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I swore never to deal with another kidnapping case again. Then Kasey and Lindsey went missing. That was, of course, an entirely different scenario. So is the one Liam asked me to help with. Though I may not feel like I owe a debt to him for helping me a few months ago, even though he obviously does, I can’t help but feel the job he needs me for is life or death for the little girl. Sure, he could find someone else, but can I, in good conscience, not help? Liam and I trained together, served together. We made a great team then and there’s no doubt we still would. Plus, it’s practically programmed in my DNA to be the dependable one, even if it ends up breaking me.
There’s nothing other than my job tying me to Philadelphia right now. Donovan would understand my reasons for needing to take some time off. Lindsey’s staying with her mom for the foreseeable future, so there’s no one here keeping the home fires burning as the saying goes.
It’s after two in the morning, but I decide to send Liam a text.
Me: I’m in.
I don’t know how much Liam sleeps these days. When we served together, he was always the first one up and the last one to hit his bunk. When the phone rings, I expect it to be him calling to confirm details with me. Or to give me shit for playing hard to get. The guy knows when innocents are involved, I’m the first to volunteer. Glancing at the screen, I see Lindsey’s name flash at me. I’m immediately worried that something else happened, and she’s had another breakdown.
“Lindsey.” My voice is deep and cautious with worry. Please don’t be bad news.
“I think I made a mistake,” she says in a soft, hesitant voice.
“What is it, Sunshine? What happened?” I sit up in bed ready to jump in the car and run to her rescue without a moment’s hesitation.
“I’m trying to sleep, and my brain won’t turn off,” she begins. “God, I just need to know if I ruined everything. I mean, I know I left, and I know I’m a mess, but I was wrong. About so many things.” Hearing the tears in her voice causes my throat to tighten.
“Baby, I have never looked at you as being anything other than amazing. You’re the one who hasn’t seen it in yourself,” I tell her. Her voice is so small and soft. I don’t like it. The only thing I’ve ever wanted is for her to see herself the way I do, and it breaks my heart she still doesn’t.
“Do you still look at me like that?” I detest the uncertainty in her words. To be honest, if she’s still questioning how I feel then maybe I haven’t done a proper job of telling her what she means to me.
Taking a deep breath, I’m determined to finally get her to believe that everything I’ve been saying to her the past month won’t change. Ever. “I will never stop thinking you’re amazing. And beautiful. And mine.”
“Aiden, I’m so sorry. I freaked out after what happened at the bar and couldn’t see past it,” Lindsey chokes out. Hearing her sobbing on the other end of the line completely guts me.
“Shh, baby. It kills me to hear you crying when I can’t be there to put my arms around you,” I beg. She can’t seem to stop right now, so I do the only thing I can at the moment and simply stay on the phone with her. It’s killing me, but this is what she needs, a cathartic release, and I’ll be damned if I don’t allow her to have it.
“I’m scared, Aiden, so scared. But God, I’m so relieved I’m still yours. I don’t know what I was thinking. I wanted to save you from having to deal with me, but I think I was also trying to save myself from losing you. Hearing what my mom went through after my dad died made me realize I was trying to prevent my heart from breaking when you decided you’d had enough of dealing with all my problems and left me. I was trying to save future me from heartbreak.”
“Not going to happen, Sunshine,” I tell her confidently.
Lindsey takes a breath as though she’s absorbing some of the confidence I feel. “I think I know that now. At the very least, I know I don’t want to fear losing you because I’m too much. I want to come home. I want to be with you and see where life takes us. I want you in my corner and I want to be in yours.”
Lindsey tells me about the conversation she had with her mom and sister. She explains the heartache and defeat her mom felt after losing her dad. I can’t imagine how that would feel. To lose the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with in the blink of an eye like that.
How much pain does this family, this girl, have to go through? I want to wrap her in my arms and keep her safe, so she never has to go through any of this shit again.
When she tells me hearing her mom’s story makes her realize that her father wouldn’t want her giving up on life, I could almost kiss her mom for helping her see the truth. That throwing in the towel and living in darkness is no way to spend your days. Even if the world and all your problems feel insurmountable, there’s always going to be a new day, and maybe that day can be better than the last.
“I know he wouldn’t be okay with me giving up, either. It’s hard and scary, but I can do this. I have to do this. I refuse to give any more of myself to her. Helen took so much, but I’ve been giving her the rest. I’m done with that.” This is the girl I’ve always seen her as, even when she couldn’t. My fighter.
“We’ll take it slow, Lindsey. Little by little, we’ll try new things. But please don’t push yourself like you did. Baby, knowing you were there and I wasn’t about killed me. You have no idea.” My voice cracks, the memory of what happened still so fresh in my mind. The panic almost overwhelms me again, but I remind myself I made it to her, and she’s safe tonight.
“I am so, so sorry that happened, Aiden. I should have listened to the voice in my head that was uncomfortable after I got there. Stubborn as usual, I guess.” A self-deprecating chuckle passes her lips.
“Hey, I love your stubbornness. Maybe we just need to put it toward something a little more productive, yeah?” I’m smiling into the phone, so damn happy to be having this conversation with her. Any conversation, really. Not knowing if she would ever talk to me again or throw it all away fucked with my head in a way I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Not even Jackson.
“I’m going to come home tomorrow. If that’s okay with you?” she asks.
“I’ll come get you right now if you want. The bed is lonely without you next to me.” Please say yes. I don’t want to spend another night in this bed alone.
“No, it’s late and I don’t want to wake up my mom. But will you stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep? I just want to know you’re there.”
I can’t say I’m not disappointed, but like the lovesick fool I apparently am when this girl is involved, I’ll take what I can get.
“Of course, baby. Close your eyes,” I say softly with a smile on my face.
I listen to her breaths even out. I love that I can still be a safe place for her. That she finally realizes she can let me be that, even when she thinks she has nothing to offer and is too much trouble for anyone to deal with.
