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He lowered our clasped hands and brushed my lips with his own. “I could never hate you. It’s just, seeing you was a stark reminder of all the hell my children and I have lived through. By the way, thank you for taking care of Bridgette this afternoon. You made quite the impression on her.”
“Well, I don’t think she wants to get a voodoo doll of me anymore, so that’s progress,” I teased.
“It’s not you. She’s hurting.”
“As are you, which brings me back to my point—you deserve to be truly happy, regardless of me. I worry you have romanticized me. I’m not the woman I was twenty years ago.” Sometimes I thought I may be doing the same thing. Patrick brought out this side of me that, quite frankly, I loved. He smoothed my edges somehow. I wanted to be the woman I was with him all those years ago. “I’m pretty snarky, and I have the beginnings of crow’s-feet and laugh lines. And—” Maybe it was good to stop right there. No need to tell him about the possibility of sagging boobs. If our relationship progressed, he would learn that all on his own. I would save that surprise for later.
He cupped my face with his hands, his thumbs brushing my cheeks. “I love the beginning of every line on your face. Do you know why?”
“Because it means more money for the plastic surgery industry?” Not like I would be using his services.
“No,” he said dryly. “I love them because it means you’re real. All I want is something real. I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”
“I should have called you.”
“I should have come after you.”
“Patrick, I feel like the last twenty years of my life have been a lie. I need to understand why,” I begged him to open up to me. I knew he held some of the answers.
He drew my face closer to his until we were sharing the same breaths. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Maybe at the beginning,” I suggested.
He loudly exhaled.
I wrapped my legs tighter around him.
He barely grazed my lips with his before he spoke. “Like I said, when I got word of your engagement, I was devastated.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t blame you. You were just a pawn in Nina’s sick game. She knew exactly what she was doing. She always did,” he gritted out.
“I thought she was my friend.”
“She probably thought she was too. It’s what made her so good at playing the game. She was convinced she was only doing what was best for everyone. Years later she made mention you didn’t feel comfortable in my world. In her mind, she did you a favor.”
“I did feel intimidated in your and Nina’s world,” I admitted, but that wasn’t her call. It incensed me to think she could play God.
“She had no right to decide your fate or mine,” Patrick seethed. “I didn’t want a world without you in it.” He ran his hands up through my hair, holding on for dear life.
“How did she end up in your life?” I had to know.
He leaned away and closed his eyes, not wanting to think about it. His chest rose and fell several times before he said, “I fell in love with her.” He opened his eyes and peered into my own, begging for understanding.
I don’t know why I was stunned. He’d married her. Of course he should have loved her. I mean, I loved Jared at one time. There was no betrayal on either part. I suppose, though, after knowing what I knew now, it seemed impossible he could love such a woman—or that I could love Jared, after the bombshell he’d thrown my way moments ago. Then I remembered: I’d loved Nina, too. I thought we would be friends forever.
“She made me forget the pain of losing you. For a while, at least.”
I rested a hand on his stubbled cheek. “Patrick ...”
“You don’t have to say anything. It was all a lie. For a time, she mastered playing the part of a loving wife, but subtle manipulations crept in. At first, she would make me feel guilty about the time I spent at work, even though she loved the money. Always the money,” he bemoaned. “She had to have the perfect house and wardrobe. But she made me feel like it was all for me, to further my career and our image in the community. If I ever pushed back, she would keep at it until I gave in, or she would uncontrollably cry and make me feel like I was a monster. Then she began using our children against me. She loved to threaten to take them away from me.”
“Why didn’t you take the kids and leave?”
He made a noise of disgust. “I wanted to, but she’d set it up so that everyone believed she was the perfect mother. No judge was going to give me custody, and if I’d even tried, she would have made my life a living hell. Not that it could have gotten much worse. But she would have had zero qualms about throwing false accusations out against me and my family if she felt backed into a corner. So, I stayed and did the best I could to protect Bridgette and Rory, but it wasn’t enough. Nina,” he spat, “withheld her affection, not only from me, but our children. The things Bridgette told me after Nina’s death ...” He shuddered.
I covered my mouth before a gasp escaped. I was sure there was more than what Bridgette had shared with me, and I ached for her.
