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With a low growl, Devin distances himself, kicking my suitcase on the floor in a fit of frustration. “God, don’t you think I’ve attempted to stop thinking of you over the last five years? I’ve tried. The only woman I have ever wanted is you. And I know that makes me trash for the time I spent with Palmer. We lived together for months, and I couldn’t even… Do you know how that makes me feel? I’m a rising star on the field, and I can’t even finish in the bedroom.”
“But the stuff with Ta—”
“Don’t say it’s about her. I’ve had my head examined so many damn times. It’s not Tara, Nova. It’s you.”
That’s not fair. He can’t put that on me. His trauma…
“Dev, I know you think that.” My hand lifts to touch him, but I drop it as quickly. “I get it. I was engaged and couldn’t fathom having sex with Anders because my body felt like it belonged to you. I’m not being insensitive to your feelings, but I’m not the only woman in the world you can be with. I’m not…” My words drop as he goes rigid.
Devin scoffs, dragging a hand across the scruff on his jaw. “You don’t get it,” he mutters, almost too quiet for me to discern. “You know what? Cora was right for pushing at dinner. My tattoo isn’t just a reminder of our trip. It was a declaration. I loved the hell out of you, Nova. So when I wasn’t sure if we would ever get our shot, I decided I wanted to keep you with me, somewhere I could see your face every day. I wanted the first woman I’ve ever loved marked on me forever because you mean more than any other woman. You’re the one who taught me I had the ability to fall in love with someone.” Shoving his fingers in his hair, he moves for the bedroom door. “If you can’t see it, I can’t do anything.”
A wave of nausea twists my stomach. “Devin.”
“I should go.”
“Devin. You can’t just—”
But my bedroom door is opening and slamming shut before I can say another word.
thirty-nine | devin
“Why are you such an idiot?”Handing me a beer, Willa takes the empty chair beside me on her back porch.
“Gee, I’m so glad I stayed in Vermont for an extra week. I would have hated to miss your warmth.”
“Oh, shove it.” Her foot kicks at my leg.
“The girls asleep?”
“Briar was out before I closed her door. Arch is reading to Clem. You riled her up like a wind-up toy. I’m gonna stop letting you eat dinner with us.”
Sitting forward, I drop my elbows to my thighs and stare into the fire we made earlier for S’mores. “Only three more days until you’re rid of me.”
“It’s not like you can’t stay. You don’t even have a place in Miami yet. What are you going to do? Live out of your storage unit?”
“No, I’ll go back to the hotel for a few weeks. A lot of the guys on the team use a local agent who’s used to finding temp housing for players. I think I’ll contact her and see if I can find something. I’m just…” I hesitate, picking at my beer label. “I’m just a bit superstitious of making any permanent decisions until I’m positive they’re not shipping me back to Jax.”
“They won’t do that, will they?”
“They could. I have a rookie contract, Will. I can’t really fight them on anything until I have three seasons under my belt.” Willa frowns. “Hey, they invited me to spring training, bumped me to triple-A, and signed me to the 40-man roster this season. That’s not a bad deal for a kid out of Grand Rapids, Michigan. I made a nice chunk of change. Most of the guys in Pensacola and Jacksonville work two and three jobs to make ends meet. I won’t complain.”
“I remember the day you punched a hole in the wall because your coach benched you.”
“That benching had nothing to do with my performance and everything to do with a practical joke he didn’t find so funny. Of course, I punched a wall. We lost a playoff game because of his decision. I’m much more gracious now. I know I’m one lucky SOB to be able to live this dream. Double-A, triple-A, or majors. I’m gonna enjoy it while it lasts.”
Willa chuckles. “My, how you’ve matured, baby brother.”
“Yeah? Then why am I an idiot?” Though, I have a feeling I know the answer.
“You let her go. Again.”
“I didn’t let her go. I never had her.”
“You know that’s not true.”
“Do I? She’s made no effort to declare any feelings for me, Will. I told her I loved her, and she said nothing. Why am I the one who has to keep fighting?”
“Because she’s still dating that guy. Whatever his name is. She just reamed you out for playing the field. You really think she’s going to follow that up with a confession of her love when she’s with another guy?” Willa levels me with a haughty stare. “She showed up at your hotel room, Dev. Was that not her fighting for you?”
