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She placed a kiss on my head, but my need to create some space overwhelmed me and I ran from the restaurant, leaving them all behind.
I wished I could have ran to them. To explain all the bad decisions I’d made, how weak I was, how much I loved them, how I just wanted to protect them and the band, along with the legacy we’d been building for a lifetime, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. Instead, I retreated to the hotel and did what I always did. I stepped under the burning water of the shower, hoping the pain of the water on my already blistered skin would shake me back to life. That it would soothe the itch that used to prickle under my skin, but now consumed me.
I didn’t realize what I had in my hand until the rip burned across my wrist.
I didn’t expect how much relief it would bring me until warmth started to leak from my body.
I didn’t understand how deeply I’d gone until the water turned red and my legs gave way.
Chapter 24
Maverick
Mytwinhadlookedlike a zombie for weeks. Sad, broken, lost, but tonight at dinner he was worse than ever. It was like he’d given up and checked out and it scared me. When he’d left the restaurant, I’d felt it. That connection that only twins had. I couldn’t explain it. I’d always thought it was when your twin’s pain got too much to bear, you got to share some of it with them. And after he left tonight, I felt so much pain I couldn’t breathe.
“Addi, we need to go. Now!”
“Why?”
“Gray! Something’s wrong. I can feel it.”
“He’s just—”
“Addi, we need to go. Trust me.”
I grabbed her hand, pulling her with me. I could have taken Tanner or Frankie, but I could feel in my gut that I needed Addi’s level head. As we moved to the car waiting outside, I spoke. “We need to sort this mess, Addi. Tell me you can sort it. Ivy, Ethan, Hazel?”
“I don’t know if I can. I want to. God, Mav, I’ve messed up so much. I want to fix this, but let’s go and check on Gray first.”
When we arrived at his suite, his door was locked, which he never did. Not even after Tanner found him with Ethan and Ivy. I nodded to Ed, who kicked it open. The first thing I noticed was the heat, the second thing was the shower running. I felt his pain before I found where he was. Like I’d lost a limb. I cried out with the burning sadness that ripped through me like a knife, as his suffering engulfed me. And that’s when I saw it. The blood pooled around my baby brother as his body lay slumped in the corner of the shower, his life tumbling down the drain.
“Addi,” I screamed. “Call an ambulance and get me some towels. Now!”
I ran, turning off the shower and ripping my shirt from my body, wrapping it around his wrist, lifting his arm above his head, trying to stem the bleeding.
“Gray, don’t you dare leave me. Don’t you fucking dare,” I begged. “We can sort all of this. We can make it better, but I can’t live in a world where you’re not. Fuck, please, Gray. Don’t do this. Why wouldn’t you talk to me? Why would you hurt yourself?” Tears spilled down my face, dripping down and mixing with the blood that filled the shower tray as I stared at my twin brother, who looked like life had already slipped from his body.
Addi appeared and screamed when she saw him, running over to help me pull him out of the shower onto the floor. She checked his pulse. “He’s still breathing. How did you know?” she turned to ask me.
“I didn’t. I just felt like something was wrong.”
Minutes later, the paramedics were taking care of Gray while Addi and I watched over him. Out of nowhere, Hazel appeared.
“What’s happened now?” she spat out.
“What happened? What fucking happened?” I screamed, closing my face to hers. “What happened is my twin brother was so unhappy with the life you forced him into, so unhappy not being allowed to be the person he wanted to be that he tried to kill himself. What happened is you and this fucking band.”
“Maverick, I understand you’re upset by your brother’s weakness, but none of his failings are on me. I’m just here to do a job. I’m just here to protect the investment of the label from any more bad publicity.”
Addi spun around and grabbed Hazel by the wrist. “I have kept quiet for far too long because the job I love was at risk, but fuck this. I will not stand back and watch you manipulatemyband. They are people, they have lives outside the band, and who they choose to be or choose to love is not open for negotiation. Now you can go and tell the label this. We quit. The band quits. I have offers from other labels who are happy to take the band as they are. They don’t want to polish them and make them perfect humans because no one is perfect. They want them as the flawed, wonderful people they are.
“You did this to Gray. I did this to Gray. In fact, anyone who didn’t tell him it was okay to be himself did this to him. Now, if I see your face again, I will make sure to plant my fist in it. Get the fuck out of here while we go and find out if someone we love is going to be okay.”
Ivy
Myphonerangwithan unfamiliar number, and I answered it, but before I could even ask who it was, someone spoke.
“Ivy?”
