorts of tingles down to my toes with the way he so confidently explains what he sees in me.
“You see all that?” I close my eyes, wanting to feel like the fighter he just described.
“I see everything about you, Sunshine. I see you.” When he says that, I believe him. He doesn’t see the little girl who needs to be taken care of and watched over constantly. He looks at me and he sees the woman I am, or at least the one I’m trying to be. The one who isn’t damaged beyond repair. I may be a little bent at the moment, but he knows I’m not broken.
His hands flex over mine as though he’s resisting something inside himself. I don’t want him to fight anything. I want to feel him, all of him. I lean back into him and lay my head against his chest, turning my face up to his.
