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Ethan stood in front of the patio doors, whiskey in hand. Dressed in shorts and an unzipped hoodie, I glimpsed his familiar toned chest with the light covering of fair hair and his flat, toned stomach that I’d licked and kissed so many times before. I’d never seen him look so vulnerable, and I hated that I’d done this to him. Hearing us enter, he nodded at the glasses of amber liquid he’d poured for Ivy and me. She took hers and moved to place a soft kiss on his cheek. A jealous pang cut me deeply as I remembered the times she’d given me that affection and touched me like I mattered.
I stared at her and wondered how I’d forgotten just how beautiful she was. Those thick, tight curls tousled and messy, her pale skin dotted with freckles. White silk shorts hung low on her round hips and her spaghetti strapped cami skimmed her large breasts, her pebbled nipples dark beneath the sheer material. I wanted to hide my arousal for them, but there was no chance. My swollen cock tenting my sweats.
Ethan’s eyes burned into me, his rage bouncing around us, like the threat of a thunderstorm hanging heavy in the air.
“You wanted to talk, Gray? Talk. Ivy wants to hear. Me? I’m not sure there’s anything you can say to make what you did better.”
I paced the floor, wondering where to start.
“I don’t blame you for being angry,” I offered. “But I appreciate you giving me a chance. Shall we sit?”
Ivy and Ethan sat on one side of the kitchen island, and I sat alone on the other with the realization that I’d started this divide but their marriage had made it bigger. They were now a unit, joined out of choice, and I was alone. Suddenly, it all felt too much. The emotions from the last eighteen months, the enormity of what I felt for them, how unhappy I was being a record label robot with the band. I swallowed hard, trying to push down the surge of emotions that hurtled through me.
“You both look happy. I’m glad. I never meant to hurt you, and I want you to know I’m truly sorry, but I’m not sure what I hoped to achieve by coming here. I get I’ve left it too late. I should go.”
Ethan stood, throwing his arms in the air. “And there he is. The famous Cosmic God who doesn’t get his own way, so he runs. Things are a bit hard… need a bit of time and conversation to make them work and he runs. What? Are we not falling into your lap, so we’re not worth your time, rock god? Is that it?”
“Don’t fucking call me that. You’ve never made me feel like someone famous and I loved that about us. Don’t ruin it, Ethan, please.”
“Don’t fucking ruin it?” he screamed. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Ivy stood and wrapped her arms around him, silently soothing him, and I felt my heart break even more.
“You left us because your life with the band was more important. That being a rock star wasn’t conducive to our relationship. I think that gives me the right to call you anything I fucking want. And there are so many words I have stored up for you.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Eighteen months, Gray. A year and a half without a single word. You just left. Everything we shared. All those conversations. For fuck's sake, we declared our undying love to you and promised you the world, and you walked away. What do you think you can say now that will change things? And let me give you a hint,I’m sorry,isn’t it.”
“I love you.”
“So I hear. Remember, you told me over text? I don’t give a fuck. I have loved you for so long. Ivy has loved you since she met you, but you needed eighteen months away from us to realize you felt the same. Well, fuck you. I will not let you hurt us again." He paused, stepping out of Ivy's hold, bracing his hands on the counter, rage tightening his jaw. When he spoke again, his tone was softer, but his words hurt just as much. “I will not listen to my wife sobbing because you broke her heart ever again. You ripped our hearts out that night. We would have found a way, waited for you, hid how we felt for you, and been your best kept secret if that’s what you wanted, but you ran like a fucking coward. You are a fucking coward, Gray, and I will never forgive you."
I didn’t wait for a heartbeat to reply, needing him to understand how I’d felt at the time and why I did what I did. I needed him to understand why I’d made the biggest mistake of my life and how much I wanted to turn back time and to have found the courage to stay with them.
“I have no excuses. I ran because I was scared about how much I cared about you both. You both telling me you loved me was everything I wanted to hear, but there is so much more to think about than how I feel. I have to protect the band. But every single minute of every single day since I left, I’ve been miserable. My life feels empty without you both. I love you so much. That hasn’t changed or faded. In fact, it’s probably grown and taken root so deep in my heart that I won’t ever stop loving you. I was desperate to tell you both that night. But then what? You become my dirty little secret? Someone sells us out to the press? And then… You hate me? You leave me? I end up alone anyway? So, I cut out all that pain and heartbreak and left. It seemed like the only way. I should have talked to you. Explained. Leaving you both like I did was the worst. I was a coward.”
Ethan slumped to the stool, deflated. “Fuck. If you just talked to us,” he mumbled. “Eighteen months, Gray. Not a single word. You gave us up.” The anger was gone from his voice, replaced with what sounded like pain and heartbreak, and I hated that I’d done that to him… to them both.
“And you both got married,” I replied, sounding just as broken.
Jumping from his seat, he grabbed me, knocking his glass to the floor as he moved, causing Ivy to scream out in shock. Ethan slammed me against the wall, forcing his weight against me, pushing the air from my lungs. “I married the woman I loved, Gray. If you’d hung around. If you’d stayed, I would have married you both. In a heartbeat. That’s how much I loved you. How much Ivy loved you. You… You gave up on us. So, fuck you if you think you have any right to feel jealous because we got married. It could have been so different.”
He released his grip, and I moved to pick the broken glass from the floor, unsure what else I could say, the finality of the conversation hitting me hard. Not concentrating, a shard of glass sliced my palm, and I watched the blood drop onto the white-tiled floor. I flexed and tensed my hand, trying to focus on the sting of the pain it caused rather than the one in my chest as my heart disintegrated.
I slumped to the floor, watching the drip, drip, drip of the blood as the itch under my skin became unbearable. I pulled my knees to my chest, letting my head fall against them, a sob spilling from my lips. And then it happened. Without warning. Out of nowhere.
I broke.
Chapter 13
Ethan
Grayslumpedtothefloor, making a noise that sounded like he was being ripped apart before he burst into tears. Not quiet, silent tears, but angry sobs. He pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face in them while his body rocked.
I was so fucking angry with him that I tried not to care. To ignore the obvious breakdown of someone I used to care about.Who am I kidding? Someone I loved. Would always love.But I couldn’t. I felt it. His cries were the ones that Ivy made for weeks after he’d left. Ones that I made alone in the shower when no one could hear me. Ones that made me see how broken he was.
My heart ached to comfort him, but I didn’t know where to start, and my anger stood between us like an impenetrable wall. But before I could overthink it, there she was. One of the many beautiful aspects of our three way relationship was there was always someone to give you what you needed. And right now, he needed her.
