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My fingers are still shaking when I disconnect the call. I stand up and stare out the window. Am I a fool to think that I can write a novel? Fear forms a block of ice in my chest. I’ve believed that I was born to be a writer all my life, but what if I’ve been wrong? Ariana basically told me in not so many words that my work was crap. Oh, God! A sob breaks out of me. What am I going to do? For the next several minutes, I allow the tears to come.
“Ivy?” Peter’s voice calls.
I use the back of my hand to dry my face.
“Are you okay? Can I come in?”
Before I answer, he bursts into my room. “Oh, sweetheart,” he says and comes to me.
It feels good to have a sympathetic friend around, and I fall into his arms and cling to him. I’m not usually this emotional about setbacks, but writing is the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do. The one thing that gave me purpose and made my life make sense.
“What happened?” Peter asks, and the whole story pours out of me.
“That’s normal, Ivy,” he says. “I have a writer friend, and his editor is always sending back his work. It’s common in the industry and definitely not the end of the world.”
“Really? I thought my career was over,” I admit tearfully.
“Don’t be silly. You only need to rewrite those chapters, and I know she’ll be happy with your next effort,” Peter says.
“Ariana suggested that I spend some time in a hospital and get a feel for it.”
“I think that’s a great idea,” Peter says. “Do you know anyone who works in a hospital?”
I nod. “Alec.”
Peter frowns. “Ivy, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about that. I don’t think it’s a good idea to spend so much time with that family. Because of them, your life has changed.”
I glare at him to stop him before he says something that will upset me.
“What I mean is that you need to take care of yourself. I don’t want you to get hurt.” Peter looks at me with beseeching eyes.
Guilt bubbles up inside my chest. Peter’s concern is coming in too late. I’m already sleeping with Alec, but I don’t tell him that as it’s none of his business. “I’ll be fine. Thanks for caring.”
He stares at me for a moment longer before speaking. “If you say so. Meanwhile, would you like to go for ice cream? The weather’s perfect for it.”
I’d intended to go to the clinic to see Alec. The sooner I ask him if I can shadow him, the better. It’s not something I’m looking forward to doing. I’ve had sex with the man. Twice, in fact. It feels odd going to ask him for favors. Almost like a ‘scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.’
“Yes, please,” I say, glad for the distraction. I’m procrastinating, but I need time to formulate a plan and search my memory to see if I know someone else who is a doctor.
Alec is the best choice, though. He’s a surgeon, and the clinic where he works belongs to his family. I’ll get access to everything and everyone I need to speak with through him. He’s perfect on paper. The reality of facing him to ask for this favor makes me break out in a sweat.
Outside, there’s a slight breeze despite the heat, which makes it pleasant to be out. Peter and I grab some ice cream cones in the park and head to a bench. As usual, my attention is drawn to the children playing with their parents. I can’t help dreaming of Alec and me being a real family, parenting our baby together. I think and dream about that more than I should. Alec has said nothing to indicate that he wants our relationship to move beyond the physical.
“I’d marry you in a heartbeat if you said yes,” Peter says when he finishes his ice cream.
I place my free hand on his knee and squeeze it. “I know you would, but it wouldn’t be fair to saddle you with my responsibilities.”
“It wouldn’t be saddling me. I love you, Ivy, and taking care of you and your baby would be an honor.”
My heart melts. If only I didn’t want so much from life. I believe in falling in love and marrying your soulmate, but that dream seems far away now. What I do know is that the man I marry will be someone who makes me grin like a fool just from seeing him and who makes my knees weak with longing. The way Alec does.
I almost gasp out loud at that thought. I have to stop thinking of him that way. He is not part of my future. A good test is to ask myself whether Alec and I would have found our way to each other had the accident not happened. The answer is a resounding no. He and his family are from a different world. We’re like two ships passing each other by night without ever meeting. Soulmates, on the other hand, find their way to each other. Fate brings them together.
A voice in my head points out that fate did bring us together, but I’m quick to shoot it down. The mistake at the clinic brought us together, not fate.
“You’ll meet the perfect girl for you one day, Peter,” I tell him and ask him about his work.
“I’ve been interviewing for this job at a TV station,” he says. “I might just get it.”
