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I shook my head, pulling off my robe and rolling back into the bed, patting the space next to me. He laughed, before shucking his own. Bouncing in next to me, he wrapped his naked body around mine, his hard cock pressing against my hip.
“Just ignore the obvious erection, angel. He’s got a mind of his own, and however much I want you to touch me again, I think it’s time to close your eyes.”
“Hhhhhmmmmm,” was all I managed before sleep descended on me. Just before it did, I heard him.
“My heart’s already broken beyond repair, Emmy. Please don’t destroy any more of it. I don’t think I could cope.”
He placed another kiss on my temple and I relaxed into the heat of him, silently promising him that I would keep his damaged heart safe.
Chapter 16
Tanner
“Youhavetoseehow doing this for anyone but yourself will end in failure, Tanner. No matter how much you love them, you can’t do itforthem. The minute they upset you, hurt you, or break your heart, then the solution is going back to your addiction. You have to do it for you.”
“I am,” I spat back, angry that we were having the same conversation,again.
Levi closed his eyes and pinched his nose, obviously as frustrated with me as I was with him. Opening his eyes again, he looked at me. “From what you’ve told me, you’re not. You’re trying to be a better person for Emmy, but what if she decides she doesn’t want this life, or that you’re not the man for her? Then what?”
“But she won’t. She wants me as much as I want her.”Doesn’t she?I shook the doubt from my head because she did want me. I was sure of it.
“For now.”
“Fuck you, Levi,” I yelled because he’d just voiced what the thoughts in my head were whispering constantly. “What we have is something special. You don’t get to belittle that.”
“I’m not. But you don’t know what the future holds. She might meet someone else, decide that your lifestyle is too much, or even want to move to New Zealand. You have to build your sobriety in a way that will survive whatever life throws at you and right now, it’s very much dependent on other people.
“Is it fuck.”
“Tanner, please, you have to listen to me. I’ve been doing this for twenty years and the one thing I’ve learned is you can’t live your life to make other people happy. Make yourself happy, sober, and safe first. Then those other relationships can grow.”
“I think I love her, man. I wouldn’t tell her that, but I do. She’s everything. We all love her.”
“And do you love yourself, Tanner, honestly?”
“Fuck no, I’m broken. My mum broke me. I don’t think I’m lovable at all.” I hated saying those words out loud but it was absolutely how I felt. How she’d left me feeling when she simply upped and left me all alone in the world.
“So, if you love Emmy, would she ever love you?”
“How could she?” I shrugged. How could anyone ever really love me? I didn’t even believe the family who’d taken me in and treated me like their son and brother really loved me, so how could Emmy?
“Tanner, I can’t control what you do, but listening to you, I have to advise against starting a relationship. Work on yourself before you can build a life with someone else.”
“She sees me. She knows me. It’s enough, Levi.”
Frustrated with the whole conversation, I slammed down my laptop before he could say anything else, pulling out my notebook to write some lyrics while I pushed Levi’s words from my head.
“Right, everyone back on the bus. Next stop, Switzerland.” Addi clapped as we all boarded our respective buses.
“Why not come and join me and the boys so we can chat some more?” Emmy asked, pulling Frankie by the hand. I wasn’t in the mood to rake over the past right now, so I pretended to have not heard her request and headed straight for the stairs to the upper part of the bus before anyone noticed me.
“Erm, rock star… where do you think you’re heading off to? I meant you too.”
Avoiding looking at her because she’d see right through me, I kept my eyes on the stairs, running my fingers through my hair. “Can we not, Em? I’ve got a headache and I’m knackered. I just want to sleep and wake up at the hotel tomorrow. We have a few days off when we get there. Can we do it then?”
“If that’s what you want, Tan. Everything okay? How did your session with Levi go?”
“Fine. He cut it short, so I must be doing alright. I’ll see you all tomorrow. I promise I’ll feel better then and be ready to talk.”
