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Spitfire: I’m sorry I’m just seeing your text. I’ve been turning my phone off to avoid distractions while out of the country.
Spitfire: I wish I knew how to answer your question. Who knows? Maybe next year we’ll be spending the holiday together.
Hotshot: Maybe while we’re on two different continents isn’t the right time to have this conversation.
Spitfire: And what conversation is that? You’re the one who drunk texted me.
Hotshot: I know. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. It’s just I had to keep my feelings inside for so long. I didn’t have the right to text you how much I missed you before. And I’m not sure how to do this.
Spitfire: I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying
Hotshot: I don’t know how to keep in contact with you knowing I can’t have you. Every time is a reminder of how uncertain we are.
Spitfire: Okay
Hotshot: That’s it? Okay?
Spitfire: I don’t know what you want me to say Dev. I miss you too, but I get it. That’s why I told you in New Orleans I didn’t expect anything from you. If being my friend is too hard, it’s too hard. I won’t cling to possibility when that’s not fair to you.
Hotshot: You’re right.
Hotshot: So we just do our own thing for real this time. Cold turkey. And hope our paths cross again?
Spitfire: If that’s what you need. It would probably be good for me too. I just want you to be happy.
* * *
MARCH
Hotshot: I hate like hell I still miss you, and I fear that I’ll always want you.
twenty-seven | nova
August
I can’t believeI’m living in Miami.
Stepping through the glass doors onto my balcony, I inhale the ocean air with a sigh.I’m in freaking Miami!
I might as well be at a Timber Main concert. My giddy mind hasn’t stopped mentally screaming since I pulled up to my condo, moving truck in tow. Mytwelfth-floor-waterfront-condo.Thank you very much for the find, Leo.I can thank my cousin for a lot of things these days. First, for offering me a crash course, beyond what my college professors taught, in agencies and client marketing when we were together in Finland last Christmas. Then, for tossing my name into the mix when a position became available at his Miami firm back in June. And now, for hooking me up with a rental unit in his building on the north edge of Downtown Miami and promising to provide the muscle for moving my furniture tomorrow. I’m particularly grateful for the muscle because fatigue sets in as I return to the kitchen for my grocery store salad and pop the top off a beer.
Driving from Vermont to Miami in three days while pulling my life packed in boxes and plastic wrap was exhausting. The adrenaline I’ve run on with the excitement of this new adventure is waning. Not that I’m not excited, I’m just in dire need of a hot shower and good night’s rest. I’ll grab the first after I eat but I likely won’t get the second until tomorrow when my mattress is unloaded. Tonight, I’ll be on the floor, camping style. It won’t be comfy, but I couldn’t convince the dreamer in me to take Leo up on his offer to stay with him on my first night in the city. Maybe it’s silly, but I want to soak in my view of the intracoastal waterway and savor the first moments of truly living on my own,on my own.
Yes, I was on my own while attending school in California, but I still had roommates. This time it’s only me, myself, and I.
Plus, there are the unfaced realities of what being in Florida, specifically Miami, could mean in the future.
With my hands full, I use my foot to kick my tailgating chair into the perfect position and sit.Add finding a bistro table and chairs for the balcony to the list of things I need.Savoring a generous pull of icy light beer, I set the glass bottle on the tile floor and slip off my flip-flops, propping my feet on the balcony railing. I’m shoveling the first bite of veggies into my mouth when the vibration of my cell tickles my hip. Expecting to hear from Leo tonight, I balance the salad container on my lap and fish the phone from my pocket. It’s a text from Crew instead.
TheBaby: Turn on the game! He’s playing!!!!
Novie: What game? Who are you talking about? You do know this is your big sister Nova you’re texting right?
TheBaby: Devin! He was sent up Nov! He’s taking the field in New York right now.
My feet slip, jostling my salad, as I stare at Crew’s text andhisname.Devin.The screen flashes, and Crew’s handsomely goofy smile appears as he calls.
I swipe to answer. “You’re not funny.”
