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Twenty Years Ago
WHAT DO I DO? WHATdo I do?I looked out into the cold, dark night, my arms wrapped around myself, watching tiny snowflakes flittering down in the light of the gaslit street lanterns below. The spirit of Christmas still lingered, though the New Year would arrive in just a few minutes. Several tall pine trees were still lit with white lights, and wreaths adorned the nearby cabins’ windows. The majestic snowcapped Colorado mountains provided the backdrop. It was magical and something right out of a fairy tale. Exactly how the last few weeks during my winter break had felt. I hadn’t expected any of it, especially not the man I was waiting for—Patrick.
I leaned against the balcony railing, listening to all the obnoxious partygoers celebrating New Year’s Eve, while loud techno dance music blared inside my friend Nina’s parents’ cozy cabin. All six thousand square feet of it. It was more than cozy. Certainly more than I’d bargained for when I’d begged my parents to let me spend my winter break here before the next semester of college began. I hated being away from them and my little sister, Charlotte, during the holidays, but after Jared broke up with me, I wanted to be anywhere he wasn’t. Meaning back home in Florida where we both lived, me in Naples and him in Tampa. That was, when we weren’t at school in Virginia.
I thought he loved me.
This trip made me question if I still loved him.
I heard the sliding glass door open. “There you are.” The voice that was making me repeatedly question what I should do filled the air. A shiver went through me that had nothing to do with the cold weather.
I turned and bit my lip. Patrick Abbott, a family friend of Nina’s, was, in a word, mesmerizing. I’d never met anyone I’d connected with so quickly. I wasn’t sure if it was his aqua eyes that seemed to see straight into my very being or his smile that played between sexy and playful. Or perhaps it was the way he ran his hands through his heartthrob Brad Pitt haircut, looking nervous. It was adorable considering he was over six years older than me and a doctor. What did he have to be nervous about? He was a year into his three-year general surgery residency. Then he would have to complete a three-year cosmetic surgery fellowship. I found his desire to be a plastic surgeon a little weird, but for him it was a legacy. His parents apparently owned a huge practice in Denver where the rich and famous traveled from all over the world to have “work” done. I was pretty sure Nina’s mom had them on speed dial, given that the muscles in her face didn’t move when she spoke. From what Nina said, Patrick currently worked at a swanky nearby hospital. Not surprising, as everything in this mountain town was swanky.
“Hi,” I said, watching my breath dance into the cold air like white wispy clouds.
Patrick didn’t hesitate to close the distance between us. It was one of the many things I liked about him. He wasn’t cautious around me. Careful with my feelings, yes, but never cautious like Jared had been. Jared always seemed to hold part of himself back, like if he gave me his all he might somehow lose himself. Patrick, on the other hand, held nothing back. He’d made the last three weeks of my life some of the best. I’d never felt so beautiful or wanted as we spent our nights talking until our words slurred and I fell asleep in his arms. I’d never felt more like me.
Patrick had this way of bringing out my sweeter side. I admit to being a tad snarky—or as I liked to think of myself, witty. But not everyone enjoyed my brand of sarcastic humor. More like truthful humor. I called them like I saw them, sometimes to my detriment. Maybe that’s why Jared decided we should take a “significant break,” as he called it. Not caring that he’d shattered my heart. He’d said he had to reevaluate his life, and for that he needed space from me. It was an awful thing to say to someone you were supposed to love.
Patrick wrapped his arms around me. I snuggled into his chest, clad in a black sweater, and breathed in his expensive cologne that smelled of cedar and cinnamon. A hint of hospital antiseptic lingered. Why did I feel like I belonged with him? As a snarky truth teller, I never believed in love at first sight or soul mates, but ... could I dare believe? Or was this just a rebound fling? Was I so hurt that I was seeking validation from the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen? I’d been asking myself that question this entire trip.
“Sorry I’m late.” Patrick kissed my head full of dark curls. “We had to perform an emergency appendectomy.”
“I hope the patient is okay.”
“He’s resting comfortably now. But I don’t want to talk about work. I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow.” His hold gently tightened.
“I know,” I mumbled against his chest. I had wanted to spend the last week of winter break with my family, but now ... now I ... I didn’t know. Could this thing between us last outside the magic of the holidays? What if I went home and the spell was broken? What if I was just delaying the hurt of the breakup? But what if ... what if I put aside my sensible, snarky side and let this play out like Patrick wanted it to? Even though long-distance relationships weren’t all that viable, especially for a doctor in his residency who was at work more than at home. And I still had a year and a half of school to finish.
