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“I think I’m going to be sick,” J.R. mumbles as he parks the truck in front of Roger and Ellie’s. “I haven’t seen this place since I left.”
I’m still gazing about the property, looking ahead as far as I can see, taking it all in. But I look over at J.R., and I do think he looks a little green.
“Why did you leave, Daddy?” Knox asks from the back seat. I’m wondering when she woke up.
“It’s complicated,” J.R. answers.
Knox sighs and responds, frustrated, “Why is that the answer to everything?”
I laugh because she’s not wrong. It does seem to be our default answer to every question Knox has. I glance at J.R., and I think he might throw up. He’s pale, and he stares ahead at the house the same way he looked at me the day I returned to him. Like he’s just seen a ghost.
“You okay, Daddy?” Knox asks him.
Before J.R. can answer, Ellie walks out of the front door of the brick house with a giant, ecstatic smile on her face. She’s waving at us as though we’ve been family for life. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to that.
“Is it too late to turn around and go home?” J.R. asks.
“I think so. She’s seen us,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
J.R. turns to look at me and then Knox. “Ready?”
“Ready,” Knox says.
“Ready,” I say.
“Okay.” He nods. “Stay right there, Rach. I’ll come around to help you get out.”
It’s hard being five feet tall, but it’s even harder when you’re pregnant and your husband’s truck is several feet off the ground. I’m thankful for the assistance.
J.R. swings the door open; I put my hand in his, and then I slide out. My feet feel funny when they hit the ground. It’s the way feet do when they have grown accustomed to the vibration of a vehicle’s floorboard on long road trips. I stretch as J.R. reaches into the truck and lifts Knox out, too, placing her feet on the ground.
Ellie is squealing as Knox runs to her, and I smile as they embrace. I wonder what kind of a relationship Knox could have had with my mother. Maybe none at all.
“Are you okay?” J.R. inspects me, his hand grazing my stomach.
“I’m okay,” I assure him, though I am exhausted. I could go for a really hot shower right now.
Ellie gives me a hug, and then she gives J.R. a kiss on his cheek. She’s happy we’re here. She’s happy that her son has finally come home.
“Your dad is at the barn,” Ellie says. “We put the finishing touches on it today. I hope it’s comfortable for you.”
“I’m sure it’s fine,” J.R. says. “I’ll drive on over.” He looks at me “Walk or ride?”
“We’ll walk. I’ve ridden enough today.”
“I’ll walk with the girls,” Ellie says.
J.R. hops back in the truck, and we follow his trail around the brick house and down the hill to the barn.
It’s cloudy today, and there’s a chill in the wind. The dead grass crunches beneath my feet as we walk, and I listen to Ellie tell Knox stories of J.R. when he was a kid on the farm. I think I would have liked to have known that J.R. too.
I look out across the land as we walk. Field after field, stretching out as far as the eye can see. Mountains line the horizon, and they’re colored blue in the reflections of the clouds. Animals graze in the pastures, and we even walk by a chicken coop. I’m in a world that I’ve never experienced before, and I haven’t decided how I feel about it yet.
The barn is tall and red. It’s got a black tin roof and fresh landscaping. It has large sliding doors on the front that Ellie says we can open on a nice spring morning. As I envision this scenario, I see myself chasing a wasp out of our living quarters. I think I’ll keep those doors closed.
There’s a smaller door on the front, too, for regular entry into the barn. It’s got a smaller stoop covering the entryway. Ellie even hung a nice wreath on the door.
I notice a space off to the side, paved nicely, with chairs and a fire pit. “A place to spend summer nights,” Ellie says. I wonder how long she thinks we’re going to be here.
