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“Wait,” I said, rushing forward. “Let me help you before you bust a stitch.”
He paused what he was doing to look up at me. Or rather, my boobs.
“What are you trying to do? Get more comfortable or get out of bed?” I asked when he said nothing.
“Out of bed. But I changed my mind.”
“You hurt yourself, didn’t you?” I leaned around him to inspect the stitches along his side.
The hand of his good arm lightly settled on my hip.
“Females are so soft,” he murmured with reverence.
“Careful what you say. Some females might take that as an insinuation that they’re fat.”
“I like all females. Round ones are hard to find, though. Shax is lucky to have Angel.”
“Angel? Isn’t she the pregnant one close to giving birth?”
“Yes.”
I laughed lightly and straightened.
“The stitches look good, but you shouldn’t try moving around without help. And Angel’s not fat. She’s pregnant. There’s a difference. If you want a girl with a lot of soft, tempting curves, she needs to be fed more than two lean meals a day. Food is fuel. When we don’t burn the fuel, we store it.” I patted my hip above his hand. “Usually goes right here for me.”
His gaze dipped to where his touch lingered, and he surprised me by sliding his fingers along my skin.
“It is much softer here.”
I shook my head. “Thanks, I think. Are you hungry? Turik went to warm your dinner.”
“I will eat. Will you stay and talk to me?”
It was only because he was watching my face and not my body that I sat on the end of the bed.
“What would you like to talk about?”
“I want to know more about why you have those bruises. I want to understand why a man would do such a thing. Why did you not come here sooner?”
I knew he didn’t understand that those questions caused as much hurt as Nat’s fist. Just as I doubted he would understand the reasons I’d stayed. I felt unjudged by his patient stare and tried to shake off the shame and pain threatening to blanket me.
“It’s hard to explain. Fear kept me in the end. Fear that, if I tried leaving and he caught me, everything I’d suffered before that would be nothing compared to what he would do to me. It’s still there. That fear. Even though you and Turik both say that I’m safe here, I wonder how long it will take Nat to figure out where I am and come for me. What he will do…” I shook my head to dislodge the darker thoughts.
“It was easier to try to appease him,” I added. “Safer.”
I saw then that was how we’d gotten to the point we had. The cycle of anger and appeasement had slowly escalated over the months. At first, only an apology had been necessary. But Nat’s anger had gradually grown. I could still remember the first time he’d grabbed me by the throat and the way I’d excused that behavior in my head.
“You live in fear,” Vorx said, his tone deeply troubled.
“Doesn’t everyone these days?” I asked with a slight shrug. “We have infected trying to get us. Hellhounds walking around in daylight. Shortages in food. Sure, we’re surviving for now, but what happens next when all the pre-existing food goes bad in three to five years? When the solar panels break and there are no replacement parts?”
“We have food animals,” Vorx said. “And when the ground thaws, we will plant things.”
“There’s not enough land inside these walls to feed the animals and humans. We need space outside these walls to grow things. And the infected will be right there waiting for us.”
I let out a breath and realized why I’d finally walked away from Nat, even though I knew in my gut that he would come after me and try to hurt people here. Because it didn’t matter. Today, tomorrow, in a few months? Deep down, I believed humanity’s time was running out.
Troubled, I hugged my knees to my chest and stared at the blanket. When had I so thoroughly given up hope?
