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"With Hanna?"
"Yes, Jameson. With Hanna."
"I think I just craved her love. I needed her too much."
"Because you didn't get that love from your father?"
The mention of him makes me fighting mad, "You think I sabotaged my relationship with Hanna because my daddy didn't love me?"
"No, Jameson. I think she loved you unconditionally, and you couldn't accept it."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"What I mean is love from your father came with conditions. You didn't know how to accept the fact that Hanna loved you, despite your flaws."
I remember the note, "My love for you knows no bounds."
"She was the only person that made me feel. Not Judson. Not anyone."
He stares me down, "What do you want from these sessions?"
I scoff, "What the hell kind of question is that?"
"An honest one. Do you think that you will have some type of revelation and finally see clear? Realize finally that you are not your father or his mistakes?"
"I just want to move forward."
"Well, as your therapist, I'm gonna tell you something you aren't going to care for."
I chuckle, slapping my chest, "Lay it on me, Doc."
"You need to face your father, and you need to find Hanna. You will never be able to move forward with any relationships without closure."
"You're right. That's shitty advice."
"Maybe so. I told you from the beginning I'd be straight with you. I think time will help, Jameson, sure there will always be triggers, but you need to realize that you can be loved without conditions."
"So let me get this straight. You want me to visit my father in prison and hunt down a girl I haven't seen in over a year."
He shrugs, "That's exactly what I'm saying. I've met with you for over a year. Don't come back here until you've done your homework."
"You realize both of those things are across the country."
"Guess you'll have to make the most out of your weekend."
I stand up dramatically, stomping out of his office.
What an idiot.
I lay awake staring at the ceiling while my roommate is still up studying for some exam tomorrow. I have spent the past two years drowning in books and acing test after test to get out of here and on to flight school. I roll over, grabbing my phone off the table, typing her name into the search bar.
I've been good about Instagram stalking. I only do this once every few months now. All of the air is sucked from my lungs when I notice the profile picture is different. It has always been the same every time I've checked for the past two years. The same smile, the same image.
She looks the same but also different. She seems well… happy. A smile that finally reaches her eyes.
A smile I didn't put there.
I take a deep breath, wishing I could see the entire profile instead of just this single picture. I press the button on the side of my phone, causing the screen to turn black as I toss and turn, unable to get comfortable.
