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I spent two weeks in the hospital. The tour was postponed. My shrink re-employed with strict instructions to let Addi know if I ever missed a session. I was put back on my meds and I spoke to the hospital psychiatrist, who wanted me to have some intensive support by booking myself into rehab.
“Doc, I didn’t set out to kill myself. I’m not suicidal. I just wanted to silence the noise in my head and I’m taking care of that now. I don’t need to be locked away for weeks on end. I locked myself away before this happened. Now I want to go and live my life. I have things in place to protect myself and my mental wellbeing.”
“We have our eyes on him, Doctor. We have therapists for him in the UK. He needs to go home. It will help him more than being here,” Tanner reassured him.
“Fine, we’ll discharge you into the care of the therapists you’ve set up, but you need to be very aware of your feelings, Grayson, and if you feel that need to silence them again then you have to be honest with someone.”
I left the hospital a few hours later. I didn’t walk out the backdoor. Even though Addi hated the idea, I walked out the front door, refusing to hide for a second longer. Wedding ring in place, my summer triangle chain around my neck, and my hands wrapped around my husband and my wife, where we were met by the world’s press. We didn’t stop to answer questions—that would come later, but we left united and unashamed of who we were, which was what I should have done months ago.
Ethan
“Thisisn’tthewayto the hotel, is it?” Gray asked.
“No, it’s not. We didn’t think you’d want to be back there after everything that happened, so we booked a house. Pool, beach, privacy. There's security around. Addi wouldn’t let us do it any other way, but we wanted time with you. Time to talk, to curl up and watch movies and eat pizza, time to reconnect. We’ve missed you, Gray,” I admitted.
I looked across at my Cosmic God husband. He looked better than he’d done when he’d first woken up in the hospital, but he still looked like a shell of the man he’d been a few months ago. Thinner, harder edges, less sparkle in his eyes, and Ivy and I planned to change all that. But deep down, I was worried. Worried about making it worse for him… that what she’d done to him was unfixable… that he would always have that feeling that he was unworthy and unlovable. Ivy reassured me that it would take time and I needed to be patient, but patience wasn’t really something I was good at.
“That sounds perfect,” Gray replied with a contented sigh.
I smiled, hoping it would be enough
We arrived at the house about an hour later. I woke Gray, who’d fallen asleep in my arms, holding onto Ivy’s hand, and we’d helped him inside in his groggy state. He’d soon woken up fully when he took in our home for the next week.
The house was stunning. Addi did a perfect job finding it. High ceilings, open plan, secluded, with four guards around outside, so we knew we could relax even though the world’s media was chasing Gray’s story.
“Look, Gray. You need to tell us how to pace this. We don’t want to push you or make you feel overwhelmed. There is a bedroom for you if you want it or you can sleep with us. We don’t want to make you feel any more stress or worry.” Nerves danced in my stomach as I waited to hear his reply.
Gray smiled, stepping towards me, pushing his lips to mine. He wrapped his arm around my neck, his tongue pressing across my seam until he could slip inside and taste me. I moaned. Our lips moved together as he pressed his hard cock against my hip. He then reached out to find Ivy too.
“Fuck, I missed my summer stars. I know I messed up again. I know sending you away was stupid, but I thought I had to listen to Hazel. I'm so sorry.”
“We said no more apologies, Grayson.” Ivy reminded him. He rolled his bottom lip between his teeth and nodded.
“So, does that mean we can look forward to sharing a bed with you tonight?” I asked, my soul aching to feel his hard body in between Ivy and I.
“Please,” he groaned out.
“But first we need to talk, Grayson. Eth and I need to know what happened. Why you did what you did… to us and to yourself.”
“Ivy… he might not be ready.” I hated how nervous I sounded, but I was so worried that the slightest thing would send him over the edge.
Gray offered us a small smile. “No, it’s fine. I owe you both an explanation. Let’s sit and I’ll tell you everything.”
I poured us all a glass of wine and we moved to sit in the sun, looking out over the sea, feeling like we had our own slice of the world all to ourselves.
“Shall I just talk and you can ask me anything as we go?” Gray asked, settling onto the L-shaped outdoor sofa in the middle of us. Ivy nodded, encouraging him to open up.
“The night we got married was the best of my life. It was everything. I got up the next morning and it was all over the news. Hazel was already there, throwing out her hate and making me feel like I’d ruined your life and the band. You know that my insecurity comes from not feeling good enough. She made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for any of it. When I sent you home, I thought it would be for a week or two, but she made me hand over my wedding ring and my chain, but then she wanted my phone and even my passport. All for the good of the band and at the demand of the record label. I threatened to quit. I’d meant what I said to you both when I told you I’d choose you over the band any day, but she threatened to sue us and worst of all, to keep the rights to all our songs—past songs and any we write until our contract with the label was done. Which is another five years. I couldn’t do that to them—Frankie, Mav, Tanner. I couldn’t let them take what we’d worked for all these years because I was in love. Her threats and constantly telling me I was worthless and dirty and needed ‘fixing’ all built up. I didn’t think to question her or talk to the rest of the band. I just took it all, thinking I was saving all of you when, in fact, all I was doing was breaking myself.”
He paused and took a sip of his wine.
“I missed you both so much it hurt, and I started to spiral. Stopped talking to my therapist, stopped taking my meds, and spent so long in the shower that my back blistered, all because my heart was broken. I did everything she wanted, but she still kept after me. And the things she called me when there was no one else around. That I was broken, filthy, perverted… I believed all of it.”
“I’m so sorry you went through that on your own, Grayson. I want to sit on your knee and wrap my arms around you, but I’ll be honest. I’m scared to touch you. I don’t know what you’re thinking, and I don’t want to make this worse for you.” Ivy’s honesty was a welcome relief because I felt like I was walking on eggshells, and I hated it.
“Firefly, I want you to be you. I want us to be us. I’ve missed you so much. Come here.” He tapped his knee and Ivy moved, straddling his lap, running her fingers over his jaw and down his neck.
Gray sighed loudly from her touch.
