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“Seriously, woman. If you don’t speak, I will presume you’re in mortal peril and kick this flimsy ass door in.”
…
“Last chance, Em… Fine. I’m coming in.”
I ran to the door, pulling it open, having to dive out of the way as a 6 foot 3 Cosmic God flew through the doorway, landing on the floor at my feet.
Looking up at me, he pushed his hair back from his face, staring at me with those stunning jade eyes. His face was fixed and serious as he spoke. “I fucked up, Emmy. I’m so sorry. I don’t blame you for hating me or for leaving. I hate myself for what I did. Can we talk? Please.”
Tanner
Ididn’texpectherto open the door, so as I ran to slam my shoulder against it to force it, I flew through the space and landed on the floor at her feet.
It’s probably where I deserve to be.
Addi told me Emmy had quit, and Matt was taking her home. I texted him and told him to wait outside and make sure she didn’t leave. I needed to speak to her. To explain. To beg for her forgiveness.
Fuck, I’m a monster.
I looked up at her and lost my breath. Fresh out of the shower, her long hair tied up, not in that fake ponytail Fi gave her, but in a messy bun. Freckles covered her nose, as did a pair of black glasses. Dressed in a cropped tank and short shorts, she looked like a different person. All the things she obviously used to protect herself or put a certain image out into the world were gone. Stripped bare. Leaving her real, vulnerable, and so fucking beautiful, I was speechless.
She raised an eyebrow at me, and my cock throbbed in response. “What do you want, Tanner? I think you said everything earlier when you forced your tongue into my mouth.” Her caustic words burned through me.
I pushed myself from the floor. “I need to explain, Emmy. Please.”
She took two steps backward, holding her hand out to keep me at a distance. “Nope. You don’t, and I don’t want to hear your piss poor excuses. Some guy attacked me last night. I’m still covered in the bruises he caused. I told you it wasn’t the first time something like that had happened and you still tried to force yourself on me, so fuck you. Now, if you don’t mind…” She pointed to the open door.
I dragged my hand through my hair with a sigh. “Please, Em. I fucked up. I really fucked up. It’s late and I bet you’ve not eaten. Let me make you dinner while I explain. Please. If you still hate me after that, then I’ll leave and you’ll never hear from me again. Matt is still right outside, so if I say something or try anything, then you can shout for him, and he can make me leave. Matt, do you hear that?”
“I’m right here, Emmy,” he called to reassure her before he pulled the front door closed, leaving us alone in her apartment.
“You have an hour, but keep your distance, because you smell of sweat and rock star and I don’t need all your pheromones causing me to make bad decisions.”
I smiled, shucking off my jacket and throwing it over the countertop before I searched her kitchen for something to cook.
It was well after 2 am when I handed her a bowl of prawns and pasta in a homemade tomato sauce. I loved to cook, but I didn’t get to do it much anymore as I was never home. I took my time, emptying her pantry and fridge to make something I hoped she’d love, but also trying to give myself as much time with her as possible before she threw me out.
She didn’t say much while I worked, watching me from her seat on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, hiding her body from me again. After about thirty minutes, she moved past me in the small space to take a jug of water from the fridge, before reaching up on her tiptoes to get some glasses from a cupboard, giving me a glimpse of her curved hip and milky white skin. Biting hard on my bottom lip, I forced down the groan that threatened to escape, knowing I was on thin ice already.
Sitting opposite me now, on her small dark gray sofa, her long legs twisted under her body, rainbow-covered feet sticking out from under her blanket. Her eyes closed as she sucked the pasta from her fork, humming in appreciation. “This is amazing, Tanner. Where did you learn to cook?”
“Lori made us all learn. She wanted us to be able to look after ourselves, although none of us have ever really had to try. I’ve been in the band since I was a teenager and we got picked up by the label when the twins and I were twenty. Since then, it’s been mainly living in hotels and traveling.”
“Do you have a house of your own somewhere?”
“No, my stuff is still at Lori and Phil’s. Didn’t see any point, as we’re never in one place long enough.”
“That’s a long time to be without somewhere to call your own. It must be exhausting,” she said, matter-of-factly.
“It is. Pretty lonely too. It’s probably why I became a prize douchebag. And what I did earlier, that was the worst. I’m so sorry for kissing you like that. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
She looked up at me, her eyes full of rage again. “I do. You were being a typical rock star, thinking we must all be in awe of you and grateful for any tidbit of attention you throw our way.”
“Look, it’s no excuse, but I’ve been sober and clean for a few weeks now, ever since my overdose. Everything feels so fucking raw and exposed. I have all this energy and nowhere to channel it. No way to take the edge off. I saw you and I thought kissing you might do that. I should have never done it.”
She frowned, as she stared at me from behind her black glasses. “Sober? How’s that?”
“Pretty shit. I mean, isn’t half the fun of being in a band the rock and roll lifestyle?” I shrugged.
