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JAMESON
18 Years Old
I search the crowds. I look behind me when walking alone. I wonder if he might be in the car following behind me. I can't shake this sickening paranoia that someone is constantly watching me.
He is. I know he is.
My dad isn't going to just disappear like Judson wants. No, he will make damn sure he exacts revenge on everyone that he suspects is against him, everyone that he thinks betrayed him. The truth is he was a liar, a fraud. The perfect example of a snake in the grass, but that doesn't matter.
I remember the first time I ever saw him rough Judson up, me screaming at him to stop, but it didn't matter. Nothing I ever did really mattered. I was only seven and felt like the bane of his existence most of the time.
He would constantly tear me down.
"Things would be so much easier if I didn't have you constantly needing something."
"Jameson, quit dreaming. You're just like your mother."
"Stop acting like you don't have everything you could ever want."
He would constantly talk down on Judson, telling my brother what a fuck up he was because he didn't go to the school dad wanted. How he was nothing but a disappointment. Then he would turn right around and compare me to him, tell me how I was just like my brother. So I was a disappointment too, a fuck up. He didn't come right out and say it, but he didn't have to.
When Judson left for school, everything went south. Mom got sicker, and dad became even more of an alcoholic than before. He would get mad if I was playing games. He would break my video game discs between his hands, yelling and cussing at me. He tossed a model airplane I built at the wall, calling it a waste of time. I was nothing but a waste of time.
When he called wanting to talk, I knew he would make sure it happened, no matter how hard I tried to avoid him, so that's why I agreed. Judson would flip if he knew, he hasn't ever gotten physical with me, though, so I will get the conversation over with and move on. I will meet him this evening and get to Hanna's parent's house to spend Christmas with her tomorrow. Everyone wins, except maybe me.
When I pull into the lot, it isn't as crowded as I'd hoped. In fact, it's eerily empty, just a few cars. I walk straight into the restaurant, spotting him in the corner at a bar height table. When I see him, I don't feel the disgust I thought I'd feel. How fucked up is that?
He doesn't even look like he's been locked up. His hair has turned a little more silver, but other than that, his stern brow is the same. He's the same ruthless mother fucker that went to prison six years ago.
When I pull the chair out, he doesn't speak right away. Instead, he gives me a once-over, probably ripping apart my appearance. My long hair, my athletic wear, the fact that I am bigger than he is. He almost cringes as I take my seat.
"Good to see you, son," He whispers, his comment forced.
"Is it?"
"Don't be like that, Jameson. You know that your brother and his lawyer boyfriend set me up. They did everything and framed me for it."
Liar.
"Judson hasn't done anything but protect me from you."
Thank God.
"Judson has been a pain in my ass for the past twenty-eight years, but not anymore."
He takes a sip of his drink, his hand tightening around the tumbler. His gaze never wavering.
"Just leave him alone. You did your time. Can't you just move on and let us all live our lives?"
He roars out a laugh, "Football, Jameson? Really? You think you will get anywhere by throwing a fucking ball down a field?"
His comment should upset me, but surprisingly it doesn't. It doesn't even phase me, but I don't want to sit here and let him degrade me.
"I have to go. I knew this was a mistake."
I push my chair back, shuffling to stand, "Wait," he demands. His voice sending familiar chills down my spine, the same tone that ruined my childhood. I stop my hands falling into the pockets of my sweatpants, a nervous tick that I have.
"I would hate for anything to happen to… hmmm…. What's her name? Hanna?"
