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Adam closed his eyes and sighed.
“I’m sorry for raising my voice, but not for speaking the truth. I’m next to useless and don’t see that changing any time in the future.”
“I think that’s the pain talking,” I said more for Tor’s benefit than Adam’s. “You were right. You need the next dose of oxy.” I moved away to get it for him. “I saw Cassie when I was out. I asked her if there was anything stronger. There’s not. Uan, the fey who was hurt stopping the hellhound hidden in the silo, is still in bad shape. She was using the heavier stuff on him. Maybe Tor and I could go out on a supply run and look for more though.”
“No,” Adam said immediately. “I don’t want you going out there.”
“And I don’t want you sitting in here, thinking your life’s done.”
“Tell her, Tor. Tell her how dangerous it is.”
I made a derisive sound. “It wasn’t dangerous a week ago. Why now?” My expression softened as I approached the couch again. “Because you won’t be there, right? I trust Tor to keep me safe. And you do too or we wouldn’t be here.”
Adam made a face without opening his eyes.
“I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you because of me.”
“And I can’t live with myself if I sit by and do nothing while you’re suffering. That’s not what you do when you love someone. Here. Take this.”
When he opened his eyes, I handed him the pill and a glass of water then sat next to him.
“We’re in this together, Adam. We’re a team. I’m not going to let you suffer when there’s something I can do to help you.”
“Let’s give it a few more days,” he said, threading his fingers through mine. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I’m being overly impatient.”
However, his underlying despondency lingered even after the pill kicked in. He ate dinner quietly, listening to Tor’s praise of my cooking skills without comment. He made it through half a movie before asking Tor to return him to his room.
It felt like he was withdrawing. From me. From life. From hope in general. And I didn’t like it.
When Tor returned, I tried to keep the mood light and continued my explanation of why the friendship between a hound and a fox would be so unusual. His curiosity and observations distracted me from my underlying worry. By the time the movie ended, I could talk about Adam more calmly.
“Adam’s going to need more medicine,” I said when Tor moved to put the movie away. “And I don’t think it’s going to be easy to find. I’d rather start looking before he runs out.”
Tor studied me for a moment.
“Ryan can look for it.”
I shook my head.
“Now you’re being stubborn like Adam. There’s no reason for me not to go out there.” I stood and set my hand on Tor’s bicep. “I trust you. Trust me enough to know what I’m capable of. I’m not reckless. I won’t needlessly put myself at risk. I’m familiar with the supply runs and know to listen. Plus, I know you’re strong enough to toss me onto a roof if the situation becomes questionable.”
Tor glanced down to where my hand rested. He exhaled heavily.
“Adam shouldn’t have yelled at you.”
“I know. And I think he knows that, too, deep down. He’s hurting, and it’s messing with his thinking.”
“Uan doesn’t yell at Nancy, and his insides are outside.”
I grimaced.
“Uan has stronger pain medicine. Please help me help Adam. He needs the medicine to help him think past the pain, too.”
Tor grunted and gently lifted my hand from his arm. He turned it over, looking at my palm. He was so curious about everything that I didn’t mind the intense scrutiny. I let him look his fill and waited patiently for his decision.
“I will help you help Adam.”
“Thank you, Tor.” I turned my hand in his, giving his a squeeze. “Do you think Brog would be willing to keep an eye on Adam tomorrow?”
