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“No, it just interferes with me getting away with looking at you and passing it off as appreciating the view of the water.”
I laugh. “My bad.”
Devin kicks at a rock on the shore. “You know, I think we also need to talk about the real possibility that I won’t make the Opening Day roster.”
“You will. I have no doubts.”
“But what if I don’t?” He squeezes my hand, tugging for me to meet his eyes. “Jacksonville’s a five and half-hour drive. Not ideal, but feasible for a quick getaway if you can swing a day off that corresponds with mine. You were concerned about an hour’s commute earlier. Otherwise, between our schedules, I have no idea when we’d see each other during the season.”
What is he saying? Would he want me to move with him? “I can’t leave Miami, Dev. Working with TSG is not something I can just walk away from.”
“I’m not asking you to. I just need to know if you’re willing to make this work if we’re not living in the same city. You’ve been really concerned about that in the past. We once spent a whole night convincing a couple how difficult a long-distance relationship would be.”
I scoff. “That was before. We talked about this. We’re it. I’m all in.”
“And yet you won’t move in with me.”
“Devin…”
“I just don’t understand.” His eyes follow the seashells in the sand. “I heard you call me your future husband on the phone to Mari the other day, and yet, living with me is too big of a step for you?”
My heart jolts a beat. He heard that? “I don’t want to screw this up before we even start. I jumped into things with Anders, and look where that got me.”
His gaze slices toward me. “Don’t compare me to him.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. He’s not you.” I hold his hand tighter, reassuring. “But what if it’s too much too soon? We’re in the honeymoon phase, where everything is rainbows and good sex. Living together dumps us right into the deep end before our relationship is even solidified. What if, between our hectic schedules, we can’t find enough time for each other, and then we’re living in the same space, getting on each other’s nerves for folding the clothes wrong or not keeping the bathroom clean or loading the dishwasher incorrectly. And we’re blaming each other for not making time for the other, and then we’re stuck in this apartment with nowhere to go, only to resent each other more.”
Devin chuckles. “That’s exactly why living together makes sense, Nov. It’s going to be hard finding time together during the season. Even when the team is at home, my days will be long. But if we get to reconnect in the same bed at night, we’ll always have that. Screw the rest of the domestic arguments. That’s going to happen no matter what, and fighting over where the bowls should be loaded is a hell of a lot better than fighting about dating other people.”
His points are valid. And while I’m all in, that doesn’t mean I’m not scared about committing to a pro athlete. That doesn’t mean I’m free of insecurities. There are so many more complications that come with that lifestyle. I only scratched the surface with my response, but I can’t articulate what I’m feeling.
When my thoughts get away from me and I don’t respond, Devin says, “Well, the good news is if I’m sent back, it won’t matter anyway. You’ll get to keep your apartment for one.”
I tug him to a stop. “Dev, that’s not fair. I haven’t even shut down the idea of us living together. Am I not allowed to have reservations? Two months ago, you were with Palmer, and I was dating Benito, and now we’re talking about moving in together. No matter how right this feels, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with taking our time. It doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
Since he’s irritated with me as it is, I add to his frustration. “Speaking of Palmer. I had lunch with her.”
“You had lunch with Palmer? When?”
This time I do look out over the ocean. “Two weeks ago.”
Other than his hand tightening around mine, he shows no emotion. “About what?”
“It was girl talk. I felt that I owed her an apology for stealing you from her—” His mouth opens and Ishushhim. “It was a good talk. We agreed things are how they should have been, and she has no hard feelings. I think she misses you, though.” When he scowls, I clarify, “Your friendship.”
“You’re my priority, Nov.”
“I think you should reach out. Maybe text her and let her know you’re around if she needs anything. Give things another week or two, and maybe we could meet for dinner. I do like her.”
Mouth corkscrewed to the side, he studies my face, his features thawing before offering a nod. “I’ll think about it and let you know. As for our living situation, we’ll take this one day at a time.” Bending, Devin plants a subdued kiss on my lips, but his words don’t console me. They’re placating, a white flag to an unresolved issue.
With his head slanted, gaze on my level, he says, “Okay?”
I take a deep breath. “Okay.”
forty-nine | nova
Gettingthe weekly family update from Dad, I fold a pair of jeans and set them in the stack on my bed.
