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"He raped me, Briar. Is that what you really wanted to know? He raped me and I got pregnant with you. I kept you, because I knew it wasn't your fault, but every time I looked at you, all I could see was him. And all I ever wanted to do was escape that. I learned to not see him in you after a while, but by then it was too late and our lives were already falling apart. I tried to pretend that your dad was your dad instead of the man who had raped me. Is there anything else that you want?"
She pushes her chair back and stands, her hands shaking at her sides. I open my mouth to tell her no, but she doesn't wait for me to respond. She just turns and leaves without saying another word, slamming the door as she goes.
I sit in stunned silence, trying to piece it all together and make sense of everything, but I'm not sure there is any way to make sense of any of this.
I walk in a daze down to the basement where the guys are hanging out and waiting for me.
"Let's go," I say when I reach them. Sawyer is the first to bound over to me and wraps me up in a hug.
"What's wrong? What did she say?" he asks.
I shake my head, opening my mouth, trying to form the words and failing. He pulls me over to the couches, making me sit, the others all waiting expectantly. It takes me a minute, but I regurgitate everything that my mother told me about Noah Crawford.
They sit in a stunned silence of their own, not interrupting me while I speak, and let me get it all out in one go. Which I'm thankful for, because I'm not sure that I'd be able to say this again out loud.
When I'm finished, my gaze bounces between the four of them. "Can we please go home now?"
Travis is the first to stand and holds out a hand for me. "Let's get you home and away from this house of horrors."
The others stand, murmuring their agreement. I follow him mindlessly to the car as I slowly start to descend into a spiral of darkness.
Not only did I kill my father, I killed the man who raped my mom and changed the course of our very existence. And I have exactly no idea how to feel about any of that.
* * *
After letting me stew for two weeks, going through a whole host of emotions—from shame and guilt to anger and revulsion—this morning, Travis and Sawyer dragged me from my bed and insisted I spend the day with them.
Which is exactly how I ended up with them for the entire day, playing laser tag and annihilating kids at what is meant to be a fun, family friendly game.
I don’t remember the last time I laughed this much. Even Travis has spent most of the day smiling. Who would’ve thought that a morning of laser tag was the way to make him a version of his own sparkly sunshine self?
Smiling as I stare out the window, my feet in Travis’s lap while Sawyer drives us back to the house, I can’t help but wonder if this moment of happiness is all we get in the middle of the crazy, but even if it is, I’m going to cling to it like it’s a life line.
Sawyer pulls off down a side road and I furrow my brow but don’t ask where we’re going. Neither of them will answer me anyway. Frustratingly, they rarely do, but I’m learning to just pick my battles.
The car bounces down the dirt road until we’re in the thick of a forest and I close my eyes, leaning my head back, trying not to wonder what the hell they’re playing at.
Neither of them says a word, but Travis continues to rub my feet, so I’m just going to sit here and enjoy that rather than worry about the rest of it.
The car rolls to a stop, and when I open my eyes, I take in the fact that we’re literally in the middle of nowhere. "Where are we?"
Travis quirks a brow at me and presses a finger against my lips. "No questions, just doing. That was the deal today, remember?"
I nod, my heart starting to race. That was our deal, that's how they managed to get me to laser tag in the first place. The one and only rule of date day.
The door in the front opens and Sawyer exits the car. Travis does the same, leaving me sitting here, trying to work out what’s happening.
Taking a deep breath, I decide fuck it, slide my feet back into my Cons, and climb out of the car too. The chill in the air makes bumps rise on my arms. It’s not as cold as it usually is in January, but it's not exactly summertime either.
They’re whispering by the hood, so I circle toward them as their backs are to me and the car, trying to work out what they’re saying.
"Soooooo…" I drag out, giving them my widest, most ridiculous grin. "What's going on in this little mother’s meeting, hmmm?"
Sawyer bursts out laughing and even Travis smirks at me.
Yes, another win for me today.
"You know, I don’t think she wants it," Sawyer says with a huge grin on his face before leaning back onto the car.
