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I sit up straighter. “Really? How come you never mentioned it? How much?”
He lowers his head and mumbles a figure that makes me gasp.
“Really?” I say. “Oh, Peter, I’m so happy for you.”
He looks up. “More importantly, I can take care of you and the baby. You never have to worry about money. You’ll continue writing with no money worries and no rush. Will you marry me, Ivy?”
I wish it were Alec proposing to me. The thought jumps into my mind, leaving me shaken. We hardly know each other. I force myself to remember the circumstances under which we met. But that argument is becoming weak. It’s not just sex between us. It’s a lot more. I’m feeling for Alec in a way I’ve never felt for another man. I’m beginning to envision a future with him.
“What do you say?” Peter says, pulling me back to the present. His eyes are wide with hope, and knowing that I’ll say no breaks my heart.
I begin to shake my head, but Peter quickly raises his hand as if stopping traffic. “You don’t have to decide now. Sleep on it. Give it a few days.”
It doesn’t matter how long I wait. There’s nothing to think about. I would never marry a man for the security he’ll offer me. I love Peter but like a brother.
“Okay, I’ll think about it.” I need to be alone.
In my room, I get my phone and lie down on the bed. Alec has texted. My heart leaps even before I read what he’s written.
Alec: How did the meeting with Jane go?
Despite the disappointment I am still feeling, a laugh escapes my mouth. Alec’s messages never have any fluff. He gets straight to the point. It’s funny.
Me: Not good. The publisher has dropped me. They’re going lean, and the first casualties are the new authors.
I feel like a fraud as I write the word authors as if I’m one of them. At the edge of my mind is the fear that I’ll never be successful as a writer. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this, no matter how badly I want it. Self-pity threatens to engulf me. I shake it away.
My free hand rests on my belly, and at that moment, my baby kicks. I go still as wonder fills me. My laugh reverberates in the room, and my fears and worries dissipate as my baby kicks again. Joy rushes through me, everything suddenly gaining a new perspective. I’m going to be a mom. That means I’ll have a little human being dependent on me. It doesn’t matter if I don’t have a publisher right now. I can’t give up. I have to keep fighting for what I want.
Energy and optimism replace the self-pity I felt earlier. My baby needs me, and I’ll do whatever it takes to succeed.
Alec: It’s their loss. With the talent you have, you’ll find a publisher in no time. I know that for a fact.
I smile so hard my mouth feels like it’s going to crack.
Me: Thanks. I believe I will.
Alec: There was something else I wanted to ask you. Before you say no, please give it some thought. Please.
Me: Okay.
Alec: Will you move in with me? I know I asked you this before, but this time it’s different. My reasons for asking you have changed.
Me: What are your reasons for asking me to move in with you?
Alec: I have deep feelings for you, Ivy, and I want us to be a family.
All air leaves my lungs. To have Alec tell me so openly that he has deep feelings for me. I want to text back now and tell him that I have deep feelings for him too. But something holds me back.
As for moving in together, I’m sorely tempted to say yes. Holding me back is the knowledge that I’m not in the right frame of mind to make decisions. Everything is still too raw, including the publishers’ rejection.
Another message comes in. I’ve probably taken too long to respond, but I don’t know what to tell Alec.
Alec: Have I scared you away? That scares me.
My heart constricts at the vulnerability in his words. Hard to imagine Alec, the confident surgeon feeling vulnerable.
Me: Of course not. I’m touched by what you said. It’s something I really have to think about.
