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Itdidn’ttakeherlong to fall asleep and as her breathing settled, she sleepily curled into me, pressing her head to my shoulder. She’d looked beautiful when I caught her off guard last night at her apartment, but seeing her like this, knowing she’d relaxed a little and started to drop her walls around us, made me smile. I mean, she wasn’t really wearing anything revealing, but for her, I knew it was a big deal.She trusts us.Three boys on the bus with her and she trusted us to wear shorts and a tank to bed. If I did nothing else on this tour, I wanted to give her the confidence to be herself and help her break free from whatever had happened in her past and what had happened since she’d met the band… or should I say, since she’d met me.
It was strange how much I wanted to see her smile, to be near her, to hear her voice. Her very presence was intoxicating. I wondered briefly if I was simply making her a substitute for my addictions. Something new and exciting to fill the hole I would normally drown in drink and drugs. The sound of her snoring softly pulled me from my thoughts and I scooped her up to carry her to bed. All the rooms on the bus had a double bed. If we had to spend weeks on this thing, then we all demanded luxury. And why not? We’d done our time in crappy hotels and our tiny, run-down campervan Phil used to drive us to gigs in.
Laying her down, I thought about curling up next to her and declaring I was too tired to make it to my own bed, desperate to feel the warmth of her body again.Just one more time.But I’d done enough damage, and she was worth so much more. Instead, I pulled the comforter over her, ghosting my fingers across her jaw before leaving her, reluctantly, to go upstairs to my room.
I stripped off my clothes, sliding into bed in my boxers. I couldn’t get the thought of Emmy pressed against me out of my head. The warmth of her, the smell of her skin, her long hair dancing over my thigh as I’d carried her to bed. Suddenly, my hard cock tented the soft material of my shorts. In the past, when I got horny, I usually picked a woman from the crowd, but being sober had changed all that. Or maybe it was meeting Emmy. Although that was way too scary to think about, so I pushed those thoughts away.
Dragging my boxers down, I freed my swollen, throbbing cock. I let myself fantasize about what it would be to sink inside her and my balls pulled painfully.Fuck, what am I doing? I can’t touch her again. She’ll leave for good.But no matter how hard I tried to stop them, images of her flashed through my head. Feeling my body wrapped around hers when I fell asleep that first night, her hair, smile, her vanilla scent, her ability to ask questions without you even realizing she was unpicking your soul. I didn’t realize I was fisting my cock until an orgasm ripped through my body and I came with a loud grunt as cum covered my stomach, my heart racing, and my body pulsing.
I tried to pretend it was just lust from going without sex for weeks, or because I was sober and overwhelmed with the emotions I’d drowned for years, but I knew it was more. It was her. She’d done something to me and while I didn’t understand it, I didn’t think I ever wanted it to stop.
I woke up at 11 am, pulling on some jeans and a black V-necked t-shirt before I wandered down my stairs to see the twins and Emmy sitting around the table playing cards. Emmy was laughing loudly, dressed in some gray sweats and a white baggy top. Her long hair platted into a fishtail braid and her black glasses sat on her nose, the bruises from her attack turning green and yellow instead of the angry purple they’d been. She looked delicious. My cock swelled in my jeans and I turned towards the coffee machine so no one would notice.
“Morning, rock star. I’d love a coffee, please. I would offer to make them, but your brothers cheat, and I’m on a winning streak.”
“Oh yeah, what do you win?” I asked, my voice coming out deep and low as my physical reaction to her unnerved me.
“We’re going to get naked for her later, aren’t we, Em?” Mav said.
I spun around. “Like fuck you are. She deserves more respect than you getting your dicks out for her to see. Seriously—”
“Relax, man, I’m joking. We’re playing for who gets to pick the film tonight.”
“Fuck off, Mav,” I spat back at him, failing to see the funny side. Out of nowhere, a hand pressed into the small of my back.
“You okay? You having a bad day, or are you just tired?” Glancing down, I was met with Emmy’s eyes staring up at me, concern written all over her face. The warmth of her hand burned into my back, rendering me speechless for a moment.
“I, erm, I’m just tired, and I want you to be able to relax. You can’t do that if my dickhead brothers are trying to get you to watch them strip.”
“They’re joking, Tan.” Her gentle tone soothed me and the tension slipped from my shoulders. I couldn’t understand why or how she was having this effect on me. As if her being here was soothing the jagged edges of my broken soul. “No one has made me uncomfortable. Not even the man that carried me to bed last night. I’m good. I promise. Although I appreciate you looking out for me. Just chill.”
I clenched my jaw to stop myself from saying anything else and handed her the coffee I’d made her.
After passing the twins a coffee each, I sat down next to them. “So, we arrive at the hotel soon and we have two days until the first gig. What shall we do?”
“Eiffel Tower,” Gray shouted.
“Croissants,” Emmy suggested, with a smile.
“Roxie,” Mav winked. Roxie was his on-again, off-again girlfriend. She’d been living in Paris for a few months for work and I knew he was desperate to see her. “Roxie has my nights, but you guys have my days. Let’s go explore and have some fun.”
Emmy’s face suddenly dropped. “Bugger, I can’t. It’s part of my contract. I can’t be seen with you guys. It’ll blow our cover. God, does that mean I literally have to live on a bus for six months?”
“Fuck that. There are lots of tricks you can use to hide who you are, so you can come and play with us. I mean, a backward baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses, and not even your best friend would recognize you.” I pulled out my phone, tapping out a message to Addi, telling them what we needed, and it wasn’t long before I got her agreement and a plan to make it happen.
It was 1 pm, and I’d been on a video call with Levi for an hour. I was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. We’d dug up a lot of my past and talked about how that made me who I was today. I hated that my evil mother affected me as an adult, but Levi was right. She did, and I needed to accept that before I could learn how to move on.
“I don’t want to let them all down. They need me to be sober. I want to be a better person for them. They need to see that I’ve changed.
Levi held up his hand to stop me. “When you do it for other people, it never works, Tanner. Those people might disappear, start relationships with other people, leave the band. If you do it for them and they leave, for whatever reason, then why would you carry on with your sobriety? You need to do it for you. For your health, your well-being, your own sanity. Your reasons have to beyours. When we speak next, I want you to think of three reasons you want to do this for yourself. Just you. Okay?”
“Fine.”
“But for the record, Tanner, you’re doing great. You’ve got great self-awareness and you’ve not drunk for weeks. You should give yourself kudos for that. It’s a big deal. Remember, one day at a time and you can have a sober life you love.”
Laid on my bed, letting everything from my session with Levi settle, I heard a knock on the door.
“Yeap.”
