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“Condoms. We need condoms,” she panted out, making me lift my head, confused.
“What? Why?” I questioned.
“You’ve been with someone else, Grayson. I know you probably used protection, but you should get tested again.”
“What?”
“You were engaged. We saw the photos of you with her. You were obviously having sex with her in them. I mean, I know we weren’t together, and this probably isn’t the time to talk about this… I don’t want to put any more pressure on you, Grayson, but I can’t have you inside me or Eth without a condom until you’ve been tested. We love you, but it’s too risky.”
I sat back, shocked, but then what else would they think? It had been set up to look exactly like that. If it didn’t look real, the press wouldn’t have believed my sudden change in sexual preference.
“I think we should pause the make-up sex,” I said, standing from the bed and reaching for my pants.
“Grayson, I’m sorry. I don’t want to upset you.”
“Firefly, you can always tell me how you’re feeling. Total honesty, remember? But I think we should pause this to talk. No matter how hard my cock is right now, there are some things I need you to understand. I want to explain.”
“Gray, we don’t need you to explain anything right now. We brought you here to heal, not force you to have to relive what’s happened.”
“Please. Can we go sit and talk?”
“If you’re sure. Give me a few minutes to get dressed and go to the bathroom. Why don’t one of you go and make coffee?” Ivy suggested.
Twenty minutes later, I was curled up on the sofa overlooking the ocean. Ethan sat on the low table in front of me and Ivy sat to the side, coffees in our hands, and while the sun rose fully in the sky, I started talking.
“I didn’t sleep with Ebony. I didn’t even kiss her unless I was instructed to. The relationship, the engagement, and photos were staged, courtesy of the PR bitch, Hazel. It was all fake. I married you both. Despite what I did later, my commitment to you never changed. I love you both. I’ll get tested again if you want me to. Of course, I will, but I’d never sleep with anyone else but you two.”
I watched as a tear spilled down Ivy’s cheek as if I’d just restored her faith in our relationship with each other.
“Ethan, baby, you’re breaking my hand,” I cried.
“Shit, I’m sorry." Ethan relaxed his grip on my hand but didn't let go completely. "I’m so fucking sorry we left you there to deal with that shit on your own.”
“You couldn’t have stayed. She would never have let you.”
“I don’t understand how she got away with it. Why didn’t Addi kick her ass out and tell the record company you’d quit? Why didn’t your brothers or Frankie step in?”
I looked down, ashamed. “They didn’t know. Addi knew what they were threatening to do, but they made her sign an NDA so she couldn’t tell anyone. I don't know what they threatened her with, but it must have been bad because she kept their secrets.”
“And the band, why didn’t you tell the band what she was doing?”
“Honestly, I was scared. I knew if I told them, they would walk. They would protect me, no matter what. How could I have done that to them? Taken everything from them… the band, probably all our money in lawyer fees and court cases while we tried to get free, but worst of all, the music we’d created, that we love. Every song… gone. How could I do that to them? I thought I was saving them, but all I was doing was killing myself.”
Ivy buried herself against my body as she wept.
“Sorry, bad choice of words, but that’s what I was doing. Slowly killing myself, living a life I hated, pretending to be someone I wasn’t, missing the people I loved with all my heart. I felt empty, alone, and so fucking lost. The showers weren’t working, and I didn’t know what else to do. I just wanted to feel something. Anything. Anger, love, pain.
“Now I’ve had some time to think about what I did in that shower, that’s what it was. I was just trying to feel something, anything, but that feeling nearly killed me. Hazel’s behavior, my failure to tell Tanner, Mav, and Frankie what was happening, Addi’s fear of the public reaction to our relationship… it all led me down a path and I couldn’t see any other way out. I didn’t ever think about ending my life. Not consciously. But in that moment when I did what I did, I didn’t see another way.”
Ethan moved next to me and wrapped Ivy and me in his arms. “And now?” he questioned, his chin resting on the top of my head.
“And now, I’m here with you and I have six months off, so I guess I have to use that time to learn to live in a public life I hate. I need to find a way to feel stronger to fight my corner and not let myself get bullied by some bigoted bitch.”
“But you have to go back, eventually. What stops them from forcing us apart again, or threatening you all? What’s to stop them going after Mav or Frankie next?” Ethan questioned.
Ivy wiped the tears from her face before she took our hands and pulled them to her chest. “Eth, we will find a way to make this better, for now, let’s just take a while to help Grayson heal from all the crap he’s been through in the last few months, and then we can work out a way to help him. Because we will help you. Grayson. I promise.”
I sighed, feeling the weight of everything lifting from my chest, pushed away by the force of their love.
