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He gave me a half smile. “You have a hostile cervix?” His doctor side came out.
“Yes. I’ve tried everything. IVF, artificial insemination. I even went to a holistic doctor.” I was desperate to have a child of my own.
“Do you still want a baby?”
“More than anything, but I know that ship has sailed.”
He thought for a moment. “Perhaps. But I know some of the top fertility doctors in the nation. We can talk to them if you’d like, see if they have any new treatment options.”
“Patrick, if you want more children, I can’t give that to you,” I cried, not daring to get my hopes up.
“Isabelle, this is not about me. I want to give you your heart’s desire.”
I curled into him, my head resting on his chest. “Thank you. I just don’t know if I have it in me to go down that road again, knowing it will probably come to a dead end. And I’m no spring chicken.”
“You are young and healthy enough to have a baby,” he assured me.
“Do you want more children?” I had to know, even if it would hurt.
He took a deep breath in and out. “I always wanted more, but not with Nina. I couldn’t let her near another child. But, like I said before, I never wanted you for the children you could give me. We will be complete and happy regardless.”
“I don’t want you to give up—”
He tilted my chin with a touch of his finger. “I’m not giving up anything. The only thing I have ever given up on before is you, and I won’t make the same mistake twice. I’m only asking about children because I can tell you long for them.”
I snuggled back into him. “I do. I wanted to adopt, but ... Jared”—I hated speaking his name—“never wanted to.”
“Do you still want to?”
I hadn’t really thought about it as an option anymore. I wasn’t sure why. Probably because I wanted someone to share that journey with. But if I was being honest with myself, the answer was “Yes.”
“Then let’s adopt,” he said, so easily.
I sat up, wide eyed. “Are you serious?” My heart was beating out of control. Just the thought of someone calling meMommywas thrilling all on its own. Could I truly have everything I’d ever wanted? Every Christmas wish?
“Very.” He tucked some hair behind my ear.
“Wow.” I hardly knew what to say. “I mean, we should probably get married first, and you really need to be around my family for a while before you decide to make this a permanent thing,” I half teased. But, really. “And I want your kids to love me, and we should definitely talk to them about this. Not only that, but you haven’t really seen me when I’m in full-blown PMS mode. You probably want to check that out before you make any drastic decisions. Also, menopause is only like ten years off, and we all know how ugly that can get. And I hate to mention this, but I’m pretty sure my breasts are starting to sag,” I rambled and rambled.
“Shhh.” Patrick placed a finger on my lips. “Isabelle, I’m here for all of it. The good things and the hard things. Didn’t you tell me the hard is what makes it great? Besides, your breasts look excellent to me.” He wickedly grinned.
“It’s the push-up bra,” I murmured against his finger.
“I’m not worried.”
I kissed his finger before removing it from my lips. “I am. What about your kids? I don’t want to rush anything.”
“And we won’t.”
“This kind of feels like rushing.”
“No. This is twenty years of me waiting for you.”
“It does seem like forever, doesn’t it?”
“I will wait for as long as it takes.”
I brushed his lips with my own. “I love you. And if I were ever to adopt a child, I would want it to be with you. But can we keep that between us for now? You have no idea what my mom would do with that information. And I don’t want your kids to ever feel like they aren’t enough for me.” Because they would be. But I had always wanted three kids.
