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No. Not anymore.
He came over last night after I was already asleep, and both he and Zohar agree with us that moving in with Necos is the best bet. I’ve got a meeting with Mr Downey tomorrow once he’s back from his work trip, and he’ll finalise the details but Necos has already discussed the move with him.
But, that’s not important right now. Etrix is.
I raise an eyebrow at him, waiting for him to respond, and he sighs and nods once. He’s refusing to meet my gaze, instead, focusing on a tiny bit of fluff on the carpet in front of me.
It’s infuriating in a way I’m not used to feeling, especially not towards one of my guys. I rarely get angry in the first place, but to be angry to this extent?
I don’t think that’s ever happened.
“Why are you so angry?” he asks, tilting his head in confusion.
Is he really trying to change the subject?
I’m not falling for that one.
“Because you’re standing in front of me, hiding your face, showing me that you’re ashamed of your behaviour. But what exactly are you ashamed about? Are you ashamed at hiding from me for nearly a month? Are you ashamed that you’ve put so much distance between us that I’ve struggled without you? Without our connection?”
Pure anguish fills his gaze as he finally meets mine, but I don’t back down from my furious tirade.
“Does your shame come from the fact that you’ve left me to suffer when you promised that if I needed something, anything, I could come to you?”
“Zoe—”
“No,” I snap, tears dripping down my cheeks. My glasses have fogged up a little, but I don’t pay it any mind. My eyes are blurry enough with the crying that it makes little difference to me. “You’ve thrown me to the side to hide your little secret, but you don’t care about that. You’re ashamed because you’re a rebel. You’re ashamed you joined a worthy cause, and not because of how badly you’ve hurt me.”
“It’s a—”
“Stop talking,” I sob, huddling in on myself.
There’s a tiny rational part of me that thinks I’m being overdramatic, but the rest of me understands this has been coming for a very long time. Etrix has been denying me the chance to discuss things with him, and I’ve finally reached my breaking point.
Someone tries to enter the room, knocking on the door, and when they get no answer, they try to come in, but my magicae will not let them. I protected the room, using some kind of invisible wall that both blocks sound and entrance. Maybe even vision, I don’t know.
But it’s an important spell that’s allowing us to have this conversation.
I’ve taken measures to help Etrix keep his secret from the others—Ryes excluded because he was the one to help me put the pieces together in the first place—because I know he’s not ready to share it with the group.
I think the bond we have, the one he initiated and I accepted, gives me this right.
But that doesn’t make this conversation any easier, or dampen my emotional outburst.
“I’m sor—” he starts, a soft tone of voice that you’d use on a sick person.
“Do not apologise,” I cry, stepping away from him in my upset. He moves to come towards me, but I hold my hand up, and it’s enough to stop his towering frame from advancing. His pale amber eyes are pleading with me to let him help, but I can’t.
In a broken whisper, I say, “I can’t accept your comfort right now, E.”
Not when you’re the cause.
Not when you’ve denied me this for a month.
A jerky nod is his only response. I spin around, turning my back on him, and take the time to calm myself down. I refuse to let him comfort me, something I know is breaking him, but I also don’t want to stand here and be a pathetic mess during this entire conversation.
When I trust myself to talk without breaking down again, I turn back around. He quickly wipes his own tears away, and I pretend I didn’t see it.
It softens something within me, though, letting me know this hasn’t been as easy for him as I’ve imagined.
