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“Fuck her, Tan. And yes, I did you use the F word because she deserves it. You. Now.This.Thisis the best version of you. Don’t let her ruin that. Don’t fall back into your old ways that never helped you. You need to find new ways. The swimming, the therapy, spending time with the people who really love you, like Addi. They’re healthy ways to cope. You just need more of them. So, let’s work out some ways together. Okay? Promise me you won’t drink right now. Do the gig and then we can focus on what happens next later. Maybe today it’s too much to take your sobriety one day at a time. Maybe today we need to do one hour at a time. I’ll stay here with you until it’s time for you to go on stage. I will help you find some new ways to cope and then after the gig, we will go back to the hotel together and take it one hour at a time. Deal, rock star?”
Sniffing, he raised his head slowly, smiling at me, his jade eyes glistening like jewels. “Deal. Where do you want to start, angel?”
“Well, first things first. Absolutely no kissing me,” I said with a wink. Pushing myself awkwardly off the floor, I headed to the door.
“Emmy, where are you going? I thought you weren’t—”
“Two secs, Tan. I’m not going anywhere. I just need Matt to get me a couple of things and ask him to let Addi know she’s got her sober lead singer back in one piece. I’m not leaving you for a second. I promised you, didn’t I?”
He nodded, staring back down at the floor again, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever seen anyone seem more lost and alone.
After speaking to Matt, I turned back into the room, closing the door behind me.
“Boots off, rock star.” He didn’t move. “Socks and shoes off, Tanner. And get your ass on the sofa.”
Looking confused, he got up, sitting back on the giant bottle green leather sofa that filled one side of the room. Pulling off his boots and socks, he placed them on the floor before looking up at me. I couldn’t help but notice how his eyeliner made his jade eyes stand out even more than normal.
“I’ve never known a man who wears eyeliner, but you pull it off, Tan. Now lie back and give me your feet.”
His brows pinched together in confusion.
“Trust me, come on. I don’t have a secret foot fetish and I promise I’m not about to suck your toes.”
“Spoilsport,” he laughed out.
I sat at the other end of the sofa, pulling his bare feet into my lap, and I began rubbing. Starting with the balls of his feet, then his heels, and the arch of his foot. His feet were silky smooth and soft to the touch, which I was secretly glad about. If his feet were hard and hairy, this wouldn’t be as much fun. As I worked each foot with my fingers, I saw him visibly relax. The lines on his forehead softened, his shoulders dropped, and his breathing lengthened and slowed, a look of peace passing over him.
“Shit, Em. I don’t think anyone has ever massaged my feet. It feels… well, I’ll be adding this to my list of ways to relax when my bitch of a mother annoys the hell out of me.”
“Hey, no mentioning that woman. I want you to relax, and talking about her won’t help.”
As I continued to massage his feet, there was a soft knock on the door and Addi entered with a tea tray and my messenger bag.
Tanner didn’t open his eyes, but Addison looked between us both, her mouth hanging open. She mouthedthank you,putting down the items I’d requested before she left.
“Hhhhmmmm. Who was that?” he asked, his voice heavy and slow as if he was hovering on the edge of sleep.
“Just some other things to help you. Tell me about writing songs. How do you do it?” I asked as I continued to rub his feet, listening to the soft sighs that slipped from his lips.
“What do you mean? Where do I get the ideas?” he replied, his voice deep and husky, as he relaxed.
“How does an idea become a number one hit?”
“They just come to me. In the shower, when I’m trying to sleep, walking, driving. I used to get them all the time and then I guess the drinking, the constant partying… that part of my brain closed down, but lately, I’ve been having more ideas.”
“And do you need to write everything in order, or do you just let it fall onto the page?”
“Never in order. I like to make notes. It might be a word or a phrase. It might be some lines of a melody. The others always laugh at me, telling me I vomit songs out. The twins are much more structured and I’m not even sure how Frankie writes, as she’s never shown us anything,yet.”
“That’s what I thought.”
He opened one eye, cocking his eyebrow at me. “Why do I feel like I’ve just been on the end of some of your Emmy witch magic?”
“Maybe you have. Sit up for me. How are you feeling? Honestly?”
“Calmer. The need to drink is more like a dull ache, rather than a gaping wound like earlier.”
I smiled, glad that I was able to help him shift how he felt. I walked to the other side of the room and poured two cups of tea from the tray Addi had left before reaching into my bag and pulling out a notepad. I handed him the tea.
