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“But that doesn’t help us know who or why. Is it a fan? Something to do with me arguing with the record label? I mean, it could be anyone. How the hell are we going to find her?” Ethan cried.
“I’m on this,” Thomas promised. “My team and I won’t sleep until we find her, but you two need to try. You’re both exhausted, and she’s going to need you to look after her when she gets back. All of you, get some sleep and I’ll be in touch in the morning.”
I sighed as I hung up because Thomas was right. I didn’t know when we’d last slept or eaten or even showered. Finding Ivy was all Ethan and I cared about.
“I can’t sleep knowing she’s out there,” Ethan mumbled.
“Let’s just go to bed, and we can rest for a couple of hours. Thomas will call if he finds anything.”
“Do you want us to stay?” Addi asked quietly.
“No, go get some rest too. You don’t have any of your stuff here.”
“Fine, but we will be back first thing, and then we’re staying until we find her.”
Ethan wrapped his hand in mine, nodding to Addi and the others, who moved to let themselves out.
We walked to our bed, where we’d not slept since Ivy went missing. The sheets still smelled of her. In fact, it felt like she was everywhere in there, making the tears spill from my eyes.
“Let’s shower then sleep, Ethan, and then we can be stronger to find her tomorrow,” I suggested as I wiped the tears from my face, missing her so much it hurt my heart.
That night, Ethan and I showered together before we fell asleep, holding on tightly to the other, hoping neither of us would break completely before we found her.
I shook Ethan awake, reluctantly. I’d felt him tossing and turning all night until he must have finally fallen asleep in the early hours. I’d not slept a wink because I was so worried about him. Even in sleep, he looked exhausted. He was always so put together, but right now he was teetering on the edge of feral. Over the last few days his eyes had shadowed with dark circles, his skin paled, his hands rubbed together nervously when he thought no one was watching and he paced constantly.
He sat up in bed, half asleep and there was that horrible moment where he’d obviously forgotten and offered me his beautiful smile, but in a heartbeat, he remembered Ivy was missing and his face crumbled, a noise ripping from his chest that sounded like he was being tortured. I cupped his face as he leaned into my touch, staring at me with a silent question. I shook my head as I handed him a coffee. “Nothing.”
He sighed, taking a sip of the hot black liquid, and then his eyes flicked up to mine. “Are you okay, Gray? Sorry, I’ve not even asked. Are you—”
“I’m worried sick. Fuck, I’m terrified, but I won’t break, Ethan, I promise,” I reassured him.
“How would we do this without her?” he asked, the pain clear in his words.
“Ethan, you can’t think like that. I can’t talk like that. I can’t imagine a world without her. Thomas is brilliant at his job. He will find her. He has to.”
Ethan put his coffee cup down on the side table and wrapped himself around me, the warmth of his body soothing the ache that had lived in my chest since Ivy went missing. “I’m so scared, Gray. It’s all my fault. If I’d not been so selfish, she wouldn’t have been out there on her own. She would be here with us.”
I kissed him lightly on the temple. “You are anything but selfish. How is saving the band, getting us our music back, and offering to change your whole life to look after us selfish?”
“But I didn’t think about how Ivy would feel about that plan once. I just thought she’d come with us. I thought being with us would be enough for her, but I should have known. I mean, I didn’t even offer her a job with the band I’d planned for her or explain how I thought it would work. Now I’m never going to get to explain. To apologize.”
“Stop!” I cried, grabbing him by the hands. “For fuck’s sake, Ethan. I need you to stop. I can’t listen to this anymore. You made a mistake, and she got angry. But the rest… her going missing is not on you. I am barely holding it together here. I am desperately trying to be strong for you, so, you can fall apart, but I can’t have you talk like she’s gone. I can’t have you talk like she’s dead.”
The word hung heavy in the air as we both stared at each other.
“My mum is massively into manifesting. What you focus on you get more of, so right now I need you to change your focus. I can’t have you sitting there thinking she’s already gone for good. I need you to believe with every beat of your heart that our girl will be okay. That your princess, my firefly is somewhere right now fighting with everything she has inside her to get back to us. Please, Ethan. Can you do that for me? For her? Right now, we’re helpless, but believing that she will get through this is something we can do. I need you to focus on what we want and not what we fear the most.”
Ethan reached out and cupped my face, looking at me with so much love I felt guilty because Ivy wasn’t here to be a part of it. “There’s a reason you’re a songwriter, Gray. You have a beautiful way with words. You’re right, I can’t do much right now, but I can do that. I’m so sorry. I left everything up to you while I fell apart. I promise I will give her all my positive thoughts. No more negativity.”
I leaned forward and kissed him, briefly, letting my lips steal some of his newfound strength because although I was trying to be strong, I felt it slipping with every minute we didn’t hear anything.
Suddenly Ethan pushed me away from him, wide-eyed. “Press conference. We need to tell people that she’s missing. People might have seen her. I mean, Thomas is right, who could miss her curls? Are you up for a press conference?”
“If we do it together, I’d try anything.”
“Of course, we’re doing it together.”
“Okay, then. Let’s get to work. I’ll call Addi. Go get ready.”
