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Emmy grabbed a slice of pizza and flicked open her notebook, while Addi took a seat with us all on the sofas. “I have one question for all of you. You included, Addi. What’s the worst bit about being in the band?
“That’s easy,” I said. “The public scrutiny. It’s constant.”
“That’s lame and an easy out, Tanner. Did you really think I’d let you get away with that?”
I shrugged, hating this question because I was terrified that everyone’s answer would involve me.
Addi spoke. “Tanner overdosing.”
I knew it.
“Seeing him gray, covered in blood and vomit, his eyes vacant while those stupid girls screamed. God, it was the worst night of my life. Knowing that I’d given you Rylee to deal with your shit because I couldn’t cope anymore, and we basically fed your overdose. It still haunts me. I’ve been having therapy each week since it happened.” The pain of her memories flashed across her face for a moment, before she pulled on the mask she wore so well when she wanted to hide her feelings.
“What? You’re seeing a therapist? Why didn’t you tell us?” I questioned, feeling guilty that I’d done that to her.
“Because my job is to manage you, not to lump all my problems on you. But I am sorry, Tanner. I should have stopped you way before I did. I should have protected you.” Her voice wobbled as she spoke, and I knew she’d hate sounding vulnerable. That wasn’t Addi’s style at all.
I reached over, stroking her cheek with my hand, understanding the tender moment I’d found Emmy having with Gray. Right now, all I cared about was taking away Addi’s pain. “You have nothing to apologize for, Addi. My overdose was all on me. I did that to myself. Do you think Rylee feels guilty, too? Should I talk to her?”
“Maybe. I don’t know, but it can’t hurt. Although she’s so skittish, she’ll probably run a mile.”
“I am sorry, Addi. For putting you through all that. For freaking you out so much, you needed therapy. I really am trying to make it better.”
Not one for public displays of affection, Addi patted me twice on the cheek with a wink. “I know, Tan. I really do.” She turned her attention back to the others. “Right, who’s next to answer Emmy’s witchy questions?”
“Me, I guess,” Gray answered. “The worst bit about being in the band is feeling like it’s all going to vanish. That I’m not good enough, that I don’t deserve to be a part of it and I’m waiting for the world to realize.”
“And does that cause the OCD?” Emmy asked, her soft voice like balm soothing the jagged edges of his pain, because she knew how much he hated talking about this stuff.
“It does. But therapy is helping. It’s getting better,” he promised.
Gray paused, giving us all a small smile to reassure us that his compulsions were under control. “Wow, we should just get a band therapist,” he declared, trying to lighten the moment. “It would save us a fortune. Right, Mav, your turn.”
“Okay, my worst thing is… actually, I don’t think I have one. I love being part of all of this. I’m so fucking grateful for it all I forget about the bad stuff,” Mav declared.
“Hhhhmmmm, we might come back to that, Mav, but for now, I’ll let you off the hook. Tanner?” Emmy prompted, and I swallowed hard.
“Becoming an addict. That was the worst thing. Missing out on all the moments because I wanted to drown. I was so lost. In a way, I’m glad I overdosed because it brought me back from the edge. You all saved me.”
Frankie leaned in, kissing me on the cheek, and I knew what was coming.Fuck.
“Mine’s easy.” Her abrupt words ricocheted through me. “The night Tanner beat my boyfriend so hard, he put him in a coma and when he woke up, he was so afraid, he left me.”
Emmy gasped, the twins dropped their heads, and Addi glared at me, anger at the memories raging in her eyes.
“Tanner, you beat someone into a coma?” Emmy asked tentatively, her voice sounding different.What was that in her tone? Anger, disgust, disappointment?It was then I realized I couldn’t let this one slide. I needed to explain to Frankie. Finally.
“We’d been together about six months, but Tanner decided he wasn’t worthy of a Cosmic God and beat him half to death. When he came out of the coma, he wanted nothing to do with me. I thought he was my forever, but Tanner had other ideas.”
I ran my fingers through my hair, sensing everyone’s eyes on me. Right now, I would have loved a shot of something strong that would make what I was about to say easier.
“That wasn’t the reason,” I mumbled.
“What?” Frankie snapped her head around to look at me. “Whatwasthe reason, then?”
I paused, the thought of what I needed to say burning like acid in my throat.
“He recorded you having sex, sis. He had a house full of hidden cameras. He hid cameras in your hotel rooms. He was posting the footage online. Selling videos of you. He turned you into a sex tape, Frankie.” It was less than a heartbeat until her palm struck my face as she slapped me.
