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“And then what?” My nostrils flare with barely contained control. “I get my ass handed to me by Willa? We end up parting ways in California anyway? You’re more than an experiment, Nova. I won’t do that to you.”
Her eyes roam mine, her brows knit together. “So you kiss me and don’t have feelings for me, why would that matter? Doesn’t that work out for you in the end? No entanglements.”
I run my fingers through my damp hair, eyes training on the wooden beams above us. “I…”
“Are you worried about me? That I’ll catch feelings and complicate the rest of this trip? Because I’m not looking for a relationship, Dev.”
“No. It’s not… I think there’s something wrong with me.”
The creases in Nova’s forehead deepen, her eyes downturned.
I release a low exhale, working my jaw. “I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like I have this detachment. I just don’t do relationships. I can’t give girls what they want. Not emotionally speaking. I’ve tried, but there’s always this disconnect. I’d hate to mess around and feel nothing with you.”
Just confirming how screwed up I am.
And protecting myself while I’m at it. If I do feel something with Nova and can’t have her, what would be the point except for tormenting myself? That I finally found the girl, and nothing can come of us.
“You don’t have to worry about me, Dev.” Nova stuffs her hands in the front pouch of her sweatshirt. “I just want this awkwardness to end. I’m not going to push myself on you.”
“And that’s my conundrum.” I brush a tendril loosened from her bun away from her cheek. “I want you to, but you don’t deserve to be my guinea pig. And maybe I’m not ready to find out if I’m right or wrong.”
Her eyes grow glossy. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“Nothing.” My tongue swipes my lower lip as I take a step back. Feeling exposed physically and emotionally. “I don’t know why I told you all of that. Just forget it.”
Wiping away a tear, she sniffles and glances away. “Ignore my tears. They aren’t for you. I started my period this morning.”
“Okay.” I clear my throat, ignoring the spasm in my chest. “So, what’s the plan for today?”
“I’m not in the mood for anything. So, if you want to hit up Claire again, go for it.”
I have no interest in Claire, but if I stay cooped up with Nova or risk going to her bedroom again, I don’t know what will happen. “Maybe I will.”
Her chest puffs with a deep breath. “I suggest you shower first. She’s a rather picky girl, and I don’t think dirty guys are her thing.”
“That wasn’t my experience last night,”bald-faced lie, “but thanks for the advice. Showering was in my immediate plan.”
She moves back, and while I expected her distance, I hate it. “Maybe I’ll call Anders. Have him come eat junk and watch movies with me today since that was such torture for you yesterday.”
I suppress a flinch, feigning disinterest. “Yeah, if you want.”
Nova nods. “We’ve spent a lot of time together. Maybe we just need a day to ourselves.”
“Good idea.”
“Yeah.” Without another word, she heads up the stairs. And I hate that instead of relief, regret permeates my chest.
* * *
A day to ourselves turns into two. I don’t see Claire again, and unless Anders is invisible, Nova doesn’t see him either. Other than agreeing to have pizza delivered for dinner and bumping into each other in the kitchen, we keep to ourselves. It’s the laziest two days of my life. After our argument, I showered and did nothing but binge Netflix in my bedroom. Nova and I might as well have been in the same room because she never left hers either. The next day is a repeat, but instead of asking Nova if I can use one of the bikes to go for a ride, I text her. Her simple reply of “yup” sends me out the door for hours. I pull my cell from my pocket as I ride a lift to another trail and check her social media. Her lone post since arriving at the house is a shot of the mountain peaks.
It’s the comments below that make my eyes cross.
?? liked byWillaRoseand 56 others
SuperNOVAResting in one of my favorite places in the world.
Logan.23We always talked about going together. Wish I were there.
