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“Justplay the drums? What the fuck, Frankie?” Mav stared at her. “Your drums are the beating heart of the band. You keep us in check, on time, you give our strings a rock heartbeat. Why would you say that?”
“I don’t know. People come for you guys. They come for Tanner’s rock god-ness, they come for Mav’s energy, and Gray’s come-to-bed eyes. I’m just the chick at the back who bangs things with sticks.”
I wanted to wrap her in my arms and make her feel better, but the boys needed to understand how she felt. Tanner pulled out his phone to make a call. He put it on speakerphone. “Addi, it’s Tan. Frankie is feeling a little unloved in the band, and I wondered if you could send me the video you showed me last week.”
“Oh, of course. I’ll send it now. What do you mean, unloved? Fuck, we all need to talk more. I guess this is your doing, Emmy? You might need a pay rise after all this, lady. I’m sending it now. I’ve never mentioned it before because you never seemed interested, but we can talk in Paris if you need to, Frankie. Okay?”
“She’s nodding,” Tanner replied, watching Frankie. Hanging up the call, his phone beeped. He pulled up the video and pressed play, laying it in front of Frankie. From my seat next to her, I could see it all. There was no sound, just a 30-second video of bags and bags of mail. At the end, Addi spoke. “Frankie wins the Cosmic God of the month again. She beat all your asses and got way more fan mail than any of you.” It ended and Frankie looked up, wide-eyed, her mouth hanging open.
“You win every time, Frankie. You get more fan mail than any of us. You’re not invisible, you’re not unimportant, you are central to our success. People have taken the time to write those letters to you. I’m so sorry if my behavior made it all this worse for you. But youareimportant. We’re an equal part of this band. Fuck, it’s taken me being sober for a whole three weeks to be able to say that, but it’s true. It’s notmyband, it’s our band. You might have been an annoying thirteen-year-old that got her mum to make us let her practice with us, but you are the best drummer and I’m so glad you’re doing this with us.”
“Yeah, sis. Stop being a dick. We love you. The fans love you. Damn drama queen,” Mav laughed out as he pulled her in for a bear hug.
“Look, why don’t we book some time in the US, bring all our lyrics and ideas, and let’s see if we can write some new shit together,” Gray suggested, causing Frankie to nod enthusiastically.
“Love you all, you giant man freaks, but at the next stop I’m getting off before Emmy, the witch tries to heal any more of our life issues. God, woman, you are freakishly good at making us say shit.” She winked, and I smiled because I’d never loved my job more.
I went to bed in my compact double room at the back of the bus that night, excited about the adventure ahead. After two hours of tossing and turning, trying to get used to the constant movement and the sound of the traffic around us, I got up, needing a drink. It was so warm earlier that I’d only worn my sleep shorts and tank top to bed. Thinking everyone else would be asleep and also feeling safe in our bus-shaped bubble, I didn’t even consider needing to cover up. When I noticed him there, laying out on one of the sofas, I let out a little squeal as I pulled on the hem of my top, wishing it was longer. His eyes flicked up, and he smiled an easy half-smile. “I saw you dressed the same last night. You don’t need to run and hide from me.”
“Sorry, you shocked me. I hate feeling exposed.”
He frowned at me before holding out a thick gray comforter, which I wrapped around myself, grateful for the protection.
“What are you doing up, Em?” Tanner asked, tapping the empty seat on the sofa next to him.
“Couldn’t sleep. It’s a weird sensation on here,” I replied, sitting down next to him, trying to keep some distance between us.
“Yup. But you’ll get used to it and then you won’t be able to sleep unless you're moving.”
“So, why are you awake, Tan?”
Rubbing the back of his neck, he glanced over at me, his jade eyes looking sad. “I’ve not been able to sleep since I was a kid. There’s something terrifying about going to bed and waking up alone, not knowing when that person will be back. Knowing you have to protect yourself. I find it hard to turn off that flight or fight mode. Booze used to help. I’m struggling to find new ways to cope with things.”
“That must be hard and you must be exhausted.”
“Yes, and yes,” he replied with a half-smile. “Did you get up for something in particular, Emmy?”
“Hot chocolate.”
“Can I make you one? Cream? Marshmallows?”
I nodded. “Please.”
Seeming happy that he could do something for me, he leaped up to make us both a hot chocolate with the works.
“Not sure all this sugar will help you sleep, Em, but if it makes you smile, then I’ll happily make you one every night.” He handed me a huge mug of hot chocolate, piled high with whipped cream and tiny marshmallows.
“For a prize douchebag, Tanner, you have a pretty huge heart.” I winked as I took the drink from him.
“Can we not let people know? You’ll ruin my rep. Can we share the blanket? I’m freezing now.”
“Of course.” I lifted the blanket, inviting him under. Tanner pulled my legs over his lap, covering us both in the warmth of the blanket. Resting his hand on top, just below my knee, his thumb circled slowly. I didn’t shrink from his touch or worry it would go further. I just enjoyed the sensation of his hand on my body, comforting me with his touch, and the low timbre of his voice as we chatted.
I didn’t remember when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, I was back in bed, tucked under my covers. I looked over to find a post-it note stuck to the mirror across from me.
Anytime you need an insomnia buddy, let me know. Hope you didn’t mind me putting you to bed. I promise I was the perfectly well-behaved rock star. Tanner
Tanner