“Isabelle,” he said my full name so beautifully. Most people knew me as Izzy, but here in this ridiculously magical place, I wanted to be someone else. I wanted to beme. So, when we’d met shortly after my arrival, I’d introduced myself as Isabelle.
“I’m going to give you my number.” Patrick ran his hands down my back.
I was reluctant to take it. It’s not like I needed it here. Unlike him, I didn’t have a cell phone. My parents didn’t believe in them. They thought it was ludicrous that anyone would want people to call them anywhere at any time. Dad said phones belonged on the kitchen wall or an office desk, not in your pocket or purse. That meant giving Patrick my number would mean giving him the number to my parents’ house or the apartment phone I shared with three other girls. Mostly, it meant we were taking the next step. A step I was afraid to take. It was only a couple of months ago that Jared and I had talked about getting married after we graduated and eventually starting our own interior design firm. I mean, how many men majored in interior design? Based on my classes, very few. And Jared had some serious design skills. Jared was safe. Or at least he used to be. I was so confused. But was I really? Perhaps I was afraid to see the truth.
Yet I felt like I had seen some truth with Patrick. He’d shown me his heart and some otherthings... let’s just say he changed the way I would view hot tubs for the foreseeable future.
“Okay,” I said shakily.
Patrick leaned away and tipped my chin with his finger so I could peer into his stunning eyes. They looked like a sea of frozen glass in the low light. His intense gaze had me wishing I could skate away with him into the dreams that lived in his beautiful eyes.
“I know you have some reservations,” he said in his smooth-with-a-hint-of-gravel voice. I could listen to him all day. For now, it seemed that way. I knew the infatuation stage didn’t last. At least it hadn’t with Jared. Although, this felt different. I just wished I knew what that meant.
“That’s a word for it.” I had been honest with Patrick about my worry that this was just a rebound or holiday fling. I mean, how had I gone from bawling my eyes out on the plane ride here to meeting Patrick the next day and feeling this overwhelming connection to him? Was it just physical attraction? Or was it something deeper? Patrick believed it was. He’d said he’d never felt as drawn to someone as he had me. It was like he already knew me. I felt it too. Meeting him was like finally getting to know my best friend. It made no sense. I was desperately looking for it to make sense. I looked into Patrick’s eyes, trying to find the reason behind it all, but the only thing I could see in his reflection was me. The me I wanted to be.
Patrick ran a finger down my cheek. “Maybe we shouldn’t use words right now.”
I was all for that. Ever since he’d kissed me on my birthday not long after I’d arrived in Colorado, I craved him like chocolate and the rom-coms I loved to indulge in. When he’d said, “I’m sorry, if I’d known it was your birthday, I would have brought a gift,” I still couldn’t believe that I’d said, “You could kiss me.” I had never been so daring, but Patrick didn’t hesitate for one second. Whoa, what a gift it was. Best gift I had ever been given. That included the car my parents had given me when I graduated from high school. Patrick had me so dizzy from that birthday kiss, I couldn’t find my way back to the guest room I was staying in. A laughing Nina had to help me find my way.
He leaned in, teasing my lips with his own. “Isabelle, you are incredible and unexpected.”
Unexpectedwas the perfect word for all of this. I’d thought I would be nonstop crying and listening to breakup music the entire trip. Instead, Patrick had taught me how to ski and make sushi on a couple of his rare days off. Nights had been filled with indoor picnics, ice skating, sledding, and rom-com marathons. And I would never forget the hot tub. In between all those beautiful moments, our lips were tangled in perpetual motion. The man could kiss like no other. Which was why I stood on my tiptoes and put a stop to his teasing lips by pressing my own against his. A sense of home immediately filled me. That had to mean something.
Patrick began to nibble and suck on my lower lip. It was pure ecstasy.
I had to grip his sweater before my knees buckled. I’d asked him after our first kiss where he’d learned to do that, and he’d said, “I’ve never been afraid to ask a woman what she likes.” He’d then proceeded to ask me how I liked to be kissed. No one had ever asked me such a thing. My response was, “Slow and like you mean it.” He’d more than obliged.
When he was done playing with my lower lip, his tongue slid into my mouth, where he took his time sweeping every available space while his hands moved into my hair. His groan drove me wild, and I pressed myself flush against him.
