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“I hired the photographer,” Kelley says as if reading my mind. “This day needed to be documented.”
She thinks of everything.
I feel a flutter in my stomach, and I think I’m nervous. I’m not sure why. I know every inch of J.R., and he knows every inch of me. Yet this is different. Maybe I’m still questioning whether or not I am ready for this. Of course, I am ready. I’ve waited more than a decade for this very day.
As I walk across the boardwalk, boards creaking beneath my bare feet, I think about how I made my way across this very same pathway a few short months ago. I remember how my heart pounded just as it is doing now. That walk then had been so uncertain. Today’s walk is certain.
As I reach the curve in the boardwalk, I force my eyes up. It’s the same spot in the walk where I had looked up to see him again for the first time in years. Now, J.R. stands at the end, where the boards open up to the dock. The pastor is next to him, his mom and dad on the other side. J.R.’s hair is down, curly, and controlled. It’s longer than mine, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop being jealous of how much better he is at long hair than I.
J.R.’s barefoot, too. He’s wearing skinny, dark gray pants; a white, button-up shirt tucked in; and black suspenders for effect. It’s something I’ve never seen him wear before, but I think I like it. J.R. smiles at me. I see his lips pushed upward beneath his beard. His blue eyes are bright.
I feel my face begin to grow warm as I walk closer to him. My hands grow clammy, and Knox drops her hand from mine to wipe the moisture away. My heart is pounding; my breath is short; and at this moment, I only see J.R.
“All right, Li’l Bit, we stop here,” I hear Kelley whisper to Knox.
J.R. steps out to take my hand, and then we turn to face each other. I think I see a tear in his eye, but I’m not sure.
“You are beautiful,” he says to me in a whisper.
“Don’t get used to it,” I whisper with a smirk.
The pastor starts speaking, and I do wish we could skip this part. Doesn’t everyone feel this way about weddings? I’m not even listening to the words he says, but I wait for my cue to recite my vows.
J.R. and I decided to write our own vows, but we didn’t decide this until two days ago. I’ve spent every free second of my time trying to write them, but I’m not sure that I could ever express exactly how I feel. I decided yesterday against writing them out. I’ll just go with it.
It’s time now, and I suddenly regret my decision not to at least have something prepared. A starter. Something to get me going. I lock my eyes into J.R.’s, and I let my heart do the rest.
“There was a Christmas, about eleven years ago. Our first Christmas together.”
“The one where you picked out a ridiculously large Christmas tree?” he interjects.
I giggle. “Yes, that one. Anyway, I told Kelley then that I would marry you one day, and now, one day is finally here. I’ve made a lot of mistakes since that Christmas eleven years ago, but one thing has remained the same all these years later. I love you. I will never stop loving you. I will love you when you’re old and gray. I will love you when you can’t sing anymore or play the piano. I’ll love you when you can’t even remember my name. I’ll love you to death and beyond.” I slide his band over his finger, my hands shaking as I do so, and I fight back tears as I look back up into his soft, blue eyes.
“I remember the first time I saw you. You came bumping into the bar with two tall blondes, and you were definitely out of your element. You were like a beautiful animal out of her natural habitat. I gazed at you with awe. Paralyzed. I couldn’t breathe another breath until I spoke to you.” He smiles at me. “Losing you was the worst day of my life, but there’s not another day I’ll live that will beat the day I got you back. You are the air in my lungs, the beat in my heart, and the blood in my veins. I love you.” J.R. slides a beautiful band on my finger while continuing to gaze into my eyes, and I see tears begin to form in his.
The pastor says a few more mandatory things and then announces us man and wife. In one swift movement, J.R. scoops me into his arms and kisses me. It’s like he’s never kissed me before, and my hands lock around his neck, as I indulge in our first kiss as a married man and woman. I smile against his lips, thankful to finally be his. I was always his, and this, I know, is something I can never forget.
After a little music, some good food, and socialization, we hug our family goodbye, and J.R. drives us to the airport where we will fly off to some secret honeymoon destination. I didn’t think a honeymoon was necessary, but J.R. insisted. I can’t turn down a trip. He even packed my luggage for me so that our destination remained a mystery to me.
Of course, the thing about secret destinations that involve flying is that the secret usually has to run out at the airport. I’m not sure the flight attendant would have let J.R. board me onto a plane blindfolded. I think J.R. is still trying to figure out how he can keep this trip a secret, but he finally hands me my passport and ticket with a smile on his face. We’re going to Costa Rica.
“How are we affording this?” I ask him with wide eyes.
“Don’t worry about it,” he says with a smile.
I hope he packed well. I can’t show up in Costa Rica wearing my normal clothes. I’m a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl. Lucky for me, J.R. knows a lot more about fashion than I do.
“You love me too much,” I tell him.
“Nonsense.” He kisses me.
The trip is just for a few days. We have to get back home before Christmas Eve because that’s when Kelley and Adam tie the knot. And also, because it will be our first Christmas together as a full family, and I haven’t had one of those since before my dad died.
I remember my last Christmas with my family. I was four, and Santa brought me the most beautiful dollhouse. It was a good Christmas, one that I haven’t thought of in a very long time.
Costa Rica is just as warm as I had imagined it would be. It’s different. Not like the heat of a Georgia summer. It’s brighter here, too, but in a lot of ways reminds me of our little island back in the States. Costa Rica has lush green trees and soft sand. The only difference besides the weather is how clear the water is. I love our little slice of ocean back home, but its waters have never been clear. Our ocean has a green tint to it, and when you feel something brush across your leg, you pray it’s seaweed.
Here, though, I can see my feet through the water. I can see the sandy bottom of the ocean floor, and I can see the fish swimming near the shore. It’s the most beautiful place I have ever seen.
