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"So Judson really is my uncle? And JC really is my cousin?"
Silence falls between all of us, and Ellie's dark blue eyes pierce into mine, "And you are my daddy?"
I nod my head in agreement, and she becomes more aggravated, spitting words at her mother, "Why didn't you tell him? He could've been here with us as a family!"
Tears threaten Hanna's eyes, and I kneel in front of Ellie, grabbing her tiny hands in my much larger ones, "Honey, even if I knew, not much would've changed. I spent a lot of time away flying, and even some time in a completely different country."
Actually, if I had known, maybe they would've been with me. Either way, I don't want her placing the blame on her mother.
"So, are you going to live with us now?"
"No, Ellie bear. Jameson isn't going to live here."
"I thought that mommies and daddies live together?"
"Sometimes they don't," Hanna whispers.
"Will I get to live with Jameson sometimes?" She questions before correcting herself, "I mean my dad."
"Slow down, El," I breathe, focusing on keeping a steady, calm tone, "I understand this is a lot to process. You can call me Jameson if that makes you more comfortable."
I don't want Ellie to see how broken up I am about this. How badly I want to be here with her and her mother. So I try to put up a strong front.
Her face falls, "I want you to live here."
Me too, kid, me too.
Hanna's soft voice chimes in, instantly soothing her, "We will figure all this out, sweet pea. I promise."
She sighs, "Well, that was a surprise."
I laugh, "That wasn't the surprise. Well, not entirely."
"What is it?" Her face lights up again, planting herself in my lap.
"Disney World."
"What!" She shrieks, standing quickly to jump up and down.
"Yeah, I have to go to Florida for a couple of months, so I'll miss your birthday. I thought this would be a good present."
"Wait." She stops, her feet becoming stationary on the ground, "You are leaving again?"
"Just for work, and I won't be gone long. I'll be back before you know it."
She smiles, wrapping her tiny arms around my neck, "I'm so excited!"
I pull my baby girl back into my arms, not wanting to let her go, "You'll need to pack your princess dresses."
Her eyes go wide, "Oh my goodness, I better go make sure I can find them all! I'm gonna see Moana!"
She kisses Hanna and takes off down the hallway, nearly busting her ass around the corner in her sock feet against the hardwoods.
I wipe a single tear from my cheek, not realizing how emotional I am. I haven't cried in six years, not a single tear shed. I just turned it off, my emotions, the ability to feel. It's all rushing in at once, everything I've buried.
"Are you alright?" Hanna asks, not wanting to get too close. Restraining herself from reaching out and touching me.
"Yeah, It's just… that went better than I thought."
